'AITA if I spend the money meant to pay someone who did a job for me?' UPDATED
"WIBTA if I spent the money meant to pay someone who did a job for me?"
I(F70) have backyard chickens. I planned to have a new, bigger coop built for them this year. My regular contractor ghosted me a couple times for an estimate, so I was whining to my lawn guy about that. My lawn guy said he knew a guy that would probably be willing to do it, and he probably **wouldn’t** ask for money.
I said I would feel bad if someone did all that work and didn’t get paid for it. This is important for later. Lawn guy gave my number to a guy, Jason, who texted me and arranged for him to come look at the site and discuss what I wanted. He was stoked about the job and asked if it would be okay if he came after work each day during the week.
I told him I didn’t care when he did it, as long as it was done by the end of July. It occurred to e after he left that we’d never discussed his fee, other than him saying “I work cheap.” I ordered the materials online from Home Depot, then Jason and I went there and picked it up with his truck. I paid for everything.
For the next couple weeks, he came by after work. He finished the job a week before the end of July. After he picked up all the building materials and loaded his truck, I asked him “How much do I owe you?” He said that he’d need to figure that out since he’d picked up a few things at Home Depot, and needed to calculate his costs, and that he’d let me know. That was on 7/24.
As of today (11/17) I have not heard from Jason to pay him. I have texted him 7 times, called him a 2 times, even asked Lawn guy to pass along that I am still looking to pay him for his work. I have been unable to contact Jason and Lawn guy is apparently reluctant to disclose any personal information about Jason, and kind of smiles when he says that.
My son, an attorney, says that since we didn’t discuss a price and there’s no contract, and I bought the materials, I am not legally obligated to pay him if he shows up a year from now looking for the money. Also, the fact that Lawn guy said Jason would “probably do it for free” tells me that Jason had no intentions of taking money for the job.
Why, I have no idea. Sometimes I joke that I got reverse scammed – he did the work and ghosted me for the money rather than taking the money and not showing up for the work.
I’m not complaining, but I feel bad that he did all that work in the brutal heat and I haven’t been able to pay him. My thought is to hang on to the money until the end of the year and, if I haven’t heard from him, use it to replace my sump pump that is limping along.
I feel like I have done my due diligence in trying to contact him. I only have his phone number and first name, tried reverse lookup on his phone number, and came up empty. So, WIBTA if I spend this money if my deadline passes and he hasn’t claimed his money?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Actual-Existential wrote:
NTA but what did he bury in your yard????
OP responded:
You really should issue beverage warnings for this kind of comment. LOL.
RuAmazed wrote:
NTA. Ask your lawn guy if he knows anything about fixing sump pumps.
OP responded:
See, this is why I wanted to ask the internet about this. Never a day goes by that internet strangers don't make me laugh.
clx2106 wrote:
NTA, maybe he's just a kind dude. If he does come back after you've spent the money, and you want to pay him then, you can figure it out later. But since it's been months and he ghosted you, he probably won't come back for it.
OP responded:
Funny you should say that - a friend of mine wondered if this guy is "atoning" for something he did in his life. I mean, I'm an old lady, but I can still carry a 50 lb bag of chicken feed up that hill to the chicken feeder. I'm not soft or helpless. I just didn't want to mess around with trying to build that coop, when I have no building experience and knew it would come out looking like a finished Jenga game.
And honestly? There are a lot of people out there who could use help like that more than I needed it. But this is the first time in my life something like this has ever happened, so it's confusing to me. I don't want to text him and say "Thanks for passing on your money," just in case he's not! hahaha.
CE2JRH wrote:
How much do you pay the lawn guy, and how old/how well off is Jason? I'm a tradie. If I was bored and a close friend said this old lady who's been really good to me, could use a favour from needs a hand, mind helping her out, I might do it for free depending on the scope.
OP responded:
Jason has a grandchild - I recall him talking about him when we were chit chatting one day. I know he works with my lawn guy in an environment that is brutally hot during the summer months. They wear coveralls like mechanics wear, but I think they work around machinery. I seem to remember lawn guy talking about a union. So, that's all I know.
He built a 10'x10' coop. I pay my lawn guy $40 for my 1/4 acre lot, and a dozen fresh eggs (which, earlier this year, could've been worth $50! lol). When I met him he was on FMLA with his wife and newborn baby. He was doing lawns to help earn some money because he was only getting half his regular pay. He needed money, I needed my lawn done.
brookml wrote:
Just see if his number comes up on Venmo PayPal or Zelle and send him $500.
OP responded:
It worked! I found him, sent him $550, and a note thanking him for his excellent work, and his kindness. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS SUGGESTION!
madsheeter wrote:
NTA. It seems like you ran into a nice person willing to help out, and you have indeed done your due diligence in trying to pay for the services. I would put aside 1/2 of the material cost aside in case he comes looking for it, but as someone whonhas helped others in the way he helped you: he might prefer to be paid in chickens, but thats his call. That's why trades are called trades.
OP responded:
If he wants payment in chickens, I might have to tell him to…
“Fa-KAWF”
Professional-Ad-4787 wrote:
Maybe set some $$ aside for when he does reach out. It would be pretty awful if he ended up not getting paid. And especially not getting paid back for the money and gas costs he spent.
OP responded:
This is why I feel bad about it. So much going on in this country, with people facing so many hardships from tariffs and gov't shutdown, higher food prices, natural disasters…I know he's married, but I don't think he has kids at home. He mentioned a grandson.
The money sitting there is needed. In July while he was doing the build, my central air crapped out, needed a whole replacement. A month later, the water heater went, three weeks ago, it was the furnace, which is still acting squirrelly.
Now the sump pump sounds bad - vibrating and jerking to one side when it kicks in. And there's over a thousand dollars sitting there saying “fix the sump pump BEFORE it craps out!” You know how they say you should burn sage to get bad of bad energy in your house? I'm thinking about buying a bale of it, throwing on the living room floor and setting it on fire. LOL.
Cosmohumanist wrote:
You seem like a good hearted person. It's likely he won't ask for money at this point, but to be safe what I would do is get $200 in $20s, put it in an envelop and stash it away till the spring. If he comes back around you'll have something set aside, if not then assume it's all been settled. NTA.
After receiving lots of helpful feedback, OP shared an update.
UPDATE: I found him, thanks to a suggestion I search his phone number on PayPal or Venmo. I found him on PayPal, sent him $550 and a note thanking him for his excellent work and his kindness.
Thanks for ALL of the kind words here, and for some of you, thanks for the laughs and giggles. To put some minds at ease, I'm 1,000% positive he didn't bury anything under the chicken coop, as it is built on asphalt. LOL.