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'AITA for spying on my wife when I thought she was cheating only to find out something else.'

'AITA for spying on my wife when I thought she was cheating only to find out something else.'

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"AITA for spying on my wife when I thought she was cheating only to find out something else."

throwaway9164759dbrj

AITA So I thought my wife was cheating. Nothing specific but I just had a hunch something was going on. Did a little snooping but didn't find much. But I did see some transactions into another account.

I don't do the bills so I wouldn't normally see it. My wife works about 24 hours a week and I work 40 but often do 48. Also, my neighbor asked why my brother in law was over the house as he saw a car in the driveway (no as weird as it sounds).

No hard evidence but I decided to get some of there was some time find. So I went online and bought three hidden cameras. Two were plugs and one was a phone charger block. I figured I might catch someone coming that shouldn't be there.

Well I did find someone. My wife, who has two school age kids that are gone from 8am until 4pm 5 days a week and in summer camp all summer, was hiring a housekeeper to clean and do laundry.

The payments were to this woman for $300 a week. We had discussed a housekeeper years ago when the kids were younger and she was home with the kids during Covid but we didn't want to spend the money.

So I confronted her with the evidence 2 weeks ago. She flipped out on me for putting cameras in the house but I feel justified as I was suspicious and was ultimately right that there was something up.

She had hired this woman in 2022 and had paid a total of $36,600. Money that could have gone to retirement, a vacation, pay off or avoid credit cards, mortgage, or savings.

We aren't "housekeeper" level income. And after she bought a brand new $50,000 SUV I wanted to buy a nice vehicle too since I commuted much more. But she said we couldn't afford it. So I bought a 2 year old smaller car. She is still mad eat me for spying but I feel justified in being suspicious and pissed off for her lying and using money we didn't have to hire someone we didn't need.

Again, she works much less than I do, is home all day alone and we split the chores 50/50 when I am home and even give her days off when I have a day off. I'm not budging on this.

Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:

Fearless_Spring5611

ESH.. I get why you felt the need to investigate, but unfortunately in doing so you are running rough-shod over everyone else's privacy. And the fact that you "give her days off" makes it sound like you consider her an employee as much as a wife.

I can see why someone would argue the ends justifying the means because you did find wrong-doing - but even then, you have to admit that you did impede on liberties in the process.

Wife is clearly an AH for hiring out a cleaner without running it alongside the rest of the household, and is on shaky grounds arguing about being found out. She clearly knew it was not agreed on and had to sneak the cleaner in/out around your work schedule.

Otherwise she would of been up front from the start about it. Even if she paid the woman's whole wage out of her own income, it still should have been a team decision. Y'all need to talk to each other.

Haunting-Juice983

Here’s me doing our finances and wondering how you could could miss $36k a year on a housekeeper and a $50k car, not being involved. I’m not sure what income you’re pulling together, COVID aside. My partner and I earn over $200k combined, I run the finances mostly but this must be a piss take 😂. We can’t afford a $36k household keeper.

ironchef8000

ESH. Both of it apparently suck at communication and instead hide things or are suspicious. You’re an AH for secret cameras in your own house. She’s an AH because that’s a ton of money to spend when it’s apparently straining your budget pretty hard.

The OP responded here:

throwaway9164759dbrj

We usually have great communication. At least I do. But I started getting suspicious. Asked her what she did that day only to find it wasn't done. She told me she vacuumed and the vacuum hadn't moved from where I left it.

Just things like that. The final straw was hearing my brother in law was at my home when I knew he was working out of town that week. Turns out the housekeeper and my BIl had similar cars.

jrm1102

YTA.

"I'm not budging on this?"

That spying on your partner is wrong? That you two seemingly dont communicate? Normally I'd say she’s an AH for spending $36k behind your back but $300 a week does not equal $36k. Im now doubting your take on this.

Listen_2learn

You should have confronted her about the money going out- before setting up cameras. ESH -your wife for lying and using household money for something you agreed not to pay for. You for not being direct asap and thinking you “deserve” a better car. You are made for each other.

Queasy_Sky_5649

NTA. I’m a female, sole provider of our family income. My main focus is finance and savings. Id lose my marbles if I found out we spent that much. Probably drive me to a Great Depression tbh. Working to find out I was appreciating a woman who wasn’t actually working. Rough.

AzureDreamer

Yes!!! Putting hidden cameras without informing your spouse is incredibly messed up probably illegal and morally reprehensible to the extreme. I would leave a partner no questions asked for doing that. Now was her using 30k of shared income without discussing it terrible yes. You both sound like dumpster fires of people.

So, what do you think about this one? If you could give the OP any advice here, what would you tell them?

Sources: Reddit
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