'AITA for skipping Christmas presents for my sister?' 'It's online shopping with a middle man.'
"AITA for skipping Christmas presents for my sister, because it is like online shopping with a middle man?"
My (F32) sister (F34) created a group chat with me and our brother (M26) yesterday, asking for our Christmas lists for Black Friday shopping. I assembled a list fairly quick and sent on, with some open categories like board games or wool underwear (it’s cold here), and some more specific links to things I want. My brother did the same.
My sister also sent a similar list, with some open categories and like five specific links on it (with size, color etc). We discuss a budget and agree on 100 dollars. This morning I ordered the bedding she wanted (right size and color), and one of the more open options. About 80 dollars, so will top up with something fun I find before Christmas.
This afternoon she tells the gc she no longer wants the bedding as she has found and bought one she wants more. I ask her “if one were to hypothetically have already bought the bedding, would you still want it or want me to return it.
"She said “I would prefer if you returned it and bought me something I actually want." I told her “ok, but this is starting to feel like a transaction. Like internet shopping with a middle man."
She got upset and said she was tired of getting things she doesn’t want or need, and that if I felt that way I didn’t need to buy her anything (but that she’s already spent 4 hours shopping today trying to get everyone the perfect thing, including me). I will of course give her a Christmas present, but AITA for saying this is ruining gift giving (which I usually love)?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
small-cats said:
NTA. I feel like if you put something on your Christmas list and share it, you really shouldn’t go and buy it for yourself at that point. It makes more work for the person who now has to return a gift and buy something else.
Worth-Season3645 said:
NTA…she gave you a list. She was shopping on Black Friday, did she not think others would? Let her return the item.
Upstairs-Banana41 said:
NTA all the way. What tf does she mean that "she was tired of getting things she doesn’t want or need?" She literally asked for the bedding, she can't expect you to read her mind.
2wheelmoron69 said:
The entire culture around gift giving is f'd now. Maybe it’s diluted by my memories but it seemed like a fun time of the year to give a thoughtful gift to someone you love. Now it seems like the entire culture is more about accounting to be sure you spent just the right amount on some pre chosen item and no one cares about just picking something special for someone special.
pklady said:
NTA - It does kind of feel like a middleman situation when you're just buying what she tells you to. It’s not like the classic “thoughtful gift” moment where you get to surprise someone with something they didn’t expect.
But, in fairness, she might be getting overwhelmed with the pressure of making everything perfect, especially if she's spending hours trying to get it all right. Maybe next time just ask her what she really wants upfront to avoid this awkward “return it” situation.
amdaly10 said:
NTA. It's incredibly rude to put something on your list and then buy it for yourself. You need to wait until after Christmas to buy yourself things off your list.