'AITA for skipping a family party because I didn't want to see my half sister or her dad who hate me for being an affair baby?'
"AITA for skipping a family party because I didn't want to see my half sister or her dad who hate me for being an affair baby?"
I (17f) have a half sister (19f). I always knew she had a dad and I didn't but when we were 5 and 7 she started telling me she wished I had never been born and she hated me and her dad hated me because I was an affair baby.
Our mom thought we were close and she hoped being close in age meant that stuff would never be an issue. But my half sister heard about it from her dad when it was his parenting time.
He told her to make sure I never used anything he bought for her. She told me about that. She said anything that her dad bought her was for her and her dad would puke if I used them.
Whenever mom or someone else in our family called us sisters she'd get mad at me and say I wasn't her sister and she'd yell at me when no adults were around. I ended up telling our mom what was happening when I was 7. And even then I felt conflicted because I hoped she'd like me and knew she'd hate me more for telling.
Mom tried to do stuff we'd both like and she would praise whenever we could sit and "get along" even though my half sister was just waiting until mom wasn't around to be mean.
When she got a little older she started doing a bunch more activities and there were more chances for me to see her dad when mom would take me along to support my half sister. He was rude or gross to me.
There was a time he told me not to look at him because I wasn't his kid and he called my mom a w*ore and said that's what I was destined to be too. There were so many incidents with him and my mom knew about those and she'd get into fights with him.
That made my half sister angry and it kind of built until she was 13 and told mom that she didn't care that her dad was awful to me and I was a gross affair baby and neither of them should need to be around me.
My half sister chose to live with her dad when she turned 16 and she didn't come to mom's at all. My mom tried to fight for custody and intensive therapy but lost because of how old my sister was. I saw my half sister at school and she took every chance to be mean and nasty to me.
Our extended family knew about everything but because mom cheated they had kept in touch with my half sister's dad and always included him in stuff but he'd decline. Now he's accepting stuff and I saw them twice in the last year.
So when another family party came up yesterday I chose not to go. My mom and family tried to make me go but I said I didn't want to be around my half sister or her dad.
They told me it was the wrong decision and I shouldn't let them keep me from my family. But I don't want to be subjected to their hate for me anymore. I'll never have a sister. He'll never just ignore me (which would be way easier). AITA?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
Tell your mom flat out that being forced to hang out with your sister is cruel and she needs to stop punishing you for adult mistakes. NTA.
NTA. Your mom and her dad are the AHs. Your mom for cheating and creating this situation as well as not protecting you and her dad for treating an innocent child this way and for brainwashing his daughter into believing you’re the enemy.
I feel bad for you and your sister. What could have been a healthy and supportive relationship was destroyed by these two terrible human beings. Don’t go to these get together if they’re going to be there. Protect your peace.
Did your mom ever told you what happened to your real father.
Thelllorr (OP)
She let me contact him. He doesn't want anything to do with me and considers me a mistake he made.
Wait your family know how they treated you and they STILL invite him? I understand inviting her because she’s family, but him? Your NTA but your family sure are. Given how he a full grown man has treated a child they shouldn’t want him around at all.
Thelllorr (OP)
They did and that hurts because they can't say they love me and care about me and then be buddies with someone who treats me like that.
You are 1000% correct, OP. They will try to pretend that this is wrong, that you are overreacting, etc. You are not. Remember, this is absolutely correct.
NTA. Have you ever thought of turning the tables - "Oh yea, you're that guy who made Mom miserable!", "Oh yea, the guy who abused me", "Oh, the little princess, who just parroted her father. Can you think for yourself yet?", "You have told me this for seventeen years!
Just because you don't get it after all this time, do you think I am dumb like you?" etcetera....
Have you thought about therapy? Because you should not be the one that is missing out on stuff that you would like to do. But also, you do not have to do anything you don't want to do, least of all because of two abusers.
I think you don't realize that the mom is the villain in this story, OP cant say he made her mom miserable cause thats literally her own fault for cheating. although yes its extremely unfair for OP, its logical her half Sisters dad doesn't like OP. However he does not have a right at all to treat her like that no matter how hurt he is.