I (27F) don't drink alcohol. It's a personal decision, I don't mind if other people drink around me, as long as they respect my desire not to and don't get pushy.
I regularly host parties and small gatherings with friends, and I usually serve a variety of food and non alcoholic beverages, usually beverages that I would drink if there were any left over), and I'm fine with people bringing their own alcohol if they want to drink, and it's never been an issue before, most of my friends know I don't drink, and my parties are usually a success either way.
This year I hosted a Halloween party, and I invited friends, and a couple coworkers that were cool but I wasn't super close friends with yet, and a few friends brought over their friends as well. As usual, I didn't serve alcohol. Things were going fine, and then my coworkers showed up, a few of them clearly already slightly buzzed.
My best friend Kev, who knows I don't drink, and had sometimes brought his own alcohol to my place in the past, starts chatting with my coworkers, and then after while, loudly starts talking about wanting a drink, and offers to go to the convenience store down the block to buy some alcohol. People were excited about this, so Kev left, got some booze, and came back.
After the party before he left, Kev pulled me aside, and gave me a lecture. He told me that he respected my decision not to drink, but that if I was throwing a party for anyone outside of my close friends, alcohol was an expectation, and that I was going to disappoint a lot of people, or be seen as misleading if there wasn't alcohol.
He insisted that next time, I should at least warn people that I wasn't serving alcohol, in case that was a dealbreaker or they wanted to bring their own, but that really, I should just suck it up and serve alcohol at my parties in the future.
He also insisted that he'd "saved" my party by going out and buying booze, and asked if I would chip in for the cost of the alcohol he'd bought. I was shocked, and refused, but today Kev sent me a venmo request for it anyway, and reminded me that I owed him for it (his venmo request was for $75).
I was shocked and hadn't realized it was such a big deal. AITA for not serving alcohol and for not warning people about this in advance?
You sent out Halloween party invites and didn't mention it was BYOB? You're not a total ahole but use some common sense. NTA, but come on.
Honestly, as a heavy drinker NTA. Who goes to someone's home for a party empty handed? I always bring a bottle of vodka that I like and a mixer with me to a party. Even if it's a party my sibling is hosting for friends.
If it's my siblings party I'm taking my bottle home with me if it's a friend or an acquaintance I leave the bottle there. I've never shown up to a party without an entire bottle of vodka and mixer. You're already providing the food, I'm bring what I want to drink and sharing with others.
If it's just a family gathering, I'm just bringing my flask (I'm the only one who drinks vodka) plus it's my family lol.
Soft YTA. I fully support your choosing not to serve alcohol at your parties but it is something you should let people know beforehand, particularly for a holiday party such as Halloween, so they can plan accordingly. However, I don’t think you should have to pay for the alcohol since you don’t partake. Your friend could have asked everyone to chip in.
ESH- Its traditional to announce byob if you're hosting and are willing to allow alcohol but not serve. So that's on you. But Kev is also the AH for just expecting you to throw down cash.
He volunteered, he could have passed the hat around at the party. Or asked if you would pitch in before going to the store. But no. He went off on his own. So that's on him.
$75 is a lot. I'm not sure how hard this party was, but if that's half what he spent. You guys must have had a rager! That's like 6 fifths of liquor or 5 nice 12packs and a bottle. Or maybe just a few bottles of nice stuff. But Kev doesn't strike me as a guy that buys the nice stuff. At any rate, its a lot of booze.
Nta, don't venmo this loser who doesn't respect you. Your house your rules, if people want to leave (which no one did) because of lack of drinks, that's their problem.
Nta. If they need booze to have fun, then it's on them to ask if there is any there. He chose to buy it, so the cost of it is on him, and maybe anyone that he bought it for.
NTA. I enjoy a glass or two of red wine, and I love a Scotch nightcap. But if I’m going to your house and you don’t have alcohol? I bring a 2 litre bottle of Fanta and drink that or water. Anyone who actually needs alcohol has a problem. Kev is a jerk, and no friend.