'AITA for snapping at my boyfriend for telling me I should think for myself?' 'I went QUIET.'

"AITA for snapping at my boyfriend for telling me I should think for myself?"

Earlier today, my boyfriend (we’re both 20) was driving me from his house to mine so I could get ready for work. I work at a kindergarten, and lately, I’ve been having a bit of a clothing crisis — I just don’t have much weather-appropriate clothing that’s also comfortable enough for 8-hour shifts.

On the drive, I casually asked him if he had any ideas for what I should wear. I had already been thinking about it but just couldn’t decide. Instead of answering or even brushing it off lightly, he responded with a flat “no.”

I laughed a little and said, “Damn, I’ve been having such a hard time choosing what to wear lately.” It was meant to be lighthearted — just sharing where my head’s been at. But then he suddenly snapped, “You can think for yourself,” in this really harsh, cold tone that immediately changed the vibe.

I was caught off guard. I replied, “I do think for myself, I just thought you might have an idea since I’m in a rush and genuinely don’t know what to wear.” Then he said something that really hurt — he claimed he always has to make decisions for me. That’s just not true. His example? That he always gets me a glass of water when I ask. I didn’t even know how to respond to that. It felt so unfair and exaggerated.

I went quiet. I just turned to look out the window, trying not to cry. But I couldn’t help it — I started crying silently while he kept driving. He didn’t say a word, just started singing along to a song he’d put on.

When we finally got to my place, I looked at him and, through tears, said, “Next time you ask me where you should hang a light or what color to paint a bike, I’ll tell you to think for yourself.”(two things I remembered he had asked yesterday) I was crying openly by then.

I stepped out of the car and added, “I think you were really mean,” before closing the door and walking into my house. He still said nothing — just drove away while I stood there, hysterically crying.

Once I got inside, I texted him to let him know that the way he spoke to me wasn’t okay. A few minutes later, I sent another message saying how hurtful his words were. He hasn’t responded. I still don’t understand what I did to deserve that kind of tone or reaction. I was just asking for a little help, not trying to make him feel burdened. So am I the ahole?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

GooseApprehensive698 said:

Wow, he did you the favor of driving away from your house. Take that opportunity to make sure he doesn’t come back. If he has any crap in your home, leave it at your doorstep for him to pick up.

Something-bothersome said:

NTA. But this didn’t come out of nowhere surely? Anyway, it’s up to you. But I suggest you ask yourself a few questions quietly, because they are critically important.

What do you actually want out of relationships, what are you dating to find? What kind of relationship will give you the kind of life you want? Who do you want to love and be loved by?

Currently you are dating, but are you dating for a life partner? If you are, is this it? If this is it, why are you finding yourself in tears after such a day to day conversation? Why are you so upset if this is your ideal partner?

Anyway, when you are in a clearer headspace, maybe work your way through those and see if you can answer them. Try not to put them off, the longer you wait, the more time you burn.

DollGrrlTrixie said:

NTA. "Then he said something that really hurt — he claimed he always has to make decisions for me. That’s just not true. His example? That he always gets me a glass of water when I ask. I didn’t even know how to respond to that. It felt so unfair and exaggerated."

WTF...what does him retrieving you a glass of water has to do with the price of rice in china? There was no real response to that weird statement.... extremely bad example...Also, stop attempting to communicate with him...wait until he replies. don't let him gaslight you.

If he says more non-sequiturs that are unanswerable, try saying this:
"ENOUGH! i'm done with this nonsense if you can not properly communicate . obviously, you're not serious in resolving our issues in a sensible manner. please contact me when you're ready to have a mature conversation."

Then, go silent. If he wants to play as an immature boy, you may be better off without him.

A9J9B said:

NTA but you should be single. And I'm not saying this because he criticized you. It is because he refused to provide a good example, he refused to have a real discussion and now he ignores you. He sucks. Big time.

Agreeable_Ad7002 said:

NTA - The most generous interpretation I could give your boyfriend is that maybe he had something on his mind that he's worrying about and lacked the emotional maturity to share with you and allowed himself to take out on you something he's dealing, or not dealing with very well.

However it really just reads like he doesn't like you very much, he absolutely had no need to talk so dismissively to you even if he felt he had no advice to give on what to wear and I can't for the life of me see how bringing you a class of water occasionally relates to you not being able to make any decisions for yourself.

CardiologistFar3171 said:

Girl stop talking to that man. Don’t reach out to him. Don’t text him. Don’t tell him you got home okay. Don’t inquire about his well being. Throw him in the garbage.