"AITA for standing up to my pregnant wife?"
My wife is 31 weeks pregnant. When we found out we were expecting, we came up with a plan for remodeling our spare bedroom into our nursery. My Father in Law is a former contractor, so we told him the plans we had, and he said he would help make the dream a reality. This was February.
We had 1 solid week of work complete, including knocking down a section of the wall to expand out the closet. After that, the project sat. My FIL was more concerned about golfing and fishing every weekend, instead of completing the project he said he would complete.
It was always various reasons. He needed tools, so I bought them. He said he needed his friend to help, but he was working on another house out of state and likely gone for the entire summer. Numerous times I told him I would help, and it was always “we’ll get it done, don’t worry about it.” We are due early September.
My wife progressively got more stressed as the due date gets closer. So despite construction not being anything I was ever taught, by the power of YouTube, I started working.
By myself, I laid new flooring, painted the entire nursery, installed new base boardings, trimmed out the closet door, installed the new door frame and door. Mind you, our house was built in 1930, so nothing is straight. Everything is angled, so this was not an easy first project to tackle. I needed my Father in Law for one day to help hang the door. Otherwise, it was just me.
The nursery is nearly complete. I have one more floating shelf to hang and a couple touch ups on paint. Throughout the entire process, I have yet to get a thank you from my wife.
It was always complaints that I wasn’t getting enough done, or hyper fixation on the smallest details “you missed a paint spot there”. It’s become rather frustrating because I’m only doing this to help.
Initially, this wasn’t supposed to be my project. I also am the breadwinner, and work about 50 hours a week (father in law is retired, and spends most of his days on the couch.)
On top of that, I handle almost all the cleaning and laundry, manage the doctor appointments, manage all medication refills, cook every night, and take care of our 4 pets. But I’m trying to set a good example for our kid.
Yesterday, I worked again in the nursery for another day. After working for 5 hours upstairs, I wanted to take a break and hang with our dogs. We have a security camera in our living room.
I sat down for maybe 5-10 minutes in front of the TV when I get a call from my wife, who is at work (she works weekends only.) When I pick up, I get…
“You don’t have time to sit down, you need to move to the next project. Do some laundry!”
Alright, fine. I’ll throw a load in. After that, she gets off work around the time I’m done sorting and started the load. We have normal convo, but when she gets home, she looks at the nursery and says “you know, I expected you to get more done today.”
I had enough. I told her I got as much done as I could, and that we are only at this stage because of everything I did. And reminded her, not once have I gotten a thank you or this looks nice. She storms off to go to her mom’s house, where I’m sure she said nothing but negative things about me.
Since she got home last night, she’s barely talked to me. I tried to help her this morning with a few small things, and she respond “Don’t help! I guess I have to do this all on my own.”
I get that pregnancy does crazy things to a woman’s biological makeup, and I don’t expect to be treated like I’m a god. But I don’t think I should be constantly kicked around for all that I am doing. During the week, if she isn’t sitting in our pool (which I also setup for her), she lays in bed. I do almost everything. A thank you goes a long way….
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s post:
NTA. Pregnancy is tough but it's not an excuse to be ungrateful and controlling. Watching you on a security camera to tell you to do chores is way over the line. You deserve a thank you.
I’m wondering if she was like this pre-pregnancy, or if this is all new behaviors. Either way, OP sounds like a very good person being sadly used by her.
Dude, this is WAY beyond pregnancy issues. This is spoiled brat princess issues! I’m guessing none of this behavior is really new but has been amplified by her pregnancy. Serious marriage counseling is the next step. Her actions are wildly unacceptable. You need to set boundaries & stick to them or she will run all over you forever.
Pregnancy hormones do not equal a free pass to be a spoiled ungrateful brat. She could be helping still and heaven forbid she helps with her unborn child's nursery! If you weren't there she would have to do everything, or get some help from family.
As a woman who had zero help from the other parent (my mistake!) I would have given an arm and a leg for the kind of support you're giving her. She's just too spoiled to see clearly. Good luck with the future, I fear this will just continue once the child arrives.
NTA...and I've been pregnant a couple times. It's not an excuse to be the b-word from hell. She needs to suck it up. If she thinks its rough now, wait until she has it. I feel sorry for you.
Your wife is ungrateful! No amount of hormones makes anyone forget to say thank you. You did a great job, and all of us redditors think you are NTA. She owes you an apology. Also, be petty and remind her that her father let her down and you were left to pick up the pieces.
NTA “Your father promised to help with the project and disappeared after the first week. I have been working hard at work and at home to get it done as quickly as possible. You are pregnant, not disabled and it wouldn’t kill you to do a load of laundry and take care of the pets while I am at work.”
I hate how infantilized some women are when pregnant. Unless she is on bed rest she can do a load of laundry. It also is a red flag that she ran off to her mom’s. Stop doing everything for her, she’s not a child, she’s not due tomorrow.
She can do laundry and throw some things in the crockpot, feed the dogs and clean up a bit while you work. Was she this useless/ungrateful before she got pregnant? I would rather be single than be with a partner like her.