'AITA for starting a fight because my boyfriend never compliments my food?' 'He ALWAYS praises takeout.'

"AITA for starting a fight because my boyfriend never compliments my food unprompted, but always praises takeout?"

My boyfriend (31M) and I (25F) have been together for five years and live together. I cook for us almost every day. I put a lot of time, care, and effort into making meals from scratch, and I know my food tastes good.

What bothers me is that he never compliments my cooking unless I ask him directly how it tastes. When I do ask, he says it’s good, but he never volunteers that on his own. On the other hand, whenever he eats takeout or food he gets for free at work, he reacts immediately. He’ll take a bite and say things like “Mmm” or “This is really good” without anyone asking.

I’ve asked him many times over the years why he reacts so differently. He says something like “I don’t expect takeout to be good, but I have higher standards for your food." But that doesn’t make much sense to me. I don’t understand why he wouldn’t expect restaurant food to be decent, and if he enjoys what I cook, why doesn’t he show it.

This came to a head recently. Yesterday, I made a meal from scratch and as usual, he ate it silently and only said it was good after I asked. Then today, we had a meal he brought from work and immediately reacted with an enthusiastic “Mmm.” That hit a nerve. I started asking about it and as soon as I heard the usual gaslighting, I blew up.

We ended up having a huuuge fight. He ended up throwing away the food from work and saying he doesn’t want “that” food anymore. I was angry and upset that something I put so much love and energy into always feels overlooked.

During the argument, after he realized I wasn’t easing up, he said, “What do you want to hear from me? I don’t know what to say,” and “I genuinely don’t know why I forget to compliment your food” he said he tries his best to compliment my food more.

But it just made me more mad, bc why does he have to try so hard? I told him I don’t want forced compliments, I just want him to be honest. If he likes it, I want him to show that naturally, like he does with other food. If he doesn’t like it, I’d rather know even though that would sting.

He acted and looked all hurt, like a wounded dog, as if I’m in the wrong and then left for work. While he was leaving, I told him that he can stay there as long as he wants...now I’m wondering if I overreacted. I don’t understand if it’s normal to expect a praise after every meal or am I too needy? Should I expect an apology from him?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

General_Relative2838 said:

NTA. Every night when my family sat down to dinner, my father would compliment my mother on the meal, no matter what it was. My mother later told me how much it meant that my father appreciated the time and energy she put into preparing meals. My mother is a wonderful cook, but sometimes dinner was simple like hotdogs and beans.

It’s just courtesy to tell someone what they fixed tastes good. A partner appreciates the work the other has put into what they do. To compliment takeout while remaining silent over homemade meals is insulting and rude. NTA.

After_Visit631 said:

Why are you putting so much effort into something that you feel isn't being appreciated? Does your boyfriend cook? I'd choose simple/low energy recipes if I felt my effort wasn't appreciated.

xarajaz said:

NTA. There's something weird going on here. If he doesn't like your food, then he shouldn't say he does when you ask. But his explanation makes it sound like he expects your food and appreciates food he gets from elsewhere, which is a problem.

ConflictGullible392 said:

You do want forced compliments though. Being neutral and saying nothing is his honest reaction. Cook for him either a) because you enjoy it or b) because you’ve mutually determined it’s your fair share of the household labor, and he is doing his fair share as well. If neither of those things are true, don’t cook for him. Not something to start a fight over. YTA.

MadM00NIE said:

NTA. Cooking for an unappreciative man is adding to the repetitive hell of having to plan and buy and cook every single day ESPECIALLY when he doesn’t cook for you and has come to expect that from you like that’s your responsibility.

Sea_Performance_3686 said:

NTA. He knows by now you like compliments and is not doing anything about it. He also does know how to compliment food. This is probably also more about you wanting to be appreciated for cooking.

Tell him you need to feel appreciated and currently you don’t feel that way. If he cannot meet your needs then you will stop cooking for him as this is hurting you a lot and causing too much tension.