'AITA for spending money saved for an engagement ring on a tattoo?'
"AITA for spending money saved for an engagement ring on a tattoo?"
A bit more than a month ago my now ex broke up with me out of the blue. I don’t want to go into the details of the relationship or the break up but we had been talking about marriage before the break up. We had settled on the wedding bands and an engagement ring.
I am by no means well-off and arguably live paycheck to paycheck but I manage to always pay my bills, save money, and budget money for fun (concerts, fancy dinners, trips to ren Fairs/ cons/ rallies, random events, etc). While still doing all this I managed to put aside several thousand for the engagement ring she wanted.
After the break up I decided to spend that money on myself. I bought myself my favorite bourbon, a case of my favorite cigars, and finally finish a large tattoo sleeve I’ve been having worked on for two years. The issue came when I started casually seeing a young woman, let’s call her Dee.
I knew Dee before I met my ex but we were more acquaintances than anything else just due to life stuff (and honestly because I only had eyes for my now ex from the moment i first met her) but we knew enough about each other that she was familiar with the fact that I’m not one to just casually throw money around.
Since this money wasn’t budgeted for anything (well not since the breakup) and let’s be honest I’m heartbroken I’ve been a lot more willing to just say “f it” and spend money. Tonight I met Dee for dinner and drinks and during the drinks part of the evening she noticed my fresh ink and jokingly asked me if I had gotten promoted or hit the lottery.
When I explained to her where this money had come from she got real serious and told me that spending it like that was disrespectful. That I had saved that money for something beautiful and by “wasting it” it proves I never cared about my ex.
Dee ended up leaving me at the bar (where I am currently typing this up) because she was upset with me. Maybe it’s the fantastic cocktails blurring my judgement but am I the a$ole for spending my money?
Info from OP in response to questions:
• I’ll be 49 in April. I’m covered in tattoos now but I’ve saved my right arm specifically for this sleeve. I might have to shave my head if I want anymore ink haha.
• She was seeing someone else I didn’t know about and left me for them.
• I wouldn’t say I’m broke. I just can’t afford to randomly buy a new motorcycle/car or take extended time off of work without some planning. Between my mortgage, car payment, and other life expenses the paychecks are basically spoke for.
• I’m at a cocktail bar and the bartender has been supplying me with a fantastic selection of “girly drinks”. I’m not sure what I’m currently drinking is called but it’s bright blue and amazing
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
NTA. Be careful in choosing women.
Ok_Client_9406 OP:
Advice I really need to take to hearthaha
Many-Gold1086 said:
NTA!!! These women are gone from your life, but you have some nice new ink that will last forever!!!! Idk how old you are, but I'm almost 33 and regret not getting tattoos I wanted when I was younger because now I have kids and responsibilities, and can't fathom getting a tattoo for the foreseeable future.
You will meet someone that is right for you and save up new money to spend on that, but the money you had saved for your ex's ring could have been spent however you wanted. Your new friend was lucky you didn't just go to a strip club with it.
Gold-Worldliness-810 said:
Omg no NTA. Dee is clearly bat crap crazy. It's your money darling go to Disney and fly first class if you like. Now, that being said, if your broke and barely surviving, maybe use most of it for life; but yes go have some fun and spend it on whatever you want.
Itchy-Worldliness-21 said:
Sounds like she was mad you didn't spend the money on her.
SlappySlapsticker said:
NTA. Dee seems to have some personal biases about how you (who are now single) spends your savings. I'm not sure what she expected you to do with that money now it's never going to be spent on what you were saving it for...?
DgShwgrl said:
NTA. Mate, the proper reply to her comment about wasting money meant for something beautiful should have been "you don't think my ink makes me beautiful?" Go buy a fruity cocktail that you would have got for Dee, then drink it yourself. So called "girly drinks" taste amazing, I'd recommend a fruit tingle if they have them. Turn your tongue purple and have fun!
jmckinl said:
NTA but maybe take some time for yourself to grieve the relationship. It was your money to spend however you want and I hope that the things you're spending it on will give you joy and wonderful memories. Not sure what Dee's deal is and she's entitled to her opinion but it sure sounds like she might have been interested in your money?
OP left this last comment before signing off:
Well with my uber mere minutes away and my tab having been settled I want to thank you all for your time and support. Ya’ll rock and I tried to throw some upvote love to everyone who commented but I’ve been drinking and might have missed someone so I do apologize if I did. Cheers! You made my night infinitely better.