'AITA for standing my ground with a crazy mother-in-law?' 'My husband doesn't get it.'
"AITA for standing my ground with a crazy mother-in-law?"
My husband and I are expecting our first baby in June this year, it is the first grandchild on both sides of the family. My MIL was always a bit crazy prior to me getting pregnant but seems to have gone up a notch now.
She has said things like "I can’t wait to tell people I’m going to be a mum again," told someone I was pregnant and they doubted her so she reassured them by saying "no look at how fat she’s getting" while I was standing beside them & made a complete song and a dance about how she needed to be the first person to buy our baby clothes and it’s going home from hospital outfit...
The list goes on about how she’s amazing and no one will ever birth children like she did. What really tipped me over the edge recently was to do with our scan of the baby. For context we live in the Uk and you are provided 2 ultrasound scans, one at 12 weeks and another at 20 weeks they will usually print 3/4 pictures of the scan for you to take but this is ones they chose and your given what your given.
When we went to visit I had shown the first 12 week scan and she demanded to keep it, I explained that as it’s a free scan with the NHS we only get a few and she can’t keep it as it is special to us, I did however take a photocopy of it to give to her.
This is no longer good enough for the 20 week scan and she is now calling me and telling my husband he needs to bring her one of the scan photos as it’s her grandchild too.
I am now fed up having to explain to my husband how this woman makes me feel horrible and now she's demanding that she gets one of our scans that really means a lot to me. He doesn’t get it and ends up in a fight. AITA for telling her that I do appreciate she is excited about my child but to back off and it’s our child not hers?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Wild_Midnight_1347 said:
Your MIL is off the wall. You and husband need to setup boundaries quickly, or it will become worst. When the baby arrives, she is going to act like she is the mother. with regard to clothes, etc., tell MIL you have already bought things and immediately hand the clothes back to her. Your husband needs to protect you from MIL for both your health and sanity.
Do not tell her when you are in labor, do not tell her what hospital you are going to, be prepared to tell her NO when she demands to be in the delivery room with you. No more scans for MIL. This is your medical procedure. I suspect she would just go around and show everyone the scan. By the way, the comment about “you being fat” is disgustingly and shows no respect for you.
If your husband won’t stop MIL, you need to develop a shiny spine and tell no, when needed. Do not take any crap from her, Do not let her just trap your baby. Be vocal and don’t be afraid to protect baby and you from MIL.
Floating-Cynic said:
NTA and if it's leading to a fight, you probably need to set boundaries with your husband too. An anatomy scan is a medical record. Parenthood is actually a legal obligation and grandparenthood is a privilege. They are not the same.
Every moment she wrecks is a moment you will never get back, there's no do-overs with babies. It doesn't matter if he gets it or not. What matters is that she's interfering in your autonomy. And honestly, healthy people don't try to take limited prints of babies away from the baby's mother.
myshellly said:
NTA. But you need to realize that your issue isn’t between you and your MIL. It’s between you and your husband. If you and your husband don’t get on the same page now, all the boundaries in the world won’t solve the problem.
cyan_hit333 said:
NTA. You need to have a serious sit down with your husband now. He needs to decide this second if he's on your team or not. He needs to PROTECT HIS WIFE AND CHILD from the stress of his psycho mother. You might need counseling together - do it fast, well before the birth date.
This woman needs to be blocked from the hospital, and given NO information about your birth. If she isn't kicked into line immediately, it's going to get much worse. HE needs to handle this. I'm so sorry you're going through this.
Savings-Breath-9118 said:
You don’t have a mother-in-law problem you have a spouse problem. If he won’t stand up to her now, he never will. NTA.
Realistic_Head4279 said:
NTA. This IS your baby and so you do have control, not MIL. Clearly you have an overbearing MIL, and your husband will not stand up to her, so you just need to manage things as you see fit and not worry about what anyone else says or thinks.
I'm sorry you can't count on your husband to back you up on this issue. Likely he is used to giving in to her and there may come a point in your marriage, I hope, where he realizes his first allegiance is now to his wife, not his mother. Good luck!