'AITA for snapping at my brother because his social media posts are why we moved?' MAJOR UPDATE
"AITA for snapping at my brother because he's why we moved?"
Me - 14F Brother (Daniel) - 16M. I used to live in City X, I was born and raised there. All my friends are here, all extracurricular opportunities I have are here (i.e. the debate circuit is very strong here, connections I’ve cultivated for youth activism, good internship opportunities), etc.
But my brother f#$ked up big time about a year ago and ruined it all for us. I’m not going to go into the exact nature of what he did, but it was BAD.
He didn’t do something that would have serious legal consequences or anything. But it was stupid, incredibly problematic, and got him landed in enough s#$t for it to get spread throughout social media. He also got in trouble with the school, and he claimed he couldn’t stay there because his reputation is ruined. Personally, I think he should’ve thought of that BEFORE HE DID IT.
My parents were mad, but they got sympathetic because he said he was getting bullied & they wanted to protect his future, so they moved him to 2 other high schools, but it ended in the same way because everyone knew what happened anyways. So my parents & him decided to move to an entirely different state, in City Y, without consulting me at all.
My brother’s future is important, but why should my future be sacrificed just because he f@#ked up? City Y is super small and has way wose schools, and doesn’t have a debate league. I also had to leave all my friends behind. No one knows about what my brother did, so he’s happy, my parents are happy he’s happy. I’m the only one who’s not happy.
At the risk of sounding cocky, I had a really good future in my extracurriculars. Like definitely could’ve shaped up to be one of the best nationally according to a lot of people, if I had the right coaching and competition. I could’ve gotten scholarships to great schools for it! But no Daniel had to get himself into deep shit, and drag me into it too.
I’ve been here for 4 months now, and I didn’t talk to my brother at all for the first two months. Now we’re all at home, and my frustrations are building every time I see him.
So at dinner, my brother was talking about his college prospects with my parents, and I was just so frustrated that I snapped. Our conversation went like:
Him: I think I have a good shot at getting into [state school]
Me: Like hell you do, with the shit you did last year. If you think running away to a different city and ruining my life can make what you did go away, then you’re in for a f#$king treat.
Him: You’re such a f#$king b@#$h, get over it already.
Mom: donthateondebate, stop blaming your brother, you need to start adjusting to City Y, apologize for what you said.
Dad: [state school] won’t know
Me: I’ll email every single college you apply to with the screenshots and evidence if we don’t move back to City X, thats a promise not a threat
My parents got really furious with me for that, but I’m not joking. AITA or my brother/parents?
The internet did not hold back one bit.
aita-throwaya- wrote:
INFO: What exactly did he do that got him in so much trouble? I feel like that info could be important in deciding whether or not you’re TA.
OP responded:
Daniel went on a racist rant (calling POC students he didn’t like racial slurs, saying things like “that’s why we need segregation again”, etc.) and he posted it on his main snapchat story instead of his private one (with all his little r#$ist buddies), and accidentally left it up for hours. It was a f#$king s#$tshow and he deserved all of it, in my opinion.
Nexxisvain wrote:
Did your parents do anything about this at all? Was he punished at home? Did he show any remorse at all? NTA regardless. I'm just curious.
I think before I moved my first step would be to make sure my kid understood how vile what they did was, and we'd be looking at ways he could help the community and try to repair the damage, before ultimately deciding if we should leave or not. And it really bothers me when parents don't take initiative to actually hold their kids accountable when they do stuff like this.
OP responded:
Obviously there was a lot of backlash against him from students of color, but he just complained about them being sensitive snowflakes/sjw’s. Our parents made him write apologies to the kids he called s#$rs, but he sure dragged his feet doing it. He tried to get ME to write one for him. So yeah, not a lot of remorse.
His only punishments were getting grounded for two months, having to write those letters, and making him delete social media (he redownloaded them all three weeks later, and they just let him). My parents are pretty indulgent of him.
italy2986 wrote:
Do you still have family in city X? Maybe your family will allow you to go back to stay with them? Normally I wouldn't suggest that but you shouldn't have to sacrifice your future because your brother screwed up.
OP responded:
My aunt lives there, but l've asked and my parents won't let me live with her.
QuitaQuites wrote:
NTA your frustrated and angry. Are there friends or family you can live with during the week? I know you resent your parents, but they're probably doing the best and only thing they know how to, do protect their son.
OP responded:
I know they just want to protect him, but I'm their kid too. And no we don't have family in this city and I can't leave because of quarantine either way.
After receiving lots of feedback, OP shared an update.
Hello. Before I begin, I’d like to thank everyone for how supportive they have been in response to my last post. I’ve gotten a lot of PM’s about helping me with debate, and advice, which is greatly appreciated. I haven’t really gotten a chance to give y’all an update, and you’ll see why.
So as background, my uncle Randy (not real name of course), doesn’t have kids, but he’s dating my aunt Rebecca (technically girlfriend, but it’s been 8 years, so she’s family). They live across the country in City Z, which is a great place, not as nice as City X for debate, but definitely better than City Y. Since they live pretty far away, we only really see them on holidays, the years we spend it with dad’s family.
Randy is very well-off, I don’t know how much he makes exactly, but I’ve stayed at his house & it’s very nice for a place in City Z. And it’s not his only one. He’s very generous, and he has set up college funds for me, Daniel, and Rebecca’s little brother (Ricky). I’d still rather get a scholarship than use Randy’s money, because I don’t want to be a burden.
Ricky is younger than me, so sometimes I tutor him over the phone, we’re pretty close. I also talk to my uncle fairly frequently, we talk about politics together. However, he doesn’t really speak to/like Daniel, because he’s rude to Rebecca. Anyways, I was helping Ricky with his math homework shortly after my original post, when I just started to cry.
I don’t really know what came over me, but I haven’t told anyone about how upset I was before then, because there’s so much else going on in the world. Ricky and I talked, and I found out that my parents actually told the entire family the reason we were moving was because City Y had a better debate circuit & they believed it because no one else does debate.
I hadn’t discussed the move with them, because I bottle my emotions, and they didn’t really ask me about the move because they assumed I wanted it. I ended up talking to my uncle about it, and we had a really great conversation about it. He’s extremely angry at my parents, and Daniel.
This was the second to last straw for him, and he ended up removing half of Daniel’s college fund & split it into me & Ricky’s funds. Daniel was very upset, because he’d been relying on that money and our parents hadn’t saved up. So he threw my phone down the stairs. Then I emailed my uncle from my laptop, and he revoked the rest of Daniel’s college fund too.
My parents are quite angry at me too, because it’s not like they can come up with $200k by the time Daniel goes to college. My uncle has offered for me to come stay with them in City Z, which I have taken him up on. He also generously bought me a new phone, which I’m writing this post with right now.
Edit: I’ve gotten A LOT of messages, and I can’t really answer them all, so I’ll just address the most common questions.
What did your brother do? Posted a r#$ist snapchat rant on his public story instead of private, I don’t want to go too into detail besides that. Is [insert video of racist kid] your brother? Either way, I’m not going to confirm or deny it. However, I’m really impressed at the variety of racist kids vaguely fitting Daniel’s description you guys have managed to find.
Have your parents agreed to you moving in with your uncle? Short answer yes. Long answer — took a lot of pressure from other family members, but they conceded. I’ll be with them on holidays.
And yes, I agree, my uncle is fantastic! I’m a very lucky niece to have him :)
The internet did not hold back one bit.
Iridium_Pumpkin wrote:
Damn, your parents are a real piece of work. How did they not think that this information wouldn't get out? Like you never talk to your extended family?
OP responded:
Yeah, I don't think they really thought it through. The rush of the move forced them to come up with something fast, and I guess they were just hoping l'd calm down & go along with the lie in the future? Idrk tbh.
[Deleted] wrote:
Are you in a safe place? Like your brother won't harm you in anyway? Just break your stuff?
OP responded:
I don't think he would go so far as to physically attack me - and I'm sure my parents would intervene if he did. Also, I was gifted a taser by my friend for Christmas Imao, so if worst comes to worst! Thank you for your concern though.
pobream wrote:
That's amazing, when do you get to move?
OP responded:
Ideally, it'd be before the next school year starts - but it all depends on how quickly the curve is flattened!
pobream responded:
How are your parents treating you right now? And your brother? I'd imagine it's quite tense or awkward right now.
OP responded:
When my brother isn't being passive-aggressive, he's ignoring me. Usually when we make eye contact he'll just walk into a different room and slam the door really loudly or game with his friends & complain about his "b#$ch sister" (our rooms are next to each other).
My parents are upset, they think the whole situation has blown up a lot more than they wanted, especially considering that a lot of the family is upset that they lied. They've calmed down a lot, but occasionally my mom will beg me to convince my uncle to change his mind. So frosty is the term I'd use.