'AITA if I don't attend my brother's wedding after what his fiancée said about my husband?'
"AITA if I don't attend my brother's wedding after what his fiancée said about my husband?"
So, I (32F) need to get something off my chest, and I’m really struggling with this. My brother John (34M) is getting married in a few weeks to Sarah (31F). At first, I really liked Sarah, we got along fine, and I was genuinely happy for them.
For context, my husband Mark (33M) comes from a more humble background. His family isn’t as well off as mine, but they’re the kindest people, and Mark works hard. We’ve never had money issues, and honestly, we’re happy just living a simple life. But my family has always been better off financially, and it’s something I’ve always just... ignored, I guess. Didn’t think it mattered.
A couple of weeks ago, though, I was at a small family gathering, and I overheard Sarah talking to one of her bridesmaids. She was saying some pretty nasty things about Mark—calling him a "gold digger" and saying his family was "leeching off mine" because they’re not well-off financially.
She said Mark was “lucky to have married up” and basically implied he only married me for money. I was completely stunned. Like, how could she think that about the person I love? I was so mad, I just left without even confronting her.
Later, when I calmed down a bit, I texted Sarah about it, and she brushed it off like it was no big deal. She said it was just wedding stress and “jokes” between friends. But it didn’t feel like a joke, it felt like she really meant it, and I just can’t shake it.
Now, I really don’t want to go to the wedding. How can I stand there, watching her marry my brother, knowing she thinks so lowly of my husband and his family? Mark, bless him, said he’d support whatever I decide, but it’s tearing me up.
My parents found out I’m hesitant to go and are pushing me hard to attend. They say it’s "just one day" and that I need to "support family no matter what."
But I’m torn. If I skip the wedding, it’s going to cause a huge rift, but if I go, I’ll feel like I’m betraying my husband and myself by pretending everything’s okay.
I haven’t told my brother exactly what was said, because I know it’ll blow things up, and I don’t want to ruin his big day. But also, I just don’t know if I can look him in the eye knowing what Sarah really thinks. So, AITAH for not wanting to go to my own brother’s wedding?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
You should tell your brother about her remarks. If I was your brother I wouldn't marry her not going to lie, not just because she trash talked my sisster's husband but also she seem to have deeper issues with judging others & thinking badly of them.
Is it only judgments, or is it some projection? She keeps focusing on accusing Mark of marrying up and coming into money, but isn't she also?
NTA - It's understandable that you don't want to attend your brother's wedding after hearing what Sarah said about your husband. It's not just wedding stress, it's a reflection of her true character.
It's up to you whether you want to confront her or not, but either way, your feelings are valid and you shouldn't feel pressured to attend just for the sake of family harmony. Also, maybe put some eye drops in Sarah's drink. Just kidding... maybe.
StrangeAioli7777 OP responded:
Appreciate it Thank you.
Projection is a funny thing. She's clearly the gold digger and she's projecting her pathetic insecurities onto the husband.
What if actually brother agrees and the only one who doesn’t see the obvious is OP?
Your Parents are right you should support family. And Mark is your family don’t go and tell your Brother why. NTA