'AITA for skipping my husband’s cousin’s wedding and refusing to gift them anything?' 'He's the Best Man.'
"AITA for skipping my husband’s cousin’s wedding and refusing to gift them anything?"
Some context first: let’s call them “Team Priorities.” Since the beginning of our relationship, I learned my husband is the go-to person for family when it comes to money. Once we got serious and started a family of our own, we agreed to stop the handouts. We’re not wealthy by any means, but when we’re in a tight spot, we hustle and make it work without asking others for help.
But every now and then, “Team Priorities” sneaks back in and asks my husband to help cover a bill or some urgent expense. The frustrating part is the timing—shortly after asking for money, the fiancée is often posting about new outfits, day trips, or looking for tattoo artists. It’s hard not to feel taken advantage of.
Their latest visit really frustrated me. They said they wanted to come see us so the kids could spend time together (they’re close in age). We agreed and let them stay with us, thinking it was for quality family time. Wrong. They treated our house like a free Airbnb.
We saw them one full day and briefly in the evenings—otherwise, they were off doing their own thing. Our daughter was really disappointed, which left me annoyed and honestly, a little sour.
Then came the kicker. A week after they left, my husband got an alert that his credit score dropped 30 points. Turns out his cousin (the groom) missed a car payment. My husband co-signed that loan before we ever met. So they came to stay with us knowing they were in default—and didn’t say a word. Meanwhile, that missed payment affected our financial standing.
I was livid. I wanted to message the fiancée and tell her to get their act together because it’s beyond disrespectful. My husband and I argued about it. He said I shouldn’t get involved and that the fiancée has nothing to do with the loan. But we’ve tried to get him removed from the loan and can’t—his cousin’s credit is too low.
I even asked why the fiancée (soon to be wife!) couldn’t take over the loan, but my husband brushed it off, saying there’s only a year left. After sitting with it, I decided I’m not attending their wedding. My husband is still going—he’s the best man. But our daughter is starting kindergarten that same week, and I don’t want her missing those first days.
Plus, she’s attending private school, so every penny counts, and I made it clear there will be no gift from us and he won’t be footing the entire bill for the bachelor trip either.
If it weren’t for the kids, I’d have stepped back from this relationship a long time ago. The fiancée gives off strong narcissistic/toxic vibes—but that’s another post. So, AITA for skipping the wedding and refuse to gift them anything?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
littlebitfunny21 said:
Your husband is the problem. He's the one letting his family disappoint your daughter. He's the one letting himself get taken advantage of. He's the one risking your financial security for these people. He's the one insisting you say nothing to them. Your anger needs to be directed where it belongs: at your husband.
KLG999 said:
The whole fiancée focus is very confusing and it doesn’t even fit the issue. As for the car loan. There is nothing you can do about it. Your husband co-signed. That means according to the bank, he borrowed the money.
He either tells someone to repossess it and take that credit hit, pay the bill or hope his cousin gets his act together and keep up the payments. There should be no more funds going from your husband to his family.
creamsodapoo said:
NTA. They’re mooching off you and your husband.
Regular_Abrocoma_319 said:
Nta, your gift was the car payment.
Muted-Explanation-49 said:
NTA, hopefully your bank accounts are separate.
Carolann0308 said:
NTA, the people throwing a wedding when they can’t cover a car payment are a pair of untrustworthy AHs. Be sure to ask your husband if there are any other Loans he co-signed and hasn’t mentioned to you.