'AITA for telling a flight attendant to make the guy in front of me put his seat upright?'

"AITA for standing up for my safety on a flight?"

I need to talk about what happened on my flight tonight — and I want to know if I’m the jerk here. So, I was flying from Denver to St. Louis. I was in first class. Before takeoff, the guy in front of me gets asked by the flight attendant to put his seat upright — like everyone else. He does. But the second the flight attendant sits down behind the partition? He immediately reclines it all the way back again.

So I bump his seat and ask him to return it to upright. He says, “The seat is broken.” This is before takeoff. And maybe that sounds small, but here’s the thing:

I’ve been in an emergency landing. I work in safety. I study aviation incidents. If the seat in front of you is reclined during takeoff or landing, you can’t get into the brace position — which increases your risk of serious injury or death by as much as 50%. So yes, I was uncomfortable. I was anxious. And I admittedly was upset.

Half an hour before landing, I stepped in the galley and asked the flight attendant if I could move — I told him I was worried the man in front of me would refuse again. I explained how important it is to me to feel safe given my prior experience. I didn't care if he moved me to the back of the plane.

The attendant said he’d make sure the seat was upright. I asked the flight attendant if he would make sure this was the case because on takeoff he immediately reclined it when the flight attendant moved out of sight. I told the flight attendant I would file a report about the incident. I want to be very clear, I had absolutely no issue with this man reclining during the flight.

Announcement, we're making our final descent into St. Louis. Please put your tray tables up, your laptops and devices away, and return your seat to the upright position. Two announcements go out. The man still doesn’t move. The flight attendant comes over and taps him — again, the guy says it’s broken.

The flight attendant says, “Well, if it’s broken, I’ll need to move you.” Suddenly, the seat’s not broken anymore.

This man turns around and starts arguing with me — because I didn’t want to have my safety compromised. I said to him, “I’m not willing to risk my safety for your entitled comfort." I was upset. No one else said anything. Not a single word. And I didn't expect anyone to say anything, most people choose politeness over safety. I was advocating for myself and my safety.

After we landed, as we’re getting off the plane, two men in the row behind me — grown men — start mocking me. Saying I should’ve just let it go. That I was in first class and there was plenty of room. I assure you I didn't have room to brace. Then one of them says, “FAA rules are stupid anyway.” Pumping up each other's egos by bullying a woman was hilarious to them.

And here’s what hurt most:

Not that the guy in front of me was an entitled jerk — but that these men were so quick to shame, belittle, and bully someone who was just asking — can we not break the rules - at the expense of my safety?

This is why women are afraid. When we speak up — we are punished. Men will back each other, even when one of them is clearly wrong, just to preserve their power. My entire life, I have prioritized being kind and polite. So I’m asking — genuinely — Was I the @$$hole here?

This is what people had to say to OP:

Satin-Vices said:

nah you were 100% right like ppl forget FAA rules exist bc they’re tied to survival not “comfort” lol dude just didn’t like being called out

apignamedphilbert said:

NTA. Classic case of two grown Karens/Kens not minding their own business. Imagine being so fragile that FAA compliance feels like a personal attack. Yikes. Must be exhausting living that small.

flindersrisk said:

You were the tip of the spear on that particular day. Women everywhere must, unfortunately, be prepared to stand as the tip of the spear to protect themselves and one another. We are the hero we need. Waiting for a man to step forward rarely works out.

CheekyPopcorn601 said:

Nah u weren’t the AH at all. like bro was literally lying abt a “broken seat” just so he could be comfy while putting u at risk?? that’s not petty, that’s safety. ppl who don’t get that have never actually been in danger.

olympiarocco said:

NTA- I am a flight attendant. There's a lot of guests that act this way. They think we are bossing them around because we get off on it. I just want to emphasize, flight attendants job is to inform not enforce. There is only so much we could do in situations like this. I don't know why the flight attendant didn't move you!

You handled this situation the best you could. Some people for some reason are just awful as soon as they walk into an airport. And yes, those men were embarrassing to try to humiliate a concerned woman. That speaks on their character, not yours. When I see men act that way, I pity then women and children in their lives.

OP responded:

I do want to say, the flight attendant was wonderful. He handled the situation very well. I'm just so frustrated that I had to defend my actions and the man causing the situation felt no embarrassment for blatantly breaking rules. I stayed and filed a report with the flight attendant. Passengers who can't follow rules and blatantly lie about it shouldn't be allowed to fly any longer. It's a privilege not an entitlement.