Football coach forces teen to gain 40+ pounds for 'team performance,' mom fears for his health and confidence. AITA?
"AITA for confronting stubborn hubby, son, when son's (16M) football coach literally fattening him up?"
Hi everyone, so here this goes LOL ---basically , my son’s football coach told him he needed to gain 40 pounds to “bulk up” for his position. He gave my son a whole list of rules, like eating fast food, cutting back on cardio, and drinking all this Boost stuff.
I confronted the coach because I was worried about my son’s health, and my husband and son both acted like I was the bad guy for even saying anything. Well, now we’re a few months down the road.
My son didn’t just hit the coach’s goal weight—he went past it. And it’s not all muscle, either. You can see the weight in his face and everywhere else. He’s started getting winded doing normal things, like carrying laundry up the stairs or even walking the dog. It’s honestly hard to watch.
The eating has gotten out of control. He’s always hungry. Fast food is a regular thing now, and he drinks soda like it’s water. I try to encourage healthier eating, but he’s all about the high-calorie stuff the coach told him to eat.
My husband just shrugs and says, “He’s a growing boy,” but this isn’t normal. I know it isn’t. He’s eating way more than he needs to. What really gets me is that he doesn’t even seem happy.
He’s slower on the field and has lost a lot of his energy. I heard him complain to my husband about feeling sluggish, but my husband just told him it’s “part of bulking up” and that it’ll all pay off.
Meanwhile, I have a feeling his self confidence is taking a hit. As for the coach, the meeting I had with him was useless. He basically brushed me off and said this is “normal” for football players.
He promised they have a plan to help the boys lose the weight after the season, but that just feels wrong to me. Gaining and losing weight this fast can’t be good for a teenager. I tried to explain that, but he wasn’t interested in hearing it. I feel so stuck. My husband is totally on board with the coach and keeps saying I “don’t understand football.” My son has bought into it too, even though he’s clearly not happy.
Even some of the other parents I’ve talked to think this is just how it is for football players. But I can’t shake the feeling that this isn’t okay. I’m worried about his health—his body, his confidence, all of it.
AITA for inserting myself right smack in the middle of this or am I right to keep fighting it? I'm not sure what the best tactics even are at this point. I just want my son to be healthy and happy, and I feel like I’m failing him right now.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Has anyone considered the radical notion of speaking to a doctor? You're not a doctor. The coach isn't a doctor. You husband isn't a doctor. Instead of making random guesses and plans about this kid's health, speak with someone who actually knows what they're talking about.
As a doctor. This is seriously not good for this kid and will very likely lead to long-term issues with food, obesity and all the other health issues that go with it. The coach and dad are ducking idiots.
You sound like you already know you're right. Hubby and Coach just don't care about the damage being done because "football" and "the young recover." NTA.
The best thing for your son would probably be to take him to his dr to get checked out and discuss the weight along with the problems it’s causing. Your son’s father is more likely to listen to a doctor than what he assumes is an overprotective mother.
You need to fix this at once. My son is overweight, you can't imagine how hard it has been. The sluggishness is because your son is filling himself with empty calories, not nutrients. Put your foot down. Is he going to go pro? If he is, he needs to be in good shape, not fat. If he's not, why is he hurting his health? Your husband shouldn't be supporting this. Really, stop him now.
Im pretty sure that professional football players, even linebackers, arent eating fast food and skipping cardio and just getting fat. You can bulk up and gain 40 pounds without just "fattening up".
This is actually quite disturbing that this coach (who I assume has no background in nutrition and child health) can push these kids to gain so much weight and eat so much junk food. And then have them lose all this weight later. Besides taking him to a doctor, what does the school principal and superintendent say about this?
I wonder how many other players he’s encouraging to develop eating disorders… maybe it’s just because I was raised on Lifetime movies and after school specials, and have had to deal with weight and food issues MY whole life, but the coach seems dangerous to me, and your husband seems flippant about your son’s health.
The young do recover some of the time. The rest of the time, they live the rest of their lives dealing with the fall out- bad knees, bad backs, arthritis, anxiety disorders, etc. Over what is literally just a game.
If they are trying to just "bulk him up" and didn't care if he's slowing down, id worry they are using him as a battering ram and making him take harder and harder hits. Maybe talk to your/his Dr about your concerns and based on their advice, take these issues to those higher and higher up. This is like a cheerleading coach suggesting really sketchy food habits to get your daughter thinner. NTA.