'AITA if I skip my sister's wedding reception since my GF wasn't invited?' UPDATED
"WIBTA If I Skipped My Sister's Wedding Reception?"
I don't want to cause drama in my family but I'm so tired of how I'm being treated. My twin sister is getting married in a few months. To preface all of this, she was basically my personal bully growing up so we aren't close.
Since getting engaged, she's made it a point to make sure I know I'm JUST a guest, not included in the wedding. She also said that neither me nor my sister would be in the wedding, then had my sister as a bridesmaid. Then she proceeded to invite all close family and friends wedding dress shopping except for me.
She didn't even ask if I wanted to come, just assumed I wouldn't be able to get the time off of work and so she didn't ask. Finally, she made it a point to make sure I knew I wouldn't be getting a plus one. Specifically that I'd be the only one without a plus one because "it'd cause too much drama."
For more context, I'm a lesbian, happily in a relationship with my girlfriend. My family knows but apparently bringing her would be drama because of my grandfather.
At this point I almost don't want to go at all. So would I be the @$$hole for only showing up for the ceremony?
What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:
Historical_Ad8874 said:
No, YWNBTA! Your sister seriously is, though. You and your girlfriend should just go somewhere for the weekend and treat yourselves to something fun. Then, if your sister asks why you didn’t go to her wedding, you can honestly tell her you wanted to do something enjoyable with the person you love ❤️
hufflepufflepass said:
NTA. There is absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting to be somewhere you don't feel wanted. I don't know what your sisters problem with you is, but people who do things to hurt others really hate it when you act unbothered by their actions. I wouldn't go if it were me, and then I'd go NC. Best of luck to you.
Glad_Performer_7531 said:
i wouldnt even go to the ceremony either i mean why bother when your twin goes out of her way to ensure it would be misery for you?
TheExaspera ssaid:
“Oh dear. Was today when you were getting married? I forgot! So sorry!”
And zippy920 said:
I suggest not going. Why would you want to honor someone who bullies you? Attending the wedding is honoring her, something she doesn't deserve. Do something fun with your gf. You don't need to explain your decision. Just say you made plans with your gf. NTA
Four months later, she shared this update on the situation:
Hi again — I posted a few months ago about my twin sister’s wedding and how she was excluding me and my girlfriend (Jamie), treating me like a second-class guest, and generally making it clear I wasn’t welcome as my full self.
TL;DR of that: she excluded me from everything, made it a point that I wouldn't have a plus one (everyone else did), and made sure I knew I was “just a guest.” I'm a lesbian and have a wonderful girlfriend, and apparently her presence would be “too much drama.” Well, since that post, things got more complicated.
Now my older sister (Claire) is also getting married — on New Year’s Eve, just a couple months after my twin’s wedding in October. And surprise: she’s pulled the same thing. Jamie wasn’t invited. I didn’t even get that info directly — my mom told me, saying only married couples could bring their partners.
The thing is, I’m literally a bridesmaid in Claire’s wedding. I felt honored when she asked, but now I just feel erased.
And here’s the thing I’ve been struggling to say out loud: it really feels like this is happening because I’m gay.
I’ve been with Jamie for 7 months. We’re serious about each other, and I would absolutely be bringing her if I were straight — no one would blink. But instead I’m being told her presence would “cause drama,” when literally all she’s done is love me and show up kindly. I’m invited as a bridesmaid — but still treated like I have to keep parts of myself hidden to belong. It’s not always explicit, but it’s there. And it hurts.
My mom keeps telling me I’m overreacting and that it’s “their day” so I should just go along with what they want. But it feels less like a request and more like a message: you and your relationship aren’t valid.
After a long silence, my twin (Sophie) did call me and we talked. She apologized, kind of, and I eventually said I’d go to her ceremony only — but I honestly regret that. It came with guilt-tripping, and now I just feel like I gave in.
This whole thing has wrecked me. My health (I have chronic issues) has completely crashed from the stress. I can barely function. I’ve been crying constantly, and even simple things are overwhelming. My friend pointed out that ever since this wedding drama started, I’ve been spiraling. I’m starting to feel like I’m not just hurt — I’m actually being harmed by this dynamic.
I don’t even want to go to either wedding anymore, but I’m scared of the fallout. My family keeps saying they love me, but their actions say I’m only acceptable when I hide parts of myself. It feels like I’m being asked to show up and smile while swallowing every part of myself that doesn’t fit their mold.
So here’s where I’m at: I already told Sophie I’ll go to her ceremony only (not reception). I’m still technically a bridesmaid for Claire. I feel completely unsupported, excluded, and like I’m “too much” just for existing. I’m debating whether I should even go at all at this point — but I’m terrified I’ll burn bridges if I don’t.
Would I be the @$$hole if I backed out of these weddings? Or at least Claire’s, where I haven’t officially addressed the issue yet? Or is there a better way to set a boundary without blowing everything up?
Any advice would mean a lot. I’m exhausted.
Edit: I feel like something that should be clarified since some of y'all are hung up on my relationship being 7 months... Claire just got engaged last month to her fiance after dating the guy for 5 months. So calm down guys. She's known him less time than I've known my girlfriend
This is what commenters had to say:
Signal-Baseball9857 said:
NTA if you back out. You're more concerned about the fallout than you are about just how badly this is damaging your health. What would you say to your best friend if they were going through something like this? What would you say if you saw and knew that it was also physically harming them? You have one life that's hard enough as it is. You don't need people flaring up your illness.
Backing out and being low contact is going to be so much healthier for you. In order to make space for what you deserve you first need to clear some space
Material_Cellist4133 said:
You need to back out. It’s better to have the fallout and get therapy for it than allowing your bigot family disrespect you and your relationship.
And Upbeat_Music6793 said:
Who cares if you burn bridges. Burn it all the way down. People who don’t accept all of you get none of you
She then shared this second update in response to the commenters:
Thank you all for your perspectives — even those who told me to grow a backbone. I needed to hear a lot of this. It’s still hard to admit, but I’ve come to realize my family is mistreating me. That clarity hurts, but I think it’s necessary.
I’ll be discussing next steps with my (somewhat established) therapist on Monday. Right now, I’m strongly leaning toward going low or no contact with both of my sisters. As for my mom… I’m less certain. She’s still been dismissive and hurtful throughout this, but I have seen some growth from her over the past couple years.
She no longer threatens to kick me out for being gay or using tarot cards (she thought they were a demonic portal). She tolerates my girlfriend and my queer friends being in the house. I know that’s not the same as acceptance — it’s still just tolerance — but it’s also not the same as open hostility. There may still be a small piece of hope for that relationship. I don’t know yet.
Either way, I’m grateful for this wake-up call. I’ve been so focused on holding the peace that I didn’t realize how much harm I’ve been swallowing just to stay “included."