Son refuses to claim late father's girlfriend on his estate, 'it's too much money to give away.' AITA?
"AITA for refusing the claim my dad's gf had on his estate after he passed?"
My dad died a few years back, and me (25m at the time) and his girlfriend (55f) had a falling out over the inheritance. His written will was clear in that I was to be the sole benificiary, meaning I was to inherit a fair bit of money, stocks, a car, his company (his oneman firm), his share of two apartments, all in all totalling about 1.2 million euros, (it equals to about the same in USD).
Included in that sum was his half of his and his gf's apartment valued in total at around 4-500k. The apt had a total of 50k in loans on it, and they had equal share of both the ownership and loans on the apt.
My dad's gf demanded that I should gift her his share of their apt (value of 2-250k minus his share of the loan). She claimed that they had a deal that if one of them passed, the other should inherit the entirety of the apt.
There was no written account of this claim/deal anywhere, and the will itself contradicted her. I felt the claim was weird because my dad always had everything financial etc. meticulously documented.
So I ended up refusing her request. I felt it to be too much money to 'give' away. I reasoned that I'd want that money for my family, and that if I where to have kids I'd want to secure their future. I'd also want financial security for myself and my family right then (my mom still lives and I have two younger halfsisters that have a different father).
Her financial situation back then was that she used to work as a teacher, but was looking for a different job when my dad passed. She has two sisters about the same age as her with families of their own, and both her parents where still alive back then. Her parents where fairly well of with her dad having been a doctor.
She also owned a car, and a share of their family's summerhouse together with her siblings and parents. I'm not sure how much savings she had other than her part of the apt. and summerhouse.
I at the time was still studying at university, but I did have an apt worth around 160k that I'd bought 50/50 with my dad, loans totalling 50k. I also had about 15k in savings that my dad had put away when I was a child.
It all ended with her buying my dads share of their apt from me for a lower-than-market-value at 170k (which I felt was fair) and she took over my dad's 25k-part of the loan. She was very mad about this and felt cheated that I didn't gift this to her and she also said a bunch of horrible things about my dad and said that he had lied to her about their "deal" and so on.
My reason for doing what I did was that she wasn't exactly gonna end up on the street because she had things like an inheritance to come, her share of the apt and summerhouse etc.
But also the fact that she had all large life-expenses (home, summerhouse, car, family) behind her while I had all of those things still to come. Was I greedy that didn't give her what she wanted?
Here's what top commenters had to say:
Electronic_Fox_6383 said:
Were you greedy for selling something worth 2-250k for 170k? Obviously not. As there was a will and she wasn't in it, she had no claim on it. NTA.
super_chillito said:
Legally, NTA. You were well within your legal rights as the stated sole beneficiary to claim your dad’s half of the apartment and do what you wish with it.
Morally, you kinda suck. I get that we don’t know all the facts, such as how your relationship with the girlfriend was and what your dads true wishes were. But still…. It’s kinda crappy that she was with this man 12 years, purchased a home together with him, lived life with him, paying bills, making repairs, doing upkeep and pouring love into her home, only to lose her partner (and his income contributions to the household) & then have to buy out half of her own apartment.
I hope this is a good warning for others that even if your name is on the loan/deed, it doesn’t make you the de facto owner in this type of situation. Always protect yourself with legally drawn up documents. Don’t hang your future on the thin wires of promises, in the end words are only words and you can’t live in them.
celticmusebooks said:
NTA but your dad was a class A Ahole. Your dad's GF is the poster child of why you should never buy property with someone you're not married to UNLESS you have a written agreement about what will happen to the property when one partner dies. Sounds like he lied to her about her security and didn't provide what he said he would.
Mathorium said:
YTA. They have been together for 12 years. That woman was not just his girlfriend but a life partner. I wonder how old was the will? Anyway, her life partner passed away and she is suddenly left with a debt of 200 k she needs to cover soon if she wants to stay in her apartment. How can you be so blind and with zero empathy for a person your father choose as a partner?
KLB_40 said:
YTA. You are using the technicality that they weren’t married in order to take everything from her. I’m guessing, since you haven’t answered the many people who have asked, that the Will was drawn up prior to his relationship with her, or prior to it getting serious.
And he probably did not anticipate passing when he did, so he did not have time to get a new Will drawn up to include her. He was in a relationship for 12 years with her. I’m certain he would have wanted her to have some of his assets so she did not struggle after his death.
You talk about using that money to take care of your siblings, which are not even your dad’s children. It’s beyond gross that you feel they deserve to benefit from his assets, but not his long-term partner. Karma is gonna get ya.