Brother who 'disrespected' and 'neglected' mom demands full inheritence for himself. AITA?
"AITA for snapping at my brother over our mom’s inheritance?"
I (28) got into a pretty ugly fight with my oldest brother (41) recently, and I’m still trying to figure out if I was in the wrong or just reached a breaking point. Our mom passed away last month. It’s been hard.
She left behind a will that split everything equally between me and my two brothers. Seemed fair. But ever since then, my oldest brother has been acting like he deserves the whole thing.
For some BG he’s been jobless for years and basically lived off our mom. He didn’t treat her well constantly stressed her out, ignored her emotional needs, and when she started getting sick, he refused to get her proper medical help because he didn’t want to “waste” money.
I can’t let go of that that. Watching her health decline while he did nothing. After out father died year’s ago his inheritance was split between all four of my family members (my brothers and our mom).
He’d been pestering our mom to hand over her part of the property to him since then. This has caused a lot problems in the past to the point of physical more than once. The worse part was that few hours before she died, he was discussing the split of the property right in front of her at the hospital room, our mother couldn’t talk but she could see and hear everything.
Now that she’s gone, he’s saying things like deserves it but the truth is, all he did was to mooch of her and caused her distress. He didn’t even help get her the treatment she needed, which was a reason for her rapid health decline. He just lived in her house and drained her of everything.
After the funeral one of my relatives came to me and vouched for him, he tried to convince me to sacrifice for his sake, I was just boiling inside, we barely buried our mom and he pulls this shit on us, I said nothing that day.
Last week, he started pushing hard for me to give up my share of the inheritance. He said he needed it, for what reason he didn’t tell. I tried to stay calm, but the way he talked about her like she owed him everything, even in death made my blood boil.
Eventually, I lost iI yelled. Things went out of control. turned physical. I threw myself at him, and my other brother (38) couldn’t take it either so he also joined me. It wasn’t some brutal scene, just a few hits, but yeah, I snapped.
Years of built-up resentment just poured out. I don’t regret what I did, he completely disrespected our mom even now, even after everything she gave him. Please share your opinions on this matter.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
NTA - your brother's a loser. Don't give in, your mom left that share to you. Cut contact with that useless brother, honestly.
Aggressive_Baby_6573 (OP)
Thanks, I really needed to hear that. It’s been eating at me, mom's death was at part his fault,and now he's just being an ass all over.
Tell your brother or any relative trying to get more than was left to him in a will to hire an attorney to contest the will. Everyone will shut up very quickly.
Aggressive_Baby_6573 (OP)
We're already in the legal process for equal share of moms property, I'm definitely not giving him a penny more that what he'll get.
Do we have the same brother? My parent is still with us but I fear this is the same trajectory my other siblings and I are headed to. NTA. And tell any family member to mind their business and hand him their money instead.
Dude watched your mother get worse and chose not to help. And now he thinks he’s owed something just cuz he stuck around long enough to see her die? Nah. He earned that punch. Hell, he earned more than that.
If you truly believe he contributed to your mother’s passing by neglect, please document everything.
First things first, my condolences for your loss. Especially having to deal with this BS on top of what you lost. My heart is breaking reading this. Now on to the matter at hand.
How are you even asking if you're the AH here. He sounds like a total PoS. Obviously NTA. Even if it was a brutal beat down, he would have deserved it for his selfish, entitled and disrespectful behavior.
It's sickening that he let her health decline like that. I hope this goes smoother going forward, and I hope you find peace once it's all settled. You don't deserve to be dealing with his selfishness during such a difficult time.
You and your brothers don't get to decide anything. If she had a will then that moves into probate and the distribution is decided based on that after all the expenses are paid off. If she didn't have a will then the estate is decided by the probate court following rules as set down by the state.
You tell him, You are an abusive POS that pushed .om into an early grave. You took advantage of her at every opportunity and you've already gotten more than your fair share of the inheritance. If it was up to us, you'd get nothing, but since it's Mom's wishes, you'll get your 1/3 and nothing more.
Now piss off until it's probated. Prepare to move from the house, because we're selling it." OP, make sure you and your other brother get in the house and do an inventory before loser brother starts selling it off, such as jewelry, etc.
NTA. I feel so bad for your poor mother. The entitled baby man just lost his meal ticket and life of leisure, so of course he's going to throw a tantrum. Any relatives who support him need to be told the truth of how horrible he was to your mother.
If they still take his side, ignore and block them. Block him and consider getting a lawyer if it looks like the division of assets will be difficult. Don't let him get away with his nonsense.