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Years after tragedy brought them together, widowed Marine realizes he has fallen in love with 'platonic' wife. UPDATED 7X

Years after tragedy brought them together, widowed Marine realizes he has fallen in love with 'platonic' wife. UPDATED 7X

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"I'm (28/m) starting to fall for my (24/f) 'wife' and am unsure how to proceed."

This is all a very complicated and sad situation. About four years ago my wife and partner of 8 years passed away due to complications after the birth (very rare) of our second son. I was deployed at the time, and completely devastated.

After flying home I felt that nothing would make me happy again. My sons are great (now 6 and 4), but overwhelming, so I asked a sister of one of my Marine buddies, Cass, to help out.

She had been friends with my wife, but not great friends, and she agreed in exchange for a place to stay. At the time, Cass was only 20 years old and in quite a bit of courtesy of her extremely abusive ex-boyfriend, who she had finally left about 3 months earlier.

During the first few weeks of her helping out with the boys, she asked to borrow money to see a doctor due to shaking hands (no insurance). I happily obliged. She was an angel: doing all of the cooking and cleaning and keeping my young family together.

It turned out that she had developed some sort of neurological disorder, probably brought on by repeated abuse. At the time, it seemed simple: I had good insurance; she needed healthcare. I never thought I'd be able to move on from my wife and she was afraid of intimacy.

I agreed that I would marry her, but keep our platonic relationship. She promised not to burden me with her debt, and we had a prenuptial agreement and all. I know that this is 'fraud' of the government, hence the throwaway, but we were both so damaged and needed somebody, even if not intimately.

The past three years have been about as good as expected, if not better. Cass is great, better than great. She keeps the house spotless, has food ready every night when I get home, and has been working overnights as a baker and almost has her debt paid off.

Her condition has improved greatly, also, due to the great medical care she was able to receive. With the boys, she is a saint. She tells them about their mother, shows them pictures, takes the places for fun, and even taught them how to read (of course the six year old just finished kindergarten, but my 4 year old is going to be the smartest kid in his class next year!).

Sometimes the four year old calls her 'mommy' but she 'shhs' him and reminds him that her name is 'Cass' and that mommy is the angel whose picture is above the fireplace. Once her debt is fully paid off, the kids are in school, and she saves up a bit of money, she is going to go into a nursing program.

Our relationship: still platonic, but very caring. I've cried on her shoulders more times than I can count, and she's done the same. One night I was very stressed out, and yelled at her about something pretty inconsequential (she had taken my sons to see Santa without me).

She, of course, became quite frightened, but we worked it out and I even offered to pay for her to see a counselor (she didn't). That was two years ago, and we have had little fights ever since, but have been able to work through them. She seems to understand me whenever I'm hurt, upset, or angry, and is calming in a way that I can't explain...

The problem is that I think I might be falling for her. I've been noticing little things: her scent, her smile, her laugh. The way she smiles with her eyes when she sees me, how much my boys love her. Not to mention that she's gorgeous, hardworking, and one of the strongest people i've ever encountered.

A few nights ago I almost kissed her after we had put the boys to bed, and her hugs goodbye have started lasting a little bit longer. The other day she was taking a nap in my bed (she was washing her sheets), and I wanted to join her. Not have relations with her, just lay with her and hold and kiss her.

I don't know what to do, or how to even bring this up. It's been four years since my wife died. I can only think of a quote from a Song of Fire and Ice books, in which a character says that 'When the sun has set, no candle can replace it.' meaning that since his true love has died, nobody could replace him.

That's how I used to feel, but... there have been days where my thoughts have been occupied with Cass, and I haven't even thought about my wife. I feel bad about it, and I still miss her, but I never thought that I'd be able to 'move on.' I feel guilty and disloyal.

At the same time, I want her. Not just sexually or physically, I want to be romantically intimate with her, not just as friends. I don't know how to bring it up. I don't want to scare her or make her uncomfortable.

But this is becoming more difficult than I could have ever imagined. I was thinking about asking her to get dinner, just the two of us, and bringing it up. But whatif she refuses? How can I gauge her interest?

If it means anything, the other day she was having a hard time with the boys (they were restless and being our of hand), so I brought her home some of her favorite flowers. She was extremely giddy and gave me another lasting hug and a quick kiss on the lips. I was taken aback, but she pranced around, finishing dinner and putting the flowers in a vase. WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?

Almost immediately, the OP anxiously returned.

Eff it! It's been an hour on here and you've convinced me to tell her. I've called her favorite fancy restaurant and made a reservation. Her brother agreed to babysit, and let her/ me stay at his place tonight if she isn't into it/ feels uncomfortable.

She paid off her debt this morning (apparently, she just texted me a picture of the check), and next week is our three year anniversary, so that is the prelude. i'm going to tell her at dessert. I'm impossibly nervous.

Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's initial posts:

jsh1138

So you have feelings for the woman you're legally married to, and live with, who takes care of your kids? That sounds like a good thing to me man. Jus talk to her and see if she feels the same!

I hope it ends well. This could be the storyline to a good romantic movie.

Look, you need to think of it this way:

The status quo, its over. Whatever happens with you and her, you can;t keep on as it is with you having those feelings. Equally, she won't want to be stand-in-wife forever. She will want to have relationships etc. They might be with you, they might be with others. It was never goign to go on in this 'marriage of conveniance' forever.

That means there is literally no downside to telling her how you feel. Also having a new partner does not mean replacing your first wife. It really doesn't. The new person in your life is a fresh thing, it does not threaten how much you loved your wife. You have to trust me on that one. Right now, the best thing is to be honest.

A nail biting ten hours later, the OP returned.

EVERYTHING WENT AMAZING! JUST GOT HOME. LOVE THE INTERNET! :) Will update tomorrow. Time to go make out with my wife! :)

Then, the next morning, the OP returned with a full update.

Last night was hectic as all heck at first. Our younger son had eaten, what he calls, a "a giant fuzzy spider" and Cass wanted tot take him to the hospital, even though he was fine.

Her brother (we'll call him Joe), told her that he'd take care of it, and basically forced her out of the house to 'celebrate getting out of debt.' She really didn't seem like she wanted to go. At all. I became effing nervous.

So we got to the restaurant pretty early, but luckily they had a table. She ordered wine, which was odd, because she hasn't drank much since she broke up with her ex, but I figured it was a time to celebrate. We made small talk for a while, but it seemed forced, and I knew that I had to tell her soon.

So, before the entrees even came I said that I had something to talk to her about. She didn't smile and told me that 'she knew, Joe told her.' And my goddamn heart almost stopped. That effer.

I hurridly told her that I was so sorry, I didn't want her to find out that way, I wanted to tell her myself. She shook her said, frowned, and said that it was okay, she just wanted me to be happy and that I deserved it.

I told her that I didn't want to stress her out or make her uncomfortable, but I just needed to tell her, and see how she felt, and that it was completely up to her. She gave me a look and said that it actually was up to me, and just to do what made me happy.

She said that she was probably going to move out after her program ended, and promised to stay out of the way until then. It was then that I realized something was a bit off, and asked wtf Joe had told her.

She said that he told her I wanted to take her out to dinner to tell her that I had started developing feelings for a girl, and wanted to ask Cass if it would be okay if I asked this girl out. It was then I realized that Joe had set me up for the most climactic pick up line ever to exist.

Our entrees came (I had shrimp and pesto gnocchi, and she had crab legs for you detail lovers), and I explained that, yes I had started developing feelings for a girl, I just didn't want it to mess up what we had.

She said that it wouldn't mess anything up, she still loved the boys and would take care of them and the house. I continued to then explain that I wasn't going to ask the girl on a date, though, and she asked, incredulously, why not.

Then I dropped my smoothest line I've ever dropped. "Because I'm already on a date with her." Right? Thanks Joe, because he must know about your planned movie and really wanted that line.

She gave me this look that she gives my sons when they tell her things like 'I'm going to the mall by myself' or 'I have a girlfriend named Tammy.' Then she looked away, smiled and shook her head and asked 'really?'

I nodded and told her that I cared about her more than anybody else alive (other than my sons), that I loved our family, and that I had fallen in love with her. She then took a drink of wine, rolled her eyes, and said 'about effing time, Alex.' And I'll never forget what happened next.

Maybe it was a faux pas, but I leaned across the table and kissed her... spilling her wine. But neither of us cared and we kissed for about a minute, before she told me to get off her before her crab legs got cold (this was joking, but not. you'd have to know her).

After leaving the restaurant we got ice cream and sat around and kissed some more, before heading home. Joe was sitting on our couch watching one of those VH1 dating shows with a sh!+ eating grin on his face, and Cass ran in, screaming at him that he ruined everything and that she was going to have to move in with mom now.

We let him believe it for about 5 seconds before bursting into laughter. He shook my hand and told me that the boys were sleeping and left. I picked Cass up and kissed her and carried her to my room where we...welll...made out for like two hours and snuggled the bejesus out of each other. (She isn't ready for anything else yet, but emphasized yet. I'll give her all the time in the world).

At one point the youngest son came in because of a nightmare, and brought his dog (a golden retriever puppy) and claimed that 'the doggy was scared' so we, of course, let him in.

I woke up early to make everyone breakfast (and of course, deliver), and am about to go and kiss my wife goodbye, and ask my boss for the second part of the day off so that I can spend more time with her while the boys are at school, preschool. (I'm really sorry I haven't replied to everything... I was a little busy, but thank you all for the support)

Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's update:

Joe - wingman of the century

I think my favorite line in the whole story is "About effing time, Alex."

Be sure that one is in the story.

Not to be a negative Nancy, but please make sure to not completely change the way you interact with her from now on. Remember, she developed feelings for you by how you treated her before. Don't start acting like an actor in a romantic comedy every day professing your love.

Even though you're married, you just started dating yesterday. You should treat it like that as best you can. If you don' and you lay it on too thick, you're going to post an update in a few months about how she needed space and moved out.

Oh my god this makes me unbelievably happy. As an Australian, I feel like I won the 'read the update' race! I'm so happy for you!

Two days later, the OP returned with another update.

My wife and I are doing fine...but I'm still unsure how to provide proof. I've lost the receipt for the restaurant and didn't pay with a card, and won't post pictures for obvious reasons (such as years of defrauding the government).

But I will deliver and find a way. I promise, as a man of my word. Haven't I always delivered so far? And to those of you who are talking about a 'second wedding ceremony:' we just kissed for the first time two nights ago. Overly attached reddit? :)

Finally, thank you to whoever gave me gold, I spent about $25 last night buying Joe beers. But next time, please use that money for real good. Take a vet to lunch, learn CPR, I don't know. But again, many thanks to you.

I promise I'll update again in the future, but don't be angry if it isn't very often. I've been a little... busier than normal.

Cheers.

Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's update:

I say don't worry about proof! It's one of those stories that needs to exist and one that we all want to exist, a little glimmer of something truly beautiful in the world. This may not be the outcome reddit wants, but it is the outcome reddit needs.

bro i dont care if this is fake, ( and I don't think it is) so happy for you! I married my best friend; looks like you did too.

Don't sweat it too much about verification, man. This is fantastic, what's happening in your family right now. I wouldn't want you to blow it with the whole government thing by your revealing too much of your identity on the Internet. Nevertheless, don't leave us hanging for too long ;)

In all seriousness, congratulations. I wish you, Cass and your boys the best and come what may, love reigns supreme. And effin' Joe, man. Incredible setup. And you capitalized perfectly. Seriously gave me a perma-shizz-eating grin =)

True to his word, the OP again returned two months later.

Apparently I can't post this as an update because of some rule... it's fine. I'd advise anybody to look through my past submissions (I don't think i can post them on here) if you are interested in what happened about a month ago. But apparently this is a different issue.

Things were going very well except I started developing feelings for her. I was afraid of scaring her, or making her feel unsafe, but reddit convinced me to take the plunge. Now I'm happily dating my wife.

Hey everybody! i hope your workday is going well. My day has been crazy. Everything has been going wonderfully lately, though. It was somewhat strange at first explaining it to our friends and family, but most of them had already caught on... including my sons, who act as if nothing has changed. I'm pretty sure the little effs knew the entire time.

Anyway, last night I came home and Cass was out of it. Dinner was burnt (which is no big deal, I can't really cook well or anything, but it's out of character), and she was drinking (lightly, only one or two glasses of wine).

I asked her what was wrong, obviously I was concerned, and she told me that her ex-boyfriend (MONSTER, 30, male) got parole last week. I was flabbergasted, since she should have been able to tesify at his parole hearing I believe.

Apparently the crime that he was incarcerated for was unrelated to the abuse (which I had always assumed was the reason), but Cass had been (1) assured it would put him away for a decade at least and (2) had been far too afraid to testify against him or press charges.

Apparently he'd been arrested for this felony, and when he was being held, he asked her to post bail, but instead she asked my first wife for help moving out and moving on.

I don't know what to do, I don't think that we have any legal ways to put him back into prison. She knows that she should have gone to the police and is guilt ridden and upset about it now.

I know that she's going to be safe, because if he tries to even contact her, I'll take a legal recourse of action to make sure that he doesn't so much as touch her. I've taken off work today, but promised that even when I go back, I'll have my buddies stopping by throughout the day.

But I don't know how to make her feel safe. I've contacted my lawyer about filing a restraining order, and he said it shouldn't be too hard, but she's a mess. I just don't know how to make her believe that she is. I doubt this POS will come around, but I know what I'm going to do if he tries.

Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's update:

The restraining order should help. Otherwise, just continue to be there for her, and try your best to provide security. Also, drop the tough talk about "he's dead" if he touches her. You're no good to her or you kids in jail. Get the restraining order in place. If he contacts her in violation of the TRO, his ass will be back in jail where it belongs.

You should urge her to get a protection order against him. They are free and he won't be able to gain her address or any information from it to contact her. Most courts will also have victim advocates there to help fill out the paperwork & be someone they could talk to.

If she has the order of protection, all she has to do is call the police &/ or file a contempt in civil court (where she got the p.o. from) and he can end up right back in jail.

bahhamburger

My heart dropped because I remembered your other posts and I thought you were going to say it didn't work out in the end...Maybe prison time has done him some good?

We then heard nothing from the OP until a year and a half later.

I first of all would like to apologize for not keeping you guys updated--I've honestly just been pretty occupied with life lately and last night I had trouble sleeping. I was just browsing the internet when an article came up about reddit and I thought, I wonder how those nice people are doing. Then I signed in an realized that a lot of you really care about how my life is going with Cass.

The answer is pretty well now. Things got tough for a while when her ex was released from prison last year, though. She was so afraid that he'd contact her...until he did. I remember that night like it was five minutes ago.

Somebody rang our doorbell and the oldest son answered. He asked for Cass. She told the boys to go upstairs and gave me a look and I knew. But she didn't look scared. The lowlife apologized and begged for forgiveness and asked for a second chance.

She was so brave. I wanted to kill him but she told him no and asked him to leave. He did, and he tried to contact her a few more times before we got an order of protection against him.

Last I heard he moved upstate to live with his dad, or something. Around this time her brother Joe also got into a really bad car accident and ended up having to move in with us for a while. He's a great guy and one of my best friends, so we didn't mind, but it was a stressful time.

About seven (or eight?) months ago we finally, ahem. Consummated our marriage I guess you can say. The boys are doing great and are really happy. Cass got a pretty good job (although I think she's working too much overtime!) and loves it.

We're expecting our first child in February and couldn't be more excited. You could say that life is pretty good. I'll be around for another few hours if you guys have any questions.

Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's update:

Your post was the entire reason I joined this sub. The first time I read it I was grinning like an idiot for a solid half hour, I was so happy for you. I'm glad things are going well and that douche canoe of an ex is out of the picture for good. Congrats on the upcoming baby too.

(OP)

Thanks! yeah, we're all glad he's gone. And we're all super excited about the baby as well--if anything so that Cass doesn't have to be pregnant anymore!

The best story on the internet continues! In 19 years we'll be seeing updates "Hi reddit just wanted you to know we just sent our kids off to college! Everything is great!" :)

Roughly six months later, the OP returned with their final update.

It's a girl! Technically she was born early March, but I didn't want to make the title "It WAS a girl." Sorry for not updating; it was a pretty rough pregnancy (and Cass has put her foot down about wanting more--I guess three is enough), but everything turned out great!

Little Therese was 21" and 9 pounds at birth, and as bald as I am! She's way easier than the boys were, she hardly ever cries and is the most photogenic baby ever!! Our youngest son is completely smitten, and always tries to "help"--it's less cute than you think.

Joe is also doing okay. His back is still bothering him but he's dating a girl who actually went to my high school (two years younger than me, though). He's pretty happy with her, and we're all very happy for him. Other than new fatherhood, not much to update! I'm home watching the baby today while Cass it out, so I should be around for a while!

Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's final post:

Not going to lie. This is one of my favorite stories of all time.

FleeshaLoo

What a beautiful story of tragedies combining to create happiness for all! I'm so glad they found each other and that the boys are so happy and loved.

Excellent! Like so many other folks here, I've been following your post in the past year. The way you and Cass were thrown together by circumstances seem like the universe did it on purpose, very touching to all of us. Congratulations to you and your wife with new daughter and wishing your family good health.

So, what do you think about this one? If you could give the OP any advice here, what would you tell them?

Sources: Reddit,Reddit,Reddit,Reddit,Reddit,Reddit,Reddit
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