'AITA for snapping and asking our server, 'Would you like us to order less?''
"AITA for snapping and asking our server, 'Would you like us to order less?'"
So for context, I am 34 weeks pregnant. After work today, I met up with a friend and my husband at raw bar for oysters and beer. I can’t have either of those things right now, but was happy just to be out.
I walked in a few minutes after them, just as they were being greeted by the server. When I walked up, she looked at me and said “I see you waddling up, you can’t eat here!” I laughed it off (I assume this was just an off color joke) and told her I was happy just to hang out.
After ordering drinks, my husband started talking with her about the oyster selection. I introduced my husband to oysters a few years ago. When I’m not pregnant, going out for oysters and beers is one of our things.
I normally order the oysters, as he doesn’t know much about the different types and how the flavor changes by region. It’s not a big deal, it’s just something I know more about. He normally chooses our beers, because that’s something he knows more about.
So, after the server told us about the different choices, I started discussing them with my husband and telling him which ones I thought he would like (our friend ordered other raw bar items, but didn’t want oysters).
The server seemed annoyed by this, and made a comment about how I was being “bossy.” I ignored her, ordered the oysters for my husband and made no other comments on anything else that was ordered for table.
After the first round of food, my husband wanted more oysters, so he called the server back over and he asked me to tell her which oysters he liked so he could get more. This is where things went south.
At his request, I ordered for him. The server, looking very annoyed, said that I was “pushing him around” and then said “I hope you come back when you’re not pregnant so I can get to know the real you.” I snapped. I asked pointedly “Would you like us to order less?” She got quiet, walked away, and a new server helped us for the rest of our night.
Now, I do think she was out of line, but pregnancy hormones are real and I worry I should have just seen this as harmless clowning and not snapped at her. Our friend says I was in the right, my husband says it wasn’t worth engaging in. So, AITA?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
NTA. What she said was impolite and unprofessional. She should’ve just done her job instead of making unwanted comments.
She was out of line right there. And making comments about you being bossy or pushing your husband around was completely out of line. I've never heard a single server making such a comment to anyone. It warrants calling the manager over. You are totally NTA.
Intelligent_Truth_95 (OP)
It did seem pretty wild. I felt like at first maybe she was just trying to be funny, but something about her last comment just hit me hard.
NTA - she did seem out of line. I think your level of engagement was appropriate, if not maybe too polite given the level of service.
You came in after your husband? To me it reads like she was trying to make a play for him and she was extremely rude and inconvenienced by your presence. First commenting on your walk and then trying to say not once but twice that you're overbearing. NTA.
NTA. I own a restaurant. I would fire her. Commenting on someone's pregnancy at all risks liability exposure. Legally we can't discriminate based on pregnancy. Even if you are about to pop, if you order oysters and a beer, that server has to serve you just as she would anyone else. She doesn't know you're pregnant and it is illegal for her to ask.
Sounds like she figured your hubby was single and your arrival was the fly in the ointment of her plan to flirt it up with your husband.
NTA I'm not pregnant and I would have spoken to her manager about her comments. It's not even about the oysters. It's about the weird comments on your relationship with your husband.
I don’t think you’re the AH at all. You know your husband best and he seemed super open to you helping him order oysters for him. I think the server was being completely unprofessional and I think you did the right thing...
You shouldn’t think too much about it like I said you know your husband best and he seems comfortable with you ordering for him so you can just make suggestions. You don’t have to force him to get something.
NTA. The minute that you walked in and she made the comment she did, was the moment you and your husband at least should have walked out! Even though you were with another friend, hopefully, after hearing that comment, they would have agreed to leaving.
Sure, it would have been a disappointment, but no one should have to put up with that attitude! Since you decided to stay, I would have called for the manager and asked the server to repeat what she said in front of him.
She should have been fired on the spot. From what you described about the amount of food, the bill would not have been small, so presumably a large tip would have been on the cards.
Given the attitude of the original server, I would have put zero tip, but, then given the second server a cash tip appropriate to the service she gave. Hopefully, if you ever return, the first server will have been fired. Happy pregnancy. Enjoy the baby! Oh, I mean don't eat it!!🙃🙃
She was RADICALLY out of line! I can't believe how measured people are being below. Her commenting on your pregnant body, telling you you're controlling your husband, and being impatient with a customer, are all HUGE no-nos in service jobs. You absolutely should report her to management.
WHAT?!? I was a server for yearssss and first of all, never comment on a potential pregnancy. Especially not say waddle. It’s wild how unfriendly she was to you!
I’m the furthest thing from Karen, no actually I am a punk lesbian who doesn’t care about anything, but I would email the restaurant about this. That’s just so so so inappropriate, creepy towards your husband, and I don’t understand why anyone would want to crash their tip like like that NTA!!!