Sous chef tells ex the truth about their 'trivial' breakup: 'he was an extremely picky eater.' AITA?

"AITA for telling a guy the real reason I wasn’t dating him was that he was an extremely picky eater?"

Here’s the situation. I (28F) met this guy, Jake (30M), on a dating app. He seemed like a good match—funny, smart, and we had some common interests. After a couple of weeks of texting, we decided to meet up for dinner.

For context, I’m a sous chef, and I come from a culture where food is a huge part of life. Sharing meals and trying new dishes are essential to me, not just because of my job, but because it's part of how I connect with others.

Our first date was at a nice Italian restaurant, and that’s when I first noticed something was off. Jake spent a ridiculous amount of time asking the waiter about every single dish.

When it was finally time to order, he settled on plain pasta with butter. No sauce, no toppings—just noodles and butter. It struck me as odd, but I shrugged it off, thinking maybe he just wasn’t feeling adventurous that night.

Then we went out again, and I suggested sushi. Jake made a face and said he doesn’t eat seafood or anything that’s “uncooked,” so we ended up at a diner instead.

Once again, he interrogated the waiter about every item on the menu before finally ordering a plain cheeseburger with nothing on it. Just meat, cheese, and bread. This was starting to become a pattern.

Over the next few dates, it became clear that Jake was extremely picky, not because of allergies or a medical condition like ARFID, but simply because he refused to try anything unfamiliar.

He avoided sauces, spices, vegetables—basically anything that wasn’t super basic. Every meal turned into a challenge, and he even made faces or comments about dishes I enjoyed, which started to feel disrespectful, considering my background.

The breaking point came when I invited Jake to a potluck dinner hosted by one of my colleagues. It was a big event with lots of homemade dishes from various cultures—exactly the kind of thing I love.

When we arrived, Jake immediately looked uncomfortable. As we moved through the buffet line, he barely put anything on his plate. He kept making comments like, "This looks weird," or "I don’t trust food that has too many ingredients."

I was embarrassed, especially since these were my colleagues and friends who had spent a lot of time preparing these dishes. Jake picked at his food and eventually whispered to me that he was going to leave and grab some fries from a fast-food place nearby because he "couldn't eat this stuff." He left the potluck early, leaving me to make excuses for his absence.

That was when I realized this wasn’t going to work. Food is such a significant part of my life and my culture, and I need someone who can share that with me. So, I decided to end things with Jake. To avoid hurting his feelings, I told him it was because I wasn’t ready for a serious relationship right now.

But Jake wouldn’t let it go. He kept texting and calling, insisting that he deserved to know the real reason. After a week of him pestering me, I finally told him the truth—that his extremely picky eating habits were a major issue for me, and I couldn’t see a future where food wasn’t a constant point of tension.

Jake was livid. He accused me of being shallow and said it was ridiculous to end things over something as “trivial” as food. He told me I was making a big mistake and that I was missing out on a great relationship over something that shouldn’t even matter. Now, I’m left wondering: was I the ahole for telling him the real reason I didn’t want to date him?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

yummytenderloin said:

That's a perfect reason to not date someone.

giririsss said:

NTA. He called something you love, and do for work, trivial. You're fundamentally incompatible.

milkshake-please said:

NTA Well if the food thing wasn’t a good enough reason to end things then his reaction to you telling him the reason definitely is.

GeneralJavaholic said:

NTA. You didn't leave him over food. You left him over his horrible personality.

mynamecouldbesam said:

NTA and you should've been upfront in the first place. The fact that he thinks it's nothing and you think it's everything just shows how incompatible you are as a couple.

Gks34 said:

You're not shallow at all for rejecting childish behavior from a grown man. NTA.

RafflesiaArnoldii said:

NTA your lifestyles are super duper incompatible. Why would you be with a dude who would put a damper on one of your main passions? You were going to let him down gently but he insisted on prying - he should realize that if you ask a question you might in fact get an answer. No one is ever entitled to a relationship apart from small children.