'AITA for snapping at my sister and making her cry during dinner?' UPDATED

"AITA for snapping at my sister and making her cry during dinner?"

Context: I (18f) have always been seen as the more responsible child over my sister (20f). I could always balance my social life and my academics well, which led my to being a great student ambassador and an honors student while still enjoying high school parties and the likes.

My sister on the other hand does not have the same balance and has often had parties take priority over school which has made my parents lose some trust in her.

My sister was only allowed by my parents to stay at the best private university in our city, while I have just been allowed to attend the most prestigious university in our country. My sister has been ranting and complaining about this, even going so far as saying that my parents have favorites and its not her.

At some point, she stopped talking about my parents and instead started talking about how entitled and spoiled I was for going to my dream school and leaving our city. I let it slide because I know that she had a right to be mad since I was allowed into my dream school while she wasn’t, but her comments started getting worse and one night at dinner, as she was ranting to our common friends, I just snapped.

I told her that her irresponsibility in high school was the cause of our parents not trusting her and it is not my fault that she lost her chance to go to her dream school. My parents were just not willing to pay a fortune for her to go to school only for her not to take her studies seriously.

I told her if anything, she was the spoiled one in our situation because this year, I am the GRADUATE yet all I’ve gotten was headphones while she has gotten a new iPad, a room makeover, and an increase in allowance she doesn’t even need. I pointed out that she was the favorite child, since even during my birthday trip to Japan, she was the one being followed which meant i didn’t get to do what I wanted to do.

My sister started crying telling me that I don’t deserve anything and I should apologize to her for lying about her. I refuse to apologize for stating facts, but our friends have been telling me that it was an a$$hole move to refuse apologizing causing my sister to continue crying and humiliating herself in public. AITA?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

AquaticStoner1996 said:

Oh my dear God. I am so sick of seeing these posts where one person is so blatantly in the wrong, but OP is doubting themselves because inevitably at the end of the post "my friends or family say I'm the asshole for this"

Can people NEVER BACK UP SOMEONES ACTIONS ? WHY WAS IT OKAY FOR HER TO SIT THERE AND MAKE FUN OF YOU TO YOUR COMMON FRIENDS, AND THEY SAID NOTHING, BUT THE SECOND YOU DEFEND YOURSELF YOU'RE AN A$$HOLE WHO NEEDS TO APOLOGIZE.

nope. I'm so sick of reading that at the bottom. You did nothing wrong, she was being immature and petty and taking it out on you and you snapped. Absolutely NTA. So sick of that.

RighteousVengeance said:

Easy one. NTA. Your sister was ranting non-stop and bad-mouthing you to your mutual friends. You have the right to defend yourself when you're being smeared. And she has taken extended liberties when it comes to crying about the unfairness of it all (if it is unfair). You're entitled to air yours, too.

[deleted] said:

You’re both adults, why the hell are your parents “allowing” what universities you go to?

[deleted] said:

NTA but for the record you both come off sounding like spoiled, petulant brats.

Ghanima81 said:

I think these people are not your mutual friends. They clearly chose a side and it wasn't yours. They're your sister's friends. NTA. And you'll make your own friends in your college. Good for you! Congrats.

Driftwood256 said:

INFO: So, explain this "irresponsibility in high school." Did your sister not get to go to her dream school because: a) her grades weren't good enough to get in, or, b) her grades weren't good enough for her parents, so they won't pay for it?

EDIT from OP:

1.) Just read through all the comments, I am not from India, I am from the Philippines.

2.) My sister is in a PreMed course, Pharmacy, and I am an incoming freshman in Management Engineering.

3.) My sister attends SLU, a well known top school for Medicine. Her dream school is UST, one of the Philippine’s Ivy schools and a good Med school too. I am entering Ateneo De Manila which is one of the highest ranking schools in the country.

4.) My sister is not a bad student. She has been my role model and my best friend since birth. She just doesn’t know how to balance her studies with her social life. She gets Bs and Cs which are good grades in her school and her course, but in the eyes of our parents it is not good enough.

The stereotype that Asian parents want straight As is very real, nothing we can do about that. Even with Ba and Cs, my parents encouraged my sister to fix her papers for transfer to UST (her dream school) during her second semester, my sister refused to do the work. They tried again this year when I was applying for college, she refused yet again.

5.) After getting into a top school in an honors course, I do believe I have the right to be proud of myself. I have avoided talking too much about my plans for school around our family because I know that my sister is jealous. I didn’t even post anything like my friends did just to be respectful.

My sister, in all her wisdom, said that I cheated in my entrance test and did not deserve a slot in any school I got into. That hurt, its what made me snap, and in the end it’s what made me talk back to my sister.

6.) Y’all really think you know a person online. My sister and I come from a well off family and we are both spoiled, but we are equally supposed to be given things. My comment about the headphones, iPad, and Japan stem from this fact. I got headphones for my graduation gift, while my sister got a new iPad. Price-wise, its not even close which is what made me pissed.

I graduated, yet I get the smaller gift??? My dad has since talked to me about it and he said it was unfair so I will be getting a new iPad too, while my sister is getting the speakers she has been asking for. Japan is a mixed bag, because 18th birthdays are a big thing in the Philippines and I gave up a grand party to ask for a trip to Japan.

Its been a long time dream of mine to go to USJ for Harry Potter World, and my sister ruined that when she convinced my parents to get passes for Disney instead. I love my sister which is why most of the time I just let things go but sometimes things blow up when you hold onto them for so long.

Updates:

I’ve talked to my sister like some have suggested. She told me majority of her comments stem from the fact she doesn’t want me to leave because she doesn’t know how to do the responsibilities I have at home. I’ve offered to teach her so we’ll see how that goes.

She still wants me to apologize because she humiliated herself in public, but I told her it made things even because she was humiliating me too with her comments. We are fighting about that now but honestly we’ll both get over it.