'AITA for refusing the claim my dad's GF had on his estate after he passed?'
"AITA for refusing the claim my dad's GF had on his estate after he passed?"
My dad died a few years back, and me (25m at the time) and his girlfriend (55f) had a falling out over the inheritance.
His written will was clear in that I was to be the sole beneficiary, meaning I was to inherit a fair bit of money, stocks, a car, his company (his one-man firm), his share of two apartments, all in all totaling about 1.2 million euros, (it equals to about the same in USD).
Included in that sum was his half of his and his gf's apartment valued in total at around 4-500k. The apt had a total of 50k in loans on it, and they had equal share of both the ownership and loans on the apt.
My dad's gf demanded that I should gift her his share of their apt (value of 2-250k minus his share of the loan). She claimed that they had a deal that if one of them passed, the other should inherit the entirety of the apt.
There was no written account of this claim/deal anywhere, and the will itself contradicted her. I felt the claim was weird because my dad always had everything financial etc. meticulously documented.
So I ended up refusing her request. I felt it to be too much money to 'give' away. I reasoned that I'd want that money for my family, and that if I where to have kids I'd want to secure their future. I'd also want financial security for myself and my family right then (my mom still lives and I have two younger half-sisters that have a different father).
Her financial situation back then was that she used to work as a teacher, but was looking for a different job when my dad passed. She has two sisters about the same age as her with families of their own, and both her parents where still alive back then. Her parents where fairly well of with her dad having been a doctor.
She also owned a car, and a share of their family's summerhouse together with her siblings and parents. I'm not sure how much savings she had other than her part of the apt. and summerhouse.
I at the time was still studying at university, but I did have an apt worth around 160k that I'd bought 50/50 with my dad, loans totaling 50k. I also had about 15k in savings that my dad had put away when I was a child.
It all ended with her buying my dads share of their apt from me for a lower-than-market-value at 170k (which I felt was fair) and she took over my dad's 25k-part of the loan.
She was very mad about this and felt cheated that I didn't gift this to her and she also said a bunch of horrible things about my dad and said that he had lied to her about their "deal" and so on.
My reason for doing what I did was that she wasn't exactly gonna end up on the street because she had things like an inheritance to come, her share of the apt and summerhouse etc.
But also the fact that she had all large life-expenses (home, summerhouse, car, family) behind her while I had all of those things still to come. Was I greedy that didn't give her what she wanted?
Here's what top commenters had to say:
Electronic_Fox_6383 said:
Were you greedy for selling something worth 2-250k for 170k? Obviously not. As there was a will and she wasn't in it, she had no claim on it. NTA.
celticmusebooks said:
NTA but your dad was a class A Ahole. Your dad's GF is the poster child of why you should never buy property with someone you're not married to UNLESS you have a written agreement about what will happen to the property when one partner dies. Sounds like he lied to her about her security and didn't provide what he said he would.
Mathorium said:
YTA. They have been together for 12 years. That woman was not just his girlfriend but a life partner. I wonder how old was the will?
Anyway, her life partner passed away and she is suddenly left with a debt of 200 k she needs to cover soon if she wants to stay in her apartment. How can you be so blind and with zero empathy for a person your father choose as a partner?
You’re refusing to admit - he didn’t think of updating his Will. He didn’t expect to pass. I’m guessing he drew up his Will right after he divorced your mom and simply neglected to update it.
You’re taking advantage of his oversight and you know it. There is zero chance he didn’t want to provide his partner of that many years with any financial support whatsoever. Zero chance.
No matter how you try to spin the “technicalities” of this, you’re a greedy opportunistic AH. There’s legally acceptable and morally acceptable. You chose to focus only on the legality and didn’t give AF about doing the right thing morally because you didn’t like her and you wanted all the money for yourself to control. Your dad would be horrified.
Technician_Spare OP responded:
If he intended to update his will I will never know. The will was written when he was together with his exgf of years past, not my mom.
The right thing morally is difficult. If she lied about their 'deal' I wouldn't feel sorry about her missing out at all. But if it's true then yes, it's f&^^%d morally.
But since neither he nor she has left anything to show what was agreed upon it's up to me. If they had a deal I'm being a d^%k, but if they didn't and she's just being opportunistic then I'm the fool if I give in. Can't really win.
All I know is that my father wouldn't have inherited her share since she didn't have a will. Should I have been the bigger man and given her his share anyway in your mind?
KLB_40 replied:
Yes. Yes you should have. They had a good relationship and you know your dad would have wanted her to keep the apartment they bought together and made a home in together. He chose that woman and that home with her. You just don’t like her because YOU didn’t choose for her to be in YOUR life.
Again, you’re using legal technicalities to convince yourself that she is opportunistic in order to assuage your own guilt because you know what you did was effed up. Your dad would not have made a life and a home with an opportunistic woman for that long. Neither one of them prepared properly for end of life and you’re happy to take advantage of that.