'AITA for insisting my son be invited to my daughter’s wedding despite his past behavior?' UPDATED

"AITA for insisting my son be invited to my daughter’s wedding?"

So I (56F) am in a bit of a dilemma, my daughter (26F) is getting married this summer and my son (28M) was not invited. they have never really got along and recently they had a big disagreement.

My daughter had an engagement party and my son got a bit drunk and got handsy with some of my daughters friends which they didn't like and my daughter was furious at him.

She kicked him out and I only found this out after the party was over. flash forward to now my son got a message from my daughter uninviting him to her wedding because of his behaviour toward her friends. he was so upset and called me to tell me what she had said.

to be honest i think its a shame that she feels so angry about it but i rang my daughter up and told her i will not be attending the wedding if my son can't come. i felt as though that what he did wasn't worthy of ruining family relationships as him not being invited to her wedding is a huge deal. he's always been a bit temperamental and he gets carried away with things but he means well.

my daughters called me and shouted at me saying that i was enabling his horrible behaviour and even my fiancee's mother called me to express her frustration with my decision. but i really don't think im in the wrong here? if the friends don't feel comfortable shouldn't they be uninvited instead of her own brother? so AITA for insisting my son be invited to my daughter’s wedding?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

SilvertouchAppledust said:

There's no question here of who your favorite child is. You going bail your son out of jail when he gets arrested for "getting carried away"? YTA

Rredhead926 said:

Your son assaulted your daughter's friends and you're upset with her???? YTA.

1568314 said:

You created a literal monster. Your son "got handsy" people and then cried to his mommy about how unfair it is that people no longer want him around. Gross. YTA

She later shared this update:

wow. hi, i don’t think i’ve ever been slated more in my life. but i see why. some comments really put things into perspective for me. thank you to the ones who were gentle with me. genuinely appreciate it. but anyway… a little explanation i suppose. where im from we don’t have an active feminist community at all.

i wont get into too large of details of my own life as it doesn’t justify what went down but essentially i suppose now i have realised that i was groped by my grandfather for a majority of my childhood and i was always dismissive of that behaviour and i suppose that is why i was so lenient with my son’s behaviour.

it pains me to see so many people saying the things that have been playing in my mind for years. i had hoped i hadn’t completely failed as a parent but i guess i have. i think im going to contact the girls and apologise for my son’s behaviour and apologise to my daughter.

i mostly feel guilty for making this process stressful for her. we’ve always had a great relationship and i hope this doesn’t break it. i think i will be getting my son into counseling and me into therapy as we evidently have serious character flaws. i am not a bad person and im sorry if you believe that i am. thank you for your attention.