'AITA? Our son moved out but is telling everyone we kicked him out.' UPDATED
"AITA? Our son moved out but is telling everyone we kicked him out."
Son (20M) isn’t in college. We told him the fall after high school that we would “charge him rent” of $500/mo. That money would be put into a savings account for him, and then when he was ready to move out he would have a nice nest egg to start adulting with.
Last summer I left him my credit card “for emergencies” while we went away on vacation. He spent $3k on clothes, food, etc while we were gone. Obviously none of the purchases were an emergency. And no, he didn’t have permission.
We told him he needed to pay us back. He didn’t. He also barely ever paid the $500/mo “rent”. This April we told him he had three months to pay us back half of the money he stole (so $1500) or he had to move out.
May comes, he pays nothing. June comes, he pays nothing. I said “are you looking for a new apartment? Because your deadline to pay us back is 1 month away”. He started screaming that he was moving out.
The next morning he and his gf (she was basically living here too) left without a word and haven’t been back since (this was July). He stopped by one time to pick up some clothes and his PlayStation and he didn’t speak to us while here.
We are still paying his cell phone bill. We stopped paying his car insurance after he moved out. He barely responds to text messages from me or his dad. I found out he is telling everyone that we kicked him out? I honestly didn’t think we were being very strict. But the fact that he basically won’t talk to us now, clearly means he thinks we were AH? Were we?!
Update: He has a job, and has since he was 16 (part-time). He doesn’t stay in jobs long, 3mo - 1 year is typical for him. He makes $15-$22/hr at his jobs. He has only worked full time for a few months, he was regularly working 25-35 hours per week since high school finished.
We have a family cell phone plan, it would actually cost me more money to cancel his phone than to just keep paying. Plus, he can’t even get job interviews without a phone.
We live in a state that doesn’t require auto insurance, so he will not be fined if he doesn’t provide his own. I signed the car over to him when he left, so my name is no longer on the car. He regularly smokes marijuana, but he doesn’t use other drugs.
The vacation was a cruise, so often we did not have cell phone reception. I left the credit card for emergencies with the example of “if the water heater explodes, use this to pay the plumber”.
I also left $100 in cash to be used if food ran out (but also had groceries delivered while we were away). I can accept that I did, in fact, kick him out. And that we have enabled him to behave this way. Thanks for everyone’s replies!
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Stop paying the phone too.
This. Stop enabling him. If he wants to spin the narrative that he’s some poor victim, let him. Whatever couch he ends up on, the person will see his character soon enough.
NTA. With a kid like this, it had to happen sooner or later. Better sooner. Stop paying his cell phone bill next.
Why on earth are you still paying the phone bill!? I don’t know the dynamic but I can tell you he’d be missing a lot of things if somebody stole $3,000 from me. I’m rich by no means and I’d be on Facebook Marketplace with everythiiiiiiing.
This kid clearly doesn’t care about you and/or working and has already proven to not be trusted. He’s 20!? Then who cares about what he says. A 20-year-old complaining about getting kicked out of their parents home is wild 😂.
NTA. Change the locks. Stop paying his phone bill. He stole a lot of money from you didn't bother trying to pay it back. Let him take that attitude elsewhere.
NTA, you didn't kick him out, he left on his own and then returned to retrieve more items. You should change the locks if you haven't done so already. He stole $3K without paying it back, what's to stop him from pawning some of your stuff the next time?
Also, in case you didn't already, report that credit card as misplaced (lost/stolen) so that you're issued a new credit card number. That way he can't use that number again if he had it saved somewhere.
NTA. Stop paying the phone bill. And if anyone accuses you - tell them about abusing your credit card. Not paying rent. Having his gf live with him and no payment. We said pay or get out, so he left. Boy apparently needs to learn the hard way.
Sometimes, you have to be cruel to be kind. He seems to have an unhealthy dose of self entitlement that will not do anyone any good. Especially not him in the long term. You can't stop what he says to people. People who know you will understand what has happened. The people who don't know you. Their opinions are secondary to teaching your son a life lesson.
If I had spent $3K of my parents emergency money on frivolous nonsense, I wouldn’t be on this earth anymore. Let alone, allowed to continue to live with my parents and have them pay for my lifestyle anymore.
You have taught him he is entitled to these things. I get that it’s tough out there but my parents have always lived by the as long as you are working hard we don’t mind helping. Your son stole from you and expects everything from you. Stop. Do better. It’s going to cause some growing pains now cause you failed to do it before.