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Woman livid 'thieving' uncle RSVPs for family Thanksgiving; 'his cruelty is a shadow that has followed me.' AITA? + UPDATE

Woman livid 'thieving' uncle RSVPs for family Thanksgiving; 'his cruelty is a shadow that has followed me.' AITA? + UPDATE

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"AITA for standing my ground about a last minute Thanksgiving guest who has been abusive to me and tried to steal money from our family?"

Getoverture

I have a small family. Me (60F), mom (88F), brother (55F). Every year since my father died (2003, he was 65) we have Thanksgiving with my brother. My father had a brother who is still alive, Brian, (85M) has been cruel and unkind to me since I was a child: making fun of my hair, my clothes, where I went to college, etc etc. Nobody in my family EVER did anything abt it.

Brian has children my age, my first cousins, and then had three sons (also first cousins living in my city), with a woman my age when I was 30. The last time I saw Brian was at my father's funeral. Graveside, he made a comment about my breasts while the rabbi was pinning on our ribbons.

Brian was the executor of my father's will. As he settled the estate, he tried to manipulate me into giving up random items left to me including my grandmother’s inexpensive wedding ring. He sent email missives to family members, stating why he deserved these things. I let him keep the random items and ultimately I got the ring. Then, he had to sell a piece of family property and we (Mom, brother, me) were due half of the $$.

First, he tried to buy us out at a price 100k lower than it was worth. We refused. Then, he asked a family friend to try to buy the property from us at the same rate. We refused and forced him give us half the actual price.

Fast forward 20 years. Yesterday, my brother (who is hosting Thanksgiving) invited Brian's sons who live in our city. We do not believe they know anything about what their father did to us.

The eldest son, James (29M) reached out to my brother to thank him for the invite, agreed to come, and said that his parents were in town (breast-comment making uncle/wife) and could he bring them along?

My brother called my mother, I'll remind you she’s 88 and frail. She said she would still come which infuriates me. Then my brother called me, told me the story, said he was put in a bad spot because James could not have known, then asked me if I would still come.

The conversation became heated as I have no intention of seeing this man again for obvious reasons. I believe my brother is being well meaning, but is trying to figure out how to keep Brian away and not hurt James.

Clearly, nobody gives a hoot about my feelings. I am sorry he has been put in this position but honestly? I'm horrified that my family would care so little about me that they would do this.

I called my mother and we had a screaming match. She told me I could sit home and eat pie but that she was going. I reminded her about the breast comment, and the $$, she would not budge and basically hung up on me. So I may be forced to spend Thanksgiving alone, unless I spend it with the man who made a comment about my breast and tried to steal from us. AITA?

The OP also quickly provided an update.

Getoverture

I told my brother that I would not come if my uncle was there and stood firm. He reached out to James, the cousin, and told him there was bad blood between me/my mom and his parents and it would be too uncomfortable if they came.

They are not coming. Now, my family is very angry with me and not returning texts/emails. I do have other offers, but I was supposed to spend 5 days with my mom and bring her to Thanksgiving. Nothing about this feels good.

Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:

Reynardo

NTA. Boundaries are important. And while I know Thanksgiving is important, and family is important, your own self worth and self respect are also important and worthy of not being trampled on. So. You've been straight with your mother, and your brother, and the rest of them.

I have no doubt they do remember all that but have been pressured to accept GrossUncle and have him come to the dinner. So go have a different Thanksgiving. I bet you have people around who would love to have an extra at the table.

Or there might be a community dinner somewhere. Is there a friend who tends to spend Thanksgiving alone as well - nothing says you two can't spend it together. Turkey, veggies, and maybe some pie after while watching a cheesy movie. Good luck with it all and let us know how it all went.

rosered936

I’m confused. Why can no one tell your cousin why you don’t want to be around his dad? Just call him and explain.

ded517

NTA. I’m sorry. Your brother needs to grow a spine and be honest with your cousins. IMHO, it’s better to be alone than to be in bad company. Life is too short for bad company. Your mother is way out of line. You‘re free to ignore her.

Do you have any friends who you can invite over or who welcome T-giving orphans? Even ordering or making a great meal for yourself and doing your favorite things or watching your favorite shows can be a pretty awesome holiday.

Maybe your family doesn’t care about your feelings, but you can. It’s ok to make your own joy and spend your time how you want to. That makes you very much NTA. Happy Thanksgiving, whatever you decide to do.

FeuerroteZora

NTA. The absolute gall of letting that man drive you away from YOUR FAMILY THANKSGIVING. Oh hell no. Your brother is a well meaning melon for sure, did he think that making nice with these cousins in particular WASN'T going to bite him in the ass? Bless his sweet clueless heart...

Expensive_Visual_594

I would stay home and create my own holiday tradition for myself and make it special.

So, what do you think about this one? If you could give the OP any advice here, what would you tell them?

Sources: Reddit
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