'AITA for telling my parents that they've taken the 'special' out of my birthday dinners?'
"AITA for saying my special birthday dinner's aren't special for me and I don't want them anymore?"
Horrathorne writes:
For years, my mom and stepdad have only eaten out or gotten takeout from one place because of my stepsiblings' allergies. Both have an allergy to peanuts and other kinds of nuts. My stepbrother (11) has a dairy allergy, and my stepsister (12) has a seafood/shellfish allergy. Their allergies were diagnosed around the time my mom met my stepdad.
When we all moved in together, it became an allergen-free zone. I (16M) was 7 at the time. It didn't bother me too much until I realized how strict they'd be about it. Even though my stepbrother could be around dairy, I wasn't allowed ice cream or any chocolate that had milk in it. I couldn't eat pizza either because of the cheese.
Then my parents found a restaurant that had no nuts, shellfish, or dairy, and they decided we'd never eat or order takeout from anywhere else. It's kind of vegan but not strictly vegan, I don't think. I don't like their food. It all tastes weird to me.
They don't even have regular fries on the menu. It's either another vegetable used as fries or sweet potatoes, which I hate. I hate eating out or ordering takeout because of it, and for years we've celebrated all our birthdays there with family.
I found other nut-free restaurants that had allergy-safe menus, but my parents wouldn't even look at them. They said we had our restaurant and didn't need another one. Whenever I asked if we could order from different places for my birthday, they'd say no.
They said we always get takeout from there and that's where we'll always get our food. A few times, they said it's too much work to try out new places when we have it easy with "our choice."
My special birthday dinner never feels special because I can't eat anything I like. For a few birthdays, I was grumpy and withdrawn when we'd eat there, and my mom would tell me to change my attitude and appreciate what I have and the family that gives me a special dinner for my birthday. That not all families could afford to eat out for their birthdays every year.
Last year, when I turned 15, I got into a fight with my mom when I told her my birthday dinner should be something I like and I didn't want to eat that nasty food anymore. Mom said that was such a disrespectful thing to say, and what about my stepsiblings? What are they supposed to do if we go somewhere else?
I said other than nuts, they can be around dairy or shellfish, and they're around all that stuff out in the wild. So why do I have to be punished because of their allergies? My stepdad told me to watch how I spoke because it would hurt my stepsiblings' feelings and his, because he'd like to think us being a family and able to eat together was enough.
When we got to the restaurant, I was miserable, and they kept correcting me for looking angrier than usual. After that, I swore I wouldn't do it anymore. So a couple of months ago, before my birthday last week, I told them I didn't want a special dinner or meal with the family and I was done with eating as a family for my birthdays and for anything else like my graduation.
I told them it's not special for me, I hate it, I don't like the food, and I'd rather ignore my birthday than go through that. They tried to plan a birthday dinner anyway, but nobody showed since the rest of the family knew how I felt.
My parents are angry that I'm "being this way," and my mom tried to make it about the step thing, when this would be annoying even if it was just me and her. Who wants to eat stuff they don't like on their birthday? Like seriously. AITA?
People responded to OP's post.
Hoplite68 says:
NTA. Allergies can be incredibly dangerous, but there are ways to let other people live around those allergies. Your parents have instituted this policy out of laziness or fear, and are upset that you're calling them out because they don't want to feel bad about being lazy/cowardly. They also don't like that other people now know about it. You're not responsible for their feelings, and they've ruined enough.
OP responded:
I think their laziness is a big part of it honestly. Because I did the work for them and they wouldn't even read or consider it.
Hopeful-Artichoke449 says:
Your mom really sucks in this situation.
goddessofspite says:
NTA. One day when you cut them all off and never speak to them again your mom will be crying and asking what she could possibly have done to deserve this. Show her this and the comments. She’s a terrible mother and she shouldn’t have had a kid of her own if she was gonna favor someone else’s kid.