'WIBTA if I told my son's school it's their responsibility to make sure they have the right child?'
"WIBTA if I told my son's school it's their responsibility to make sure they have the right child?"
I have twin sons (aged 11) who are not identical, but who do look similar-their older sister looks pretty similar to them too.
"James" is taller and slightly more slender in the face. "Ben" is more freckle-y and is noticeably paler. They have the same eye and hair colour, but James has longer hair, and his is more wavy than Ben's. James tends to be very neat and tidy while Ben is, somehow, always covered in ink and/or paint.
In school, they are in uniform so are dressed identically. Classes are split by ability but their scores are close enough to each other that they are in the same groups for everything though they have different friendship groups and different hobbies.
Both go to Chess Club though that is the only club/sport they have in common and most of the time, they don't interact much in school and each does their own thing. They have, however, when asked, told me they do sometimes get called the wrong name still even though they have been there since September.
Both boys have permission to take medication in school due to seasonal allergies and eczema-antihistamines and eczema cream is stored in school for the boys to access as and when needed.
They use different medication and creams which is personal preference - one has liquid and one has tablets and they use different creams as they find different ones helpful. I have sent in the permission slips and meds and left it at that.
I got an email over the holiday regarding the medication. It states the instances of the boys being mixed up are "not reducing" as they look so similar and the Medical Officer (secondary schools in the UK do not have a school nurse) is concerned the wrong child will be given the wrong medication. As such, she has asked me to ensure the boys are "easy to distinguish" going forwards.
My initial reaction is absolutely not. It is up to the person administering the medication to ensure they are giving it to the right person and that can easily be done by asking the child what his name is. They are 11 years old, they are more than capable of giving the right name and have no interest at all in swapping places for the sake of getting each other's meds.
I do understand the concern in terms of making sure the right medication is given to the right child, but the responsibility for that lies solely with the school while they are in the care of the school, and I will not be sending them back after the holiday looking in any way "easy to distinguish."
WIBTA if I told the school it was their responsibility to make sure they have the right child, not mine?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
excitablegibben
I vote Ben gets a purple mohawk to help identify him. But some people call me unnecessarily petty.
OP (Top-Relationship359)
If he was allowed as per school rules (and it was pink) then he'd do it! He's absolutely my wild child!
Overqualified_muppet
Mother of twins here (and twin researcher). If your twins are sufficiently similar that people often mix them up, they are probably part of the 40% of same-sex twins who are identical, but had separate placentas. Many people interested in multiple birth genetics argue that ALL same-sex twins should be tested to find out what type of twins they are.
Doctors, nurses and midwives are often wrong when they advise pregnant women that “2 placentas = Fraternal”. This is not always true-identical twins can EITHER share a placenta (2/3 of them), OR have separate placentas (1/3 of them) (it just depends on when in development the embryo split in two)
OP (Top-Relationship359)
The dudes aren't identical, they were tested as toddlers because I was curious when family mixed them up (DCDA twins.) I did sometimes get called my sisters name at school and she was the year above me, I guess we just clone ourselves!
Minimum_Definition75
I can understand the school's concerns around this. The legal and professional consequences could be severe if they get it wrong. It’s not just about your kids, it’s about having procedures in place for ALL kids, and others might not be as responsible as yours.
Ask to see their procedures for identifying kids. It’s possible they use IT systems with photos. Even if they are redone every year it only takes a haircut for things to change. Complaining about something they are asking to keep your kids safe seems unreasonable.
disappointedvet
NTA. This sounds like a case of someone being too lazy and not caring enough to pay attention. They are probably indifferent. Instead of recognizing that they should do better, even by taking the simple step of actually speaking with a child, they are deflecting blame. Do not force your kids to change due to their laziness.
I'd hold off on being overly blunt, but as you mentioned, you should recommend that they confirm which child they're speaking with by asking them their name.
Miaotastic
But if you find them unreasonable, why not just answer politely with "sure, boy 1 will have long hair and boy 2 short hair" (or other features they already have)
unsafeideas
Since it is school who insist on uniforms, what do they think you are supposed to do? It is not like the kids were allowed to have own clothing style.
JBB2002902
NTA. Surely step 1 of administering any medication is checking the kid’s name?
Very_Human_42069
They can’t just, idk, ask the child what their name is when they go to get medicine? Like? How is this real lmao
OldGeekWeirdo
Not sure how it works in the UK, but here in the states, any time I go to a doctor or pick up a prescription, at least one medical professional will verify I'm the right person. They ask for my name and date of birth. It's part of standard procedure. I sometimes have to do this more than once on a single visit as I'm passed off from one professional to another.
Obviously the boys will have the same birthdate, but anyone dispensing medicine should verify the name. If your experience in the doctor's office is like I describe, then I'd be asking the school why they aren't following standard operating procedure.
No-Proof7839
Something doesn't sound right...down right fishy