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'AITA for skipping my brother's wedding?' 'His fiancée excluded my wife.'

'AITA for skipping my brother's wedding?' 'His fiancée excluded my wife.'

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"AITA for skipping my brother's wedding because his fiancée excluded my wife from the guest list?"

My brother James is getting married next month, and what should have been a joyous family event has turned into a nightmare. The issue? His fiancée, Emily, didn’t invite my wife, Lisa, to the wedding.

Emily and Lisa have never been close, but I wouldn’t call them enemies either. However, Emily has always seemed a bit cold toward Lisa. The tipping point was last year during a family vacation. Lisa, who’s naturally outgoing and bubbly, struck up conversations with everyone, including strangers at the resort.

Emily, who’s quieter and more reserved, seemed annoyed by this. After the trip, she told James that Lisa was “attention-seeking” and accused her of making the vacation all about herself. I didn’t think much of it at the time, chalking it up to personality differences.

Fast forward to now, and Emily has made it clear she doesn’t want Lisa at her wedding. When I confronted James about it, he admitted it was Emily’s decision and said he didn’t want to push back because “it’s her day.” He added that I should respect Emily’s wishes and come to the wedding alone, for the sake of family harmony.

I was stunned. Lisa and I have been married for five years. She’s part of this family. Excluding her feels like a slap in the face, not just to her but to me as well. When I told James I wouldn’t attend without Lisa, he accused me of being dramatic and trying to punish him for something out of his control. He said I was letting Lisa’s “hurt feelings” ruin his wedding day.

Our parents are divided. My dad says I’m right to stand by my wife and that James and Emily are being unreasonable. My mom, on the other hand, thinks I should just “keep the peace” and attend the wedding because “it’s not worth destroying your relationship with your brother over one day.”

Lisa has been deeply hurt by the whole ordeal. She feels disrespected and excluded and told me she would never have done something like this if the roles were reversed. She’s trying to be supportive of whatever decision I make, but I can tell she’d be devastated if I went to the wedding without her. It’s put a strain on our marriage because she feels like I’m not standing up for her enough.

At the same time, James is my only sibling, and I’ve always thought we were close. I know skipping his wedding will hurt him, and it could permanently damage our relationship. Part of me wonders if I should just swallow my pride and go for his sake.

But another part of me feels like this isn’t just about one day it’s about standing up for what’s right. I don’t want to ruin my brother’s wedding, but I also don’t want to betray my wife or compromise my values. So, AITA for refusing to go to my brother’s wedding without Lisa?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

_iron_butterfly_ said:

NTA - Do not go without your wife. Emily is causing the division, not you. It's your brother's day too. He should have a huge say on who attends HIS wedding. If anything, standing by your wife's side will show him how to be a better husband or maybe to consider finding a better wife.

wugmuffin12 said:

NTA. Turn it around on him and ask how he would feel if the roles were reversed? How would his fiancee feel if the roles were reversed? The fiancee is joining this family and she should bear that in mind. Your wife is already in that family. You can't choose who your family is, least of all who your siblings marry, but you can tolerate them. It's the fiancee who is causing this rift, not you.

naligu said:

Nta. Your wife needs to be your priority in this.

False-Statistician29 said:

NTA, if you don't go. You can either ruin your relationship with your brother or ruin your relationship with your wife. I gave up doing things to keep the peace. I am not mean or say whatever comes to my mind but don't allow others emotions make my decisions. It is about what protects those I have relationship that deserve to be protected.

Greedy-Cantaloupe668 said:

NTA. In a world in which Emily & James’s action to exclude Lisa are acceptable (I’m giving them the benefit of the doubt b/c maybe there’s something Lisa did that would really make Emily not want her there and we don’t know what it is), I think it’s fine to also pass on the wedding for similar reasons. Everyone deserves space, and actions beget consequences. I’m sorry you’re going through this.

Obvious-Block6979 said:

NTA. First of all it’s not Emily’s day. It’s Emily’s and your brother’s day. Secondly your brother 100% has control over the guest list. They share this wedding. They are both making this choice. His I do is equal to hers.

You have to do you. Are you supposed to go to this wedding have a good time then go home to your devastated wife like it was nothing and carry on? Does your mom really think this is going to keep the peace?

Unfortunately I think your family dynamics have been altered forever. Even if they were to invite her now, the damage has been done. Will you ever be able to have an enjoyable family vacation again? Could you go and enjoy the wedding if your wife did come? Won’t your wife always be self conscious around your family now? Will she ever just be able to be herself again?

Sources: Reddit
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