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'AITA for starting a family feud over double-booking my baby's first birthday?' 'I kinda blew up.'

'AITA for starting a family feud over double-booking my baby's first birthday?' 'I kinda blew up.'

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"AITA for starting a family feud over double booking my baby's first birthday?"

My partner and I were planning my son's first birthday, which happens to fall on the Monday after Father's Day. At a recent family gathering, we asked for scheduling feedback. The family was ambivalent.

There was a lot of "oh we'll make whatever work' and "well, if we're going to get together anyway, we might as well just have the bday party that day." So we planned the bday for this coming Father's Day at 1pm. Great! Not so fast.

A couple of weeks later (today), and there is a msg in the family group chat from my sister stating that 'We are planning a Father's Day brunch at our place at 1030am' and asking for RSVPs. After staring at this msg in disbelief for a good minute, I state that as we discussed, we will be hosting baby's bday that afternoon, and we won't be able to do both.

Partner and I are baffled. Input was sought to avoid this exact scenario; we literally cannot attend their family event because we'll be setting up our family event at another location.

I wrote to explain that we did the early recon and planning with them so that we could avoid scheduling issues. I tried to highlight that we couldn't attend this if we wanted to, and the whole thing was rather confusing and hurtful. I threw an afterthought message of "But anyway, what's done is done and there's no fix at this point. If you're coming to the bday party, I guess we'll just see you there."

Sister says she did not intend to offend or disrespect, but that she always does a Father's Day event, and her kids would be upset if they did not. She says she is sorry if offense was taken & that 'I think we misunderstood each other because I never intended that we weren't celebrating Father's day, just that we could do both."

I took issue with that and responded that she misunderstood or didn't communicate, because I specifically sought clearance to plan for this day, and if there was already a plan it should've been communicated then so we could reschedule. I finished this msg asking for accountability.

At this point my brother says he and his wife are also planning it, and "sorry if you're offended but NOT sorry that we are planning said brunch." Sister then says she's fine with her accountability, and again, sorry if I'm upset. She says "I did not understand that you meant the rest of my day wasn't free to myself."

Partner says it is just a confusing surprise "not to be involved in any of the planning" when we tried to preemptively avoid this problem. Sister here says that she doesn't see the problem with doing both, so "I'm a little confused about the drama. No disrespect was intended."

At this point I kinda blew up & finished with: "Ignorant. Obtuse. Insensitive. Call it what you will." My brother and sister left the group chat, and i feel like years of growth & connection just got torpedoed. FYI - first time posting & heavily redacted to meet max character count.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

RB1327 said:

YTA. You thought everyone was clearing the entire 24 hours of Father's Day for your baby's party? Or you thought everyone was going to celebrate Father's Day at your baby's party?

Either way you suck, but this seems more like miscommunication that you've blown up into nuclear war. And you seem to have really ignored how ambivalent (probably straight-up disinterested) the extended family was about a 1-year-old's birthday.

Apart-Ad-6518 said:

YTA. "I think we misunderstood each other because i never intended that we weren't celebrating Father's day, just that we could do both." So sister explains in a nice & reasonable way.

"At this point I kinda blew up & finished with: 'Ignorant. Obtuse. Insensitive. Call it what you will." You do realize that those words describe you in this instance? "My brother and sister left the group chat, and i feel like years of growth&connection just got torpedoed." It'll be totally your fault if it is.

tmbourg1980 said:

YTA. Expecting everyone to clear out the entire day for you is selfish. The baby isn’t aware it’s their birthday, the parents are the only ones that care

Competitive_Delay865 said:

YTA, they are all available for your party, no one involved you in the fathers day planning because they were taking you party planning and setting up into consideration. Just because you have a parry in the afternoon, doesn't mean they can't have another event in the morning, it's father's day and they are allowed to celebrate.

Recent_Nebula_9772 said:

YTA They do a brunch every year. It's their thing. Everyone still plans on coming to your party. Apparently everyone but you knew that.

PotentialAd6809 said:

YTA. It sounds like a miscommunication on your end. When you asked about scheduling conflicts, they probably thought you were asking whether they would be able to make the baby's bday party on that day, not whether anything else at all would be planned. (i.e. asking about their availability rather than yours.)

When you asked initially, you should've specified that you wouldn't be able to attend anything else that day. The miscommunication itself isn't a big deal, but the blow up is wild. It's fair to be hurt or frustrated by something like this, but it sounds like you blew it way out of proportion. They probably should have asked before finalizing a plan, but your response was still unwarranted.

Sources: Reddit
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