Choosing to live child-free often comes with a slew of unsolicited suggestions from friends with kids, family members, or coworkers, but what about child-free people who parent-shame?
While it might not be as common, complaining about kids when you don't have any is usually a futile effort. Children share the world with us, and will (unless the planet explodes and humanity halts) probably continue to do so.
So, when a conflicted expecting dad decided to consult the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's 'Am I the As*hole' about his roommate's baby-related complaints, people were ready to help.
"AITA for kicking out a very vocal child-free flatmate after my wife got pregnant?"
Basically my wife and I (29M/24F) bought our own house a couple of years ago, and got two flatmates in to help pay the mortgage. Two bedrooms + en-suite for us to use, one bedroom each + shared bathroom for the two flatmates.
One flatmate “Alex” pretty much keeps to herself, the other one “Kaitlin” (32F) is quite strongly opinionated and much more social. Kaitlin is also child-free and occasionally very vocal about it (as in, it’s not constant, but when something child related comes up she will interject without fail).
Anyway, wife and I were finally successful in conceiving and decided to tell both of our flatmates three months into the pregnancy. We chose three months as we didn’t want to announce it to anyone too early in case of a miscarriage, but also wanted to give flatmates plenty of time to find somewhere else if they (understandably) didn’t want to live with a newborn.
In the end, both said they wanted to stay flatting with us as the location is good and the house is a new build (most houses in my country are cold and damp turn of the century wooden cottages).
Anyway, almost immediately after this Kaitlin begins making snide remarks about our soon to be child. Things like she should get a discount on rent for putting up with a baby, she’s not going to get any sleep with a baby in the house, we should have told them we were trying etc.
At first my wife just brushed these off, though I did have a word with Kaitlin that they’re not appreciated. Since then the snide remarks became more frequent and rude, e.g., calling us selfish for bringing a child into the world, saying our social lives are going to be over, etc.
After a couple months of this, I decided that I didn’t want to put up with this kind of negativity in what will be a very stressful (but also special) time of my life. I consulted with my wife and with her support have decided to kick Kaitlin out of our house.
As a flatmate without a formal signed rental agreement she actually has no tenancy rights in my country, though I still opted to give her a month to find a new place as a sign of good faith.
Kaitlin is throwing a hissy fit saying I’m being unfair. That since she pays rent she should have a say in the direction of the household, and that we were selfish for having a kid without even telling flatmates.
Alex is on the fence though has expressed that I’m being a bit unfair to Kaitlin. Wife as I said fully supports me though she’s less annoyed my her behavior than myself if I’m being honest. So yeah, AITA?
Here's what the jury of internet strangers had to say:
Zillah-The-Broken said:
NTA. your peace of mind in your house comes first, and she sounds insufferable.
testcern26 said:
I just keep thinking were they supposed to yell “we’re trying for a baby!” Every time they have sex.
[deleted] said:
There are two types of childfree people. One just doesn’t wish to have children, but they accept that children are a part of life and usually enjoy interacting with kids. The second type hates children, thinks they shouldn’t exist, and makes everyone around them miserable.
Your flatmate is the latter. If she stayed she would get even more obnoxious after the baby arrives. I mean, how dare she say you should consult her about your family planning. Kick her out in good conscience. NTA.
Garden_Weed_Tender said:
Totally NTA. 'Since she pays rent she should have a say in the direction of the household' would apply if you were all renting the place together and were on equal footing, NOT in a situation where you own the house and you happen to have two spare bedrooms that you're renting out. Also, she was informed in plenty of time, chose to stay anyway and is now being a d*ck about it.
AppeltjeEitje1079 said:
NTA, you gave them a choice early on and she chose to stay, knowing a kid was on the way. To then be passive-aggressive about that, is just not on! She's got to go!
_MooFreaky_ said:
Some people are child free as a lifestyle choice. Some make it a key part of their personality and it turns to just hating on kids. She is definitely the latter and you should have no guilt for kicking her out. NTA.
semicrookedwings said:
NTA she was giving the option months ago to move out when you informed her of the baby, she chose to stay. You gave her more than enough grace and she's the one being disrespectful. It's YOUR house. Giving her a month's notice is the fair thing to do, but hold your ground and boot her. Congrats on the baby!
Note to couples planning on having a baby at some point...make sure to notify your roommates in a formal memo about your future family plans?
Of course, the majority of people agreed here that this couple wouldn't be wrong to kick this judgmental roomie out. Nobody should have to share a living space with a screaming newborn baby if they don't want to, but it's hard to know who is the baby here. Good luck, everyone.