'AITA for sneaking out and causing my sister to lose her job?'
"AITA for sneaking out and causing my sister to lose her job?"
My sister is 33 (female), and I’m 14 (female). She had a baby three months ago. I just got out of school for the summer and really wanted to rest, but my sister decided she wants to finally get a job.
Now she’s making me babysit my niece. I have zero experience with babies, and I get overstimulated easily. It’s been really hard for me. I asked her if she could put the baby in daycare or something, but she refused. I decided to just suck it up, but it’s been exhausting.
I have insomnia, and it’s hard to sleep when I feel like I need to be awake 24/7 to watch the baby. I’m constantly scared something might happen if I fall asleep. I told my mom how I felt, but she said I’d just have to deal with it. Both my parents work, so I’m left alone with the baby for hours almost every day.
A few days ago, I got tired of everything. The night before my sister got ready for work, I snuck out and went to my friend’s house so I wouldn’t have to deal with it and could finally get some sleep.
When I came home that morning after I saw all the missed calls and messages and my mom and sister were really mad at me. They said I was being selfish and lazy. My sister even quit her job because I told her I’d leave again if she kept making me babysit.
I definitely felt bad after It feels like my whole family is barely talking to me except for my dad and even he said I shouldn’t have done that. (Also I love my niece this isn’t hate to her she is adorbs!)
(A little edit for more info- I see my dad being brought up a bit but he works in different places with steel work so he’s very rarely home but we do call often, my nieces father doesn’t want anything to do with her or my sister it’s been that way since she was pregnant anyway so she left him and moved back in with us.
She had a job before but quit to take care of the baby when she was a newborn and up until now of course. Also her and my mom work at the same place so they’re both night shift jobs and they’re tired when they come home from working.
So, I usually have to watch my niece a bit longer so they can rest when they get home since they expect me to sleep while I’m babysitting but I just can’t I’m so paranoid something could happen.
Even when I’m feeding the baby and she coughs even a little or if she’s sleeping too hard I panic. And honestly I didn’t even know daycare wasn’t free until I read these comments I thought maybe it was like public school sorry.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
You're NTA, you did what you did out of desperation. Sit down with your mom and dad and say calmly, "Sister is 33, she chose to have a child, and that means it is her responsibility to figure out childcare instead of trying to steal my childhood from me.
You are being irresponsible parents by allowing her to abuse me in this way. I will not be babysitting again, and if I'm left alone with the child again, I will call the police and report child abandonment."
Absolutely. It sucks that a child has to be their own advocate, but that’s a perfect response all around.
The parents are the ones being abusive. Why would they let their 14 year old have to watch a baby 24/7 and why are they so clueless how hard it is for OP?
They are clueless because it is easier on them to demand something from the 14 year old rather than to insist that the 33 year old actually parent their child.
NTA. If you didn’t make the baby, the baby isn’t your responsibility. Your sister made the baby, caring for the baby is her responsibility, and it’s her responsibility to make sure substitute caregivers are willing to provide that care and are fairly compensated. What was her plan when school starts again? Make you drop out? Your parents are also AH because they should have never allowed this to happen.
100% NTA. To expect a 14 year to be the sole care provider for an infant is insane. Was she paying you? If not, then you are not obligated to take care of her child. She is the mother, she is the one who needs to figure it out. Girl, go enjoy your summer!
NTA. Even without getting into the issue of a 14-year-old being expected to babysit an infant full time, unpaid, the fact that you have insomnia makes you a dangerous choice to care for the baby.
You're right to worry about what could happen if you unintentionally fall asleep when you're the only one home with the baby. I bet if your mom or sister got home and found you asleep, with the baby crying or in an unsafe place, they'd be even madder about that.
NTA. You’re a child. Your niece is not your responsibility. You didn’t agree to babysit. It’s causing you health problems. Your sister’s child is your sister and the father’s responsibility.
NTA. This shouldn't have been your responsibility, and you clearly communicated that you couldn't bear it. It would have been better if you had let people know that you bailed out, instead of sneaking out and keeping them in the dark, but even that responsibility cannot be placed on a 14 year old.
Wow, I mean, while I think it was not great for you to have done it this way, it seems like you had little choice. All the adults around you are failing you - and your niece. A 14-year-old with no babysitting experience should not be alone with an infant for hours at a time.
It was also incredibly inappropriate for your sister to decide she wants to get a job now...make no mistakes, she was waiting for you to be out of school to take a job so that she could make you babysit, which was wildly inappropriate for her to do on many levels, including being incredibly disrespectful of you.
Your comments about feeling like you can't sleep and needing to be awake 24/7 are especially alarming, was she expecting around-the-clock care? Honestly if she has quit her job, that's the only proper outcome here because she did not have child care!
You are not being selfish and lazy, and it saddens me that this is the message coming from the adults in your life. I hope it gets better for you; you seem like you're mistreated and taken for granted in that house.