'AITA? I skipped my sister's wedding because she was charging admission.'
"AITA? I skipped my sister's wedding because she was charging admission."
I could use some outside perspective on a family mess that’s been really bothering me. My older sister is getting married soon. I was honestly super excited at first I love weddings, and she seemed really happy. But things got kind of weird once she started planning everything.
Instead of just inviting people to celebrate, she and her fiancé decided that every family member needed to pay to attend. Not like buying your own dress or travel (which I’d expect), but actually pitching in for the wedding expenses things like the catering, flowers, decor, and whatever else they’ve got planned at this fancy hotel venue.
They’re calling it a “shared celebration” and acting like it’s normal for guests to help fund it. Her fiancé’s family is on board and paying their share, so I guess it’s just expected that we do the same.
When she told me, I was kind of shocked. I brought up how uncomfortable it made me and how it felt less like a wedding and more like buying a ticket to a private party. I also gently suggested maybe going with a less expensive wedding if money was that tight but she completely shut me down.
She got super defensive, said I wasn’t being supportive, and we ended up yelling at each other. She even blocked me for a bit after that. Eventually, I got a wedding invitation… but inside was a note saying that unless I had “contributed,” I shouldn’t come.
At that point, I just felt done. I love my sister, but it felt really wrong to be asked to pay hundreds if not up to a thousand dollars just to be there, especially when I wasn’t even asked to be a bridesmaid or anything. Plus, she’s not covering hotel rooms, and it’s in a super pricey location. I’m still in school, I work part time, and I just don’t have that kind of money to spare.
My parents think I should just pay it, show up, and keep the peace, but honestly? I don’t feel like being guilted into spending that kind of money just to prove I care about my sister. So yeah, I didn’t go. And now things are tense.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
Okay, alot to unpack here. NTA at all on it. She is getting married that is THEIR expense. If they couldn't afford it then why don't they have a courthouse wedding? If your parent's want you to go they should pay your "part" then. A lot of people do not have that kind of money just floating around for a "party".
This is something that is ridiculous to even expect from GUESTS. I wouldn't attend, if I don't have the money I definitely don't have the time to waste on something like that. I wouldn't get bullied into spending my money on their "happy ever after".
The invitation would of sent me over the edge. I would of sent it back to sender as not coming and to never contact me again. People are so quick to spend your money and time and be petty when you push back. Don't fall for it.
Exactly this. If they can’t afford their own wedding, that’s on them— not an excuse to guilt-trip family into footing the bill. The “pay to attend” part would’ve been my final straw too. Guests aren’t ATMs. Good on OP for standing their ground.
NTA. Your sister is being insane. That your family thinks you should pay up and “keep the peace” begs the question…WHOSE peace? Your entitled sister’s? Theirs because they don’t have the backbone to tell her no? Certainly not yours.
Hopefully she only gets married once, because I can’t imagine paying for a sequel. Your sister is the one who threw a wrench in the family wheel. I suggest being busy and far away.
Not Overreacting. Charging an 'admission fee' for a wedding is weird. Bad enough to pick an expensive hotel. It IS perfectly normal to NOT attend a wedding that you can't afford. When my oldest brother got married, his bride insisted on a destination wedding in Jamaica.
I couldn't afford to go and I couldn't take the time off from work... Guess what? Absolutely EVERYONE was perfectly fine with that. Anyone who tried to insist that you needed to be there, should have stepped up and paid for you. And anyone who tries to guilt trip you for not going, needs to start supplementing your income. With no strings attached.
This is so tacky, super weird, and just lame. I'm sorry but your sister has zero class. You can't afford it. End of discussion. I've never ever heard of anybody doing anything so lame. I'm sorry. I hope your family comes to their senses and holds nothing against you.
NTA. It wasn’t an invitation to attend their wedding, it was a financial demand of £100s+ to £1000 to pay for their wedding. Your sister ls the one who chose that you didn’t attend as she stated don’t come if you aren’t willing to pay her (outrageous) financial demand to fund their wedding.
Tell your family to “take it up with sister as she’s the one who chose that you didn’t attend… blackmailing you over money she was demanding to fund her expensive wedding. Family don’t blackmail each other.”
Don't make people pay if you want them at your wedding. This is so tacky and shameful. Not everybody has a couple of hundred or even thousands lying around for someone else's wedding.
Also, "your wedding isn't mandatory to attend". Especially if you are so cheap that you have to make them pay for it. So NTA here. She doesn't have say over your wallet, or anybody's for that matter. And if it's above what you can or want to spend, then you don't go. Don't go into debt for someone else's party.
For the guild trip triers in your family, just tell them you can't afford that kind of money. And if your sister really wanted you there, SHE would make that happen without making you go into debt. And not extort money out of you that you don't have. Because that's also family.