'AITA for snapping at my uncle after he kept calling me a girl because of my hair?'
"AITA for snapping at my uncle after he kept calling me a girl because of my hair?"
I’m 19M and I have long, curly hair. I’ve been growing it out for a few years and I take care of it. I use conditioner, and I have leave ins and curl creams for when I need a little more styling as well. The brand I use has a little silhouette of a woman on it and is technically "for" women.
Last week my girlfriend had a really stressful week, so I cooked her dinner. My parents wouldn't be coming home till late so I set up candles wrote her a card and tried to make it nice with flowers and stuff. As I was setting up my uncle (52) comes into the room. For context, he is bald and divorced, and currently living with us.
He looked around at the candles and said, “This looks like something a girl would set up.” I didn’t really respond, but he followed it with, “You do a lot of girly stuff for a guy.” He then said "With all that girly hair stuff too, your really selling it."
I told him to back off, and he laughed and said, “Relax, don’t be so sensitive.” While I was setting up, he kept making small comments like, “Careful, don’t break a nail,” and, would just randomly talk about the fact I was cooking for her and how girly that was, and I kept telling him he was "real funny" and making it clear I was annoyed.
It started really getting on my nerves and said "why the fuck would I take relationship advice from you your divorced, and you can't talk about my hair when your literally bald."
He got all up in my face got pissed immediately and said that I crossed a line bringing up his divorce and that I was being disrespectful, and we both got in each others faces and he was saying some stuff about not disrespecting him and he eventually left the kitchen.
Later my mom talked to me and said she gets why I was upset, but thinks I should apologize because he’s already embarrassed about his situation and I didn’t need to make it personal, and that she didn't want us to have issues and I'm starting to think maybe I crossed a line and went too deep.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
MarionberryOk2874 wrote:
Oh hell no, do NOT apologize. Unc got what was coming to him. Just tell him to ‘Relax. Don’t be so sensitive.’ How is his divorce more ‘personal’ than anything he said?? You took it for a while and warned him to stop, but he’s the one who obviously crossed a line.
I’m actually proud of you for standing up to him, you obviously did it well or he wouldn’t be so pissed! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 Definitely NTA. ETA: make sure your mom reads these comments! If this is her brother, I bet he bullied her too. She should be defending you, not him.
ejvolkrassalter wrote:
Oh poor guy he's embarrassed about his situation? Well I hope so. Your uncle is a pathetic loser. NTA but I recommend swearing less in future discussions like this, to be taken more seriously - I know it sucks but as a teen you're just kind of shooting yourself in the foot, unfortunately.
HeyWV132 wrote:
Double down. Start calling him Uncle Baldy the Divorcée Freeloader. Ask when he plans to get a life, when will he start being a real man, and when will he become a role model for you to emulate his character and success in life. Kidding. That would be petty as fuck (but fun to think about). However, that AH doesn’t deserve your respect or an apology until he learns to offer the same.
JBB200292 wrote:
Well I can see why he’s divorced! NTA. Sounds like you did something amazing for your gf, and I’m sure she really appreciates and loves that side of you. Heck, anybody would love for their partner to be that thoughtful - man or woman.
As for the hair, my boys love having long hair too - 6 year old says it’s his superpower and that he looks like Thor. Your uncle sucks, and is clearly just projecting and lashing out for how crappy his life is. No apology needed - he started it, and “it” was taking an issue with you being a better man that he ever could be.
wanderingstorm wrote:
NTA. Being a "girl" or doing traditionally "girly" things is not an insult. Being a good partner to your girlfriend is not an insult. You don't owe him an apology for your comments until he is ready to apologize for his comments (and even then it's debatable). I doubt he's going to so I wouldn't worry much about making the first move on that front.
bizianka wrote:
Your uncle is jealous that you are young, handsome, have a gf and have your whole life ahead. While here is he, all alone living at somebody else's house. But with his attitude using "like as a girl" as an insult, I am not surprised he is divorced. Your mother should talk to him about respect, not to you. NTA.
MizWhatsit wrote:
Do a Google search on "reactive mistreatment." That's when an antagonist does their absolute best to provoke another person over a long period of time, and then when their target gets angry, pushes back, and retaliates, the antagonist gets all upset and plays the victim.
Uncle AH was trying to get a rise out of you, and once he did, he turned into a whiny little AH and tattled to your mother. I would have nothing but contempt for this guy in your position. NTA.