Soon-to-be dad refuses to comfort in-laws after they were disappointed by gender reveal results. AITA?
"AITA for not comforting my in-laws?"
My wife (29F) and I (30M) held a gender reveal for our first child yesterday. It was my wife's idea since her, her parents and a few other people wanted to know the gender. I don't really care what gender it is as long as it's healthy.
My MIL and FIL wanted it to be a boy because they always wanted a son but had two daughters instead, my wife also wanted it to be a boy but only because of her parents, she didn't really care much either way.
It was a very small gathering with just a few friends and close family members. After it was revealed that the baby is a girl my MIL walked away and got very upset and my FIL looked disappointed. After around ten minutes I went into the garden to see my MIL crying I asked her what's wrong and she said that she really wanted a grandson.
I told her that I'm sorry she's disappointed but it doesn't really matter that much and she got really annoyed at me at this point my FIL had joined us and heard what I said to her.
He told me I should be sad too since I won't be able to teach the baby about cars (I'm a mechanic and I joked a few times about getting the baby to follow in my footsteps) I told him that she might be interested in cars when she's older so I don't really understand how that's relevant.
They were saying a bunch of things about what they can't do now because she's a girl, like taking her to sport games and teaching her about sports. They said that I'll be missing out on giving a son "the talk," and girls don't really care that much about that. ut what if the baby likes girls? So their argument is pretty weak.
They said a few other things about why they wanted her to be a boy but I just walked away and went back inside. My MIL and FIL explained the whole argument with my wife and she got really pissed at me.
She said that I should've comforted them and had at least a bit of sympathy. I just don't understand why the gender is such a big deal. Shouldn't they just be happy they're getting a grandchild? AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
TheDuh345 said:
She won’t like cars or sports? I’m a flaming cis girl and love Nascar, rugby, baseball, even collegiate bowling on the Ocho. Your in-laws are nutter-butters about gender.
11SkiHill said:
Toxic misogynistic family. Make it crystal clear you never want any of this kind of gender bias spoken of around your children. In laws need to grow up. Set your wife straight too. Ridiculous.
anbon24 said:
NTA at all. Fun fact I have two boys and a girl. One of my sons acts and does art. My daughter plays football with BOYS and rocks at soccer. She is also her dad's best friend. Neither boy wants anything to do with sports.
It's fair to hope for a certain gender, sure. But not fair of them to expect you to comfort them or show any kind of compassion when they are upset that your baby is a girl. That's insulting.
extinct_diplodocus said:
NTA. Comforted them for what? It's a baby, and it's yours and their daughters. They should be delighted. If they wanted a boy, they should at most be slightly disappointed.
They're instead assigning gender roles and moaning because "girls can't do X, girls can't do Y", etc. They don't deserve comfort or sympathy for placing imaginary limits on your daughter. This implies they did the same to your wife.
YourLittleRuth said:
It doesn't sound as though there are any intelligent reasons for them preferring the boy they're not going to get, so you won't be able to logic them out of their position. Just ignore the whole thing.
They'll fall in love with the new grandbaby, or they won't. Your own attitude is exactly as it should be, so I wish you and your wife all the best with your new tiny person.
I think it's beyond rude to go to a gender reveal when you *care* so desperately about the outcome. Stay away, and keep your triumph or disappointment out of the parents' view. Anyway. NTA.
Banana_Puddin11 said:
NTA. I am disgusted by your IL’s and your wife. The sexism is appalling. Girls play sports. Girls can be mechanics. Girls can do anything a boy can do. The ignorance is real with these people. They should be ashamed of themselves.
I hope you only have girls. Can you imagine the favoritism that a son/grandson would get. I would really think about having more children with a woman who got mad at me for not comforting her ahole parents because they didn’t get to live their boy fantasies though your child. Your wife is awful.