"AITA for skipping my best friend's wedding?"
Let me first say - this is not an actual wedding ceremony with traditional reception. It's a small homemade dinner on a weekday after a courthouse ceremony. She still lives in our hometown, so I have to fly there. Since it's in the middle of the week, I have to take PTO. Flights are around $500. I've tried every way I know how to find a cheaper flight, but I'm not finding anything.
I will have to pay for transportation to and from airport or parking at the airport, so another $100. Thankfully, I am able to stay with family so I won't need a hotel or car. But $600 for a small after-wedding dinner seems crazy.
It is partially my fault for waiting until the last minute to book a flight, but I wasn't sure if this event was actually going to happen. She told me about it a couple of months ago and never sent out invitations.
However, she did travel for my wedding. My wedding was more of a weekend event where everyone who came in early went out for drinks on Thursday, rehearsal and rehearsal dinner on Friday, and wedding on Saturday. So a lot of effort had to go into my wedding, but we got to spend way more time together. This will only be the dinner for a few hours. I'm not trying to shame the wedding.
My wedding fit me and my husband's vibe and her and her husband's fits their vibe. I am SO happy for the both of them! Beyond the time, money, and effort to go to this event, I have a chronic illness and am in the middle of a flare. It takes a lot out of me to travel alone.
My husband doesn't have any PTO to spare, so he can't assist me. The cheapest flight has layovers both ways. It will be a lot on my body and I know it will take me a while to recover after.
My husband and I do have a trip planned the following weekend, but that flight is non-stop and he will be there to navigate me through the airport and help with our bags. I don't know what to do. I don't want to be a bad friend, but I also don't want to put myself in a bad place financially and physically. So...AITA if I don't go?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
trina999 said:
NAH. Whilst it would be nice to go, part of being an adult is knowing your limits and communicating them and accepting that your friend will be disappointed. If they are truly your best friend explain that as much as you would want to be there you can’t and that you would love to see and celebrate with them at a later date when you can make arrangements to travel and your health is better.
Brain_Dead_mom said:
NTA I’m so sorry I can’t make it can we arrange a weekend where I can come visit and celebrate with you all? You don’t have to celebrate the actual day with them. If it I’d important for you to be there ask is someone can FaceTime you!
wharleeprof said:
NAH. It's your call whether the trip is worth it for you. Be mindful about how you phrase declining the invitation. I'd focus on the health issue, not that the wedding doesn't seem like a worthwhile event for travel. Send your regrets, a nice card, and a thoughtful gift.
Seaworthypear said:
YTA big time. She spent the time and money on your wedding If it's your best friend why are you even considering skipping?
moonhrafn said:
NTA: It's ok to prioritize your own needs. I think the key is to let your friend know - and try to make a plan to do something special together soon to commemerate this big milestone. I highly suggest sending her a nice card - ideally something with a really personal touch (like something you made yourself) and a good long letter of well wishes.
GirlDad2023_ said:
This isn't a formal wedding, it's a celebratory dinner. You don't have to go anywhere you don't want to go. NTA.
trina999 said:
NAH. Whilst it would be nice to go, part of being an adult is knowing your limits and communicating them and accepting that your friend will be disappointed. If they are truly your best friend explain that as much as you would want to be there you can’t and that you would love to see and celebrate with them at a later date when you can make arrangements to travel and your health is better.