'AITA for spending some of my grandchildren's education funds on a new boat?'
"AITA for spending some of my grandchildren's education funds on a new boat?"
I am 54 and I have two kids. They are both married and in their mid and late thirties. We have a decent relationship I think. My wife and I made sure both got through college without debt.
I helped both purchase their first homes with a $20,000 gift. No strings attached. When my son moved away for his wife's work I helped him pack. They alternate Christmas between me and their in-laws.
This last Christmas was my turn. We has a nice visit and then the five of us, their spouses were included, had a talk. I didn't press, I didn't push, I just asked if they still planned on starting families. My kids looked at each other like they had been waiting for this. Please note my son, the older one, has been married for eleven years.
I guess this was something they all talked about without including me. They said that they were happy with their lives and that kids weren't really something they wanted to bring into the world. I asked about adopting. They both said it wasn't something they considered.
They are adults and they can live however they want. I would love grandchildren but I don't feel I'm owed them. I literally live five minutes from my brother and I see his grandchildren all the time. I like that I can leave when they get loud.
I had money set aside to help with my grandchildren's education. Now I knew it wasn't needed for that purpose. So I bought myself a new boat. Sold my old one. Yes I am well aware that a boat is a hole in the water you throw money into. Don't care. I can afford it.
My kids saw pictures of my new boat on Facebook. They asked why I upgraded from our old family boat. I was truthful and said that I wanted a new boat and that money had opened up in my budget. They asked what money. I said that since they weren't having kids there was no purpose for an education fund.
They both went kind of nuts. They said I was crazy for spending $130,000 on a boat at my age. I said that my retirement funds were still topped up and I hadn't asked them for any help so I didn't see their issue.
After a lot of back and forth they admitted that they kind of expected me to leave them a good inheritance. I almost lost my head. I'm only fifty four Hopefully I have a couple of decades more to enjoy life.
I said that they could have whatever was left after I finished with it. But that I didn't actually owe them anything now and that they were kind of AHs for planning on my money. Should I have continued holding on to money that was never going to be used for it's intended purpose?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
NTA. I feel like your (adult) children are acting kind of entitled. You owe them nothing and your money can be used however you please, whether that be a gift to someone, a boat or anything in between.
The fact you even considered giving them that money for their children in the first place is incredibly admirable. The age comment is weird too - a boat would be great at any time, but especially in later years during retirement.
When I first read your title, I thought “what an AH for raiding the grand-babies’ money.” I was wrong. NTA. Your money to put in whatever hole you want (subject to approval from your spouse).
Tiny_Occasion_322 (OP)
I'm a widower. She would have loved the boat.
Went through this with my sister before my mom died. She fought tooth and nail over every single penny my mom wanted to spend--while also hitting her up for $5k or more a month--because she wanted a large inheritance. Personally, I'd rather have mom back.
I feel like the whole "large inheritance" thing also just doesn't mean that much if you don't have children. Like, sure, maybe you can burn a bit more money in your life, but it's not nearly as meaningful as a college fund for your grandchildren or helping your children get started in life with an apartment or house of their own.
Like, if I imagine I'm going to have descendants "in perpetuity" then sure I'm going to regard my accumulated wealth as a "dynastic" asset and I would consider myself to be robbing them in the future future if I'm not investing in them and passing on assets to them now, and I would try to instil the same responsibility in my children.
But if my children have decided to end the line and just spend their money on enjoying retirement before they kick the bucket, there's literally no reason for me not to do the same.
Dude - you’re two yrs older than me, and my spouse and I travel the world (mostly for concerts and sports), own a camper (it was a toss up between camper and boat!), and generally enjoy our life. Grown kids, no grands.
Cant imagine any of my kids asking me to act like I’m 90, not enjoy the fruits of MY hard labor, just so they can squeeze an inheritance out of me. Sorry friend, but you have some seriously entitled kids. No one is owed jack.
NTA. If they aren’t having kids, WTF do they need an inheritance for? If they are just going to eventually going to blow it on themselves, you might as well enjoy it instead, you worked for it. They have plenty of time to earn and spend their own fun money.
ENJOY YOUR BOAT! NTA.
Tiny_Occasion_322 (OP)
I will.