'AITA for not going to my sister’s wedding after she blocked me on FB?'

"AITA for not going to my sister’s wedding after she’s had me blocked since February?"

TLDR; my sister blocked me in February. She hasn’t allowed me to talk to her to figure out what I did wrong or repair our relationship. She’s getting married in December. Am I the a$$hole if I don’t go?

For context, I (27f) and my sister (25f) grew up very close. However, I’ve always been more of the pushover in the relationship. She tends to be a bit of a bully and prides herself on her “I’m not nice” attitude. She cannot have conversations with me if we have a differing opinion. I have to pretend to agree or not talk to her at all. February was her birthday. I was at work and texted her happy birthday.

I asked what she and her fiancé had planned to celebrate. Well, work got busy. I forgot to go back and look at our messages. I work 12 hour shifts. 6 in a row. 2 days off. Rotating days and nights. My job is demanding. And I have 3 kids. I’m a single mom. I don’t have my phone in my hands 24/7. She is a stay at home girlfriend without kids. She can stay on her phone all day.

After her birthday I got sick. My ex-husband had the kids and I slept for 2 days. I took NyQuil and slept. My body needed the rest. When I got back to work I got a text from her stating that I was problem and that I needed to learn how to treat people or I would end up alone. She told me I needed to take accountability. This confused me, but I realized I didn’t text her back. I know it hurt her feelings.

So I went to text back ready to just apologize profusely. Well I was blocked. On every social media account. She even had her fiancé block me. They live states away so I cant just show up at her house and ask her to talk to me. I was not even asked to be in the wedding. Which was fine. It was her choice and I didn’t mention at all that my feelings were hurt. Her wedding, her rules.

I was there to be supportive. She’s having her high school friend and her male best friend as her maid/man of honor. The wedding is also out of town. So far out of town that I would have to book a plane ticket to attend. As a single mom just a couple of weeks before Christmas I was going to have to invest in attending this wedding. Again, I was on board. After blocking me, she has been in town.

She went dress shopping with my mom and our other sister. No one told me. I wasn’t invited. I found out by accident when my other sister spilled the beans about the experience. Ouch.

She blocks me periodically when we have little spats. I’ve learned that she will eventually unblock me on a random account (like Snapchat chat) and wait for me to notice and try to add her back. If I take too long to notice she gets mad.

People in my family don’t really have weddings. Her wedding was going to be my first real wedding. I was excited to support her. Now I’m wondering if she even still wants me there. I feel like she’ll be angry if I don’t go, but I don’t even know if I’m still invited. I don’t want to miss such a big event over something so silly. I don’t know what to do. So am I the @$$hole if I choose not to go? Thanks in advance.

What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:

FlyonthewallofRed said:

She's a drama queen. You DO NOT NEED her validation. Live your best life without this drama. Just let her be, no need to give her so much attention.

Spacer_Spiff said:

NTA. Have you even gotten an invitation?

OP responded:

She didn’t send me one. I wasn’t sure if she was going to send them or if my invitation was just the by mouth conversation we had had previously on the phone.

iamadirtyrockstar said:

Don't play her games. Don't go.

ilikesalad said:

NTA - Toxic sister.

OP responded:

She can be. But I think she feels her feelings very deeply. And I know I hurt her. I want to apologize. I tend to be very bad with my phone. My friends know this. I’m getting a tattoo right now so I’m sat for the next few hours with time to be on my phone. The minute I’m done though, I will forget about my phone again. She knows I’m like this. ADHD and a busy life. I try to give her grace. I just wish I could have the same.​​​​​​

curious-691980 said:

Make your own plans- protect your space- be happy and don’t entertain her drama. You can treat her the same way she treats you- she set the precedent (treat others how you want to be treated). Just continue with your life and the people around you who make you happy

OP responded:

I understand this perspective. As the oldest, I’ve always tried to be the peacekeeper. I host Thanksgiving dinners at my house to bring us together. I have an open door policy. I’ve always told them they can come through town and crash on my couch. Dig around in the kitchen for a meal. Shower. Do laundry. My home is their home.

Our baby sister just did this 2ish weeks ago. I helped my baby sister rekindle a relationship with our middle sister. We don’t have a lot of family. I don’t want to lose this relationship. And if I could apologize and keep the peace, I would. I don’t like confrontation with them.

West-Improvement2449 said:

Seeing as how she has, you blocked. It would be inappropriate to go to her wedding.

OP responded:

Well yeah. That I’m aware of. I guess knowing her, she’ll likely unblock me before the wedding. You guys don’t know her patterns though, so I understand why you’d answer this way. Haha the way I worded it, it’s kind of a no-brainer 😅

Separate_Chard7176 said:

This sounds like a messy relationship. If you really aren't contributing anything passive aggressive, and she's still behaving this way, then I wouldn't be putting effort into the relationship anymore. But if your other family members are also contributing to this dynamic I know that can be a really difficult situation to manage. I'd recommend researching the grey rock method of dealing with toxic behaviour.

She later shared this edit to her post:

I won’t really have an update because the wedding isn’t until December. And my sister and I aren’t talking. But I wanted to make an edit to thank everyone for their comments and tough love. You all said somethings I needed to hear. I love my sister. She’s always been a very difficult person.

I think I got into the habit of making excuses for her because my mom always made excuses for her. I’m going to push the situation out of my head and focus on existing without her. It hurts. But I can’t keep being a doormat just because I’m desperate for family.