'AITA for standing up for my son and causing a scene at the family gathering?' UPDATED

"AITA for standing up for my son and causing a scene at the family gathering?"

I'm hoping to get some outside perspective on a situation that happened at a family gathering with my 10-year-old son, who's adopted, and my husband and his family.

So, I'm a proud mother of a 10-year-old boy who is very smart and mature for his age. He's always been aware of his adoption as my husband and I have never hidden it from him, but we've also never made a big deal out of it either. He's just a regular kid and we love him just as much as we would any biological child.

Yesterday, we were all at my husband's parents' house for a family gathering. The situation started when my 4 year old niece innocently asked why my son's skin was a different color than everyone else's, not knowing about his adoption.

Before I could even respond, one of the grandparents said, "That's because he's from a different planet!". Fortunately, no one laughed. However, my son turned red and looked down, seemingly upset and embarrassed, and didn't say anything.

I immediately stood up for my son and told the grandparents that they were being disrespectful, but they just laughed it off and continued making jokes about his adoption to my son's cousins. My husband also stood up for our son and told them to stop, but the grandparents just ignored us and said we were being sensitive.

The situation just escalated and it became clear that the grandparents had no intention of stopping. I didn't want my son to feel any more uncomfortable or embarrassed.

This was not the first time that his step-grandparents had made these kinds of jokes about him. It was becoming a regular occurrence at family gatherings, and my son was getting increasingly upset each time. I felt like I needed to step in and put a stop to it, so I decided to take him and leave the gathering.

My son was quiet on the way home, but when I asked him how he was feeling, he simply replied, "I'm adopted." This broke my heart and I could tell he was hurt by the whole situation, and I feel terrible that I hadn’t done anything until yesterday.

I'm now considering never meeting the grandparents again because, as I said before, this has happened more than once, and I don't want my son to continue to be the target of their jokes.

My husband was not happy with my decision to leave and thought it was going too far. He complained that I was overreacting and that I should have stayed and dealt with his parents. He told me that it was his family and that I needed to be more understanding. Was I the @$$hole?

What do you think? AITA for how she handled this situation? This is what top commenters had to say:

[deleted] said:

NTA You keep protecting your child mama.

Primary-Space said:

NTA, totally NTA!!! Your husband's family is being extremely disrespectful to you and your son. Also, your husband is an asshole too for not being supportive of your choice in leaving.

bamf1701 said:

NTA. You are a wonderful parent! What your husband’s parents did (I will not call them your son’s grandparents) was inexcusable and does so much harm to a child, to be mocked like that, especially by someone who is supposed to love you.

You are 100% correct to make certain that your son is no longer exposed to people who would do that to him for their own amusement. And you husband, if he doesn’t agree with you, is failing as a parent.

Family is not about genetics - it is about the people who love and support you.

shuckyducked said:

There’s only one person who’s putting your son first in this situation. Ask your husband why it’s only you. NTA.

XRaiderV1 said:

your husband needs to nut up, shine his spine and shut that crap down right now, thats HIS KID he's letting them treat like this.

Judgement: Op= NTA

Op's husband= AH(read coward)

grandparents= MASSIVELY AH.

And [deleted] said:

NTA - I’m so sorry for what you and your son experienced, can’t believe husband said you were overreacting. Being family is not a free pass to be racist, make people feel uncomfortable or single anyone out. Good on you for sticking up for your baby, although it sounds like a shitty moment he’ll always remember how his mum took his side and stood up for him 💜

She later shared this update:

I just had a heart-to-heart conversation with my son and I'm left completely shocked by his confession. Apparently, they say even worse things (I will not give details) when my husband and I are not around and my son had never said anything because he didn't want to cause problems and upset anyone.

I am absolutely appalled by what I have learned and after our discussion I have made the decision to NEVER visit my husband's parents again, as I will not subject my son to any further emotional harm. This is straight up abuse and I am even considering suing them. I will definitely have a talk with my husband.