Stay-at-home mom refuses to let MIL who lives next door come over to see baby, 'she misses him.' AITA?
"AITA for refusing to let my MIL in my house to see my son?"
My husband Jared and I have a 6 month old son we will call Jed. I’m a SAHM and my MIL, Susan, lives next door to us. She just moved next door to us a couple months ago (it’s not like we could stop her) so this didn’t happen during our sons early months.
Since she moved here she has taken to just showing up at the door to see Jed and continuously knocking since she knows I’m home until I open. It’s a real problem when I am trying to put Jed down for a nap or feed him or nap myself etc and she has woken him up multiple times. My dog doesn’t bark but starts pacing and whines the entire time from excitement/anxiety until she leaves or I open the door.
Susan showed up two weeks ago knocking after I told her the day before that Jed was teething and sleeping terribly. She came right as I had gotten him to sleep and woke him up. I told her at the door it’s not a good time and she said she’ll come back later, I told her to please text me so I can make sure he’s awake first.
It took two hours to get Jed back to sleep and she comes over ten minutes after I get him down without texting me and wakes him up AGAIN. I didn’t answer the door. I have a ring camera and she stood there for FIFTEEN minutes knocking every few minutes or so. After fifteen minutes she finally texted me saying she’s here to see Jed. I texted her back saying he’s sleeping and I will let her know when she can come see him and then she finally left.
When Jared got home and I told him everything and he went to talk to Susan and told her she needs to text me asking if the time works before just showing up as she keeps waking up Jed. She said she understood and would only come over when she knows he awake. He told her to only come over when I say it’s okay.
Susan has now taken to standing outside our front door and listening to see if she can hear Jed (it’s a small old house so if he’s baby talking or crying you can usually hear it). If she can, she’ll knock and stay knocking until I answer. I’ve taken to just ignoring her and taking Jed and my dog into the backyard or as far from the front door as I can get and playing until she gives up and I see her leave on the camera. I told my husband and he agrees with me not letting her in unless she texts me first regardless of whether Jed is awake or not.
My father in law Grant (who is divorced from Susan) texted me and Jared yesterday about how she is hurt and how we are being cruel by ignoring her and how she’s always wanted to be a grandma and she deserves an opportunity to bond with her grandson. She hasn’t seen him in over a week (we were out of town over the weekend) and made a Facebook post about how much she misses him.
Susan’s siblings were commenting about why she can’t see him being next door and she said we weren’t allowing her too “for no reason." Between Grant and Aunts/Uncles I am beginning to feel like an AH but I’m not sure that I am one. Jared did text his dad back explaining but Grant said that we are being petty.
EDIT:
Quite a few people have told me to get a sound machine so thought I’d say we do have a white noise machine we use when he’s sleeping but he is just a light sleeper. Plus we have single plane windows.
A lot of people also telling me to just let her watch him when she wants and then have time to myself but she is not a trustworthy caretaker. We will not allow her to watch him unsupervised.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
FlyGuy1922 said:
NTA. Move. Honestly this is never going to get better until your MIL realises that she needs to wait. Be firm and tell her you will not be letting her in at all if this carries on. You can’t live like this.
Ok_Conversation9750 said:
NTA. How about when Jed is awake at 2:00 in the morning, refusing to let anyone else sleep, you could go knock, knock, knock on Susan's door to let her know he's awake now!
Separate_Security472 said:
Nta. This is insane. She is keeping your son from getting sleep. All she has to do is text, it's a ridiculously simple ask. Keep enforcing those boundaries, you got this!
Silaquix said:
NTA but absolutely clear it up so she can't twist the narrative. She's being stalker level crazy. Tell them you have videos of her just standing outside your home until she hears something and then her knocking for upwards of 15 minutes.
Explain that you have a teething baby who's not able to sleep because stalker grandma knocks all the time and won't respect boundaries. Tell them that you have not banned her from seeing her grandson, only that you told her she's not allowed over unless she texts you and you say it's a good time. She has yet to respect you and your husband's boundaries so you're not letting her in while you try to take care of your son.
Honestly just stating you have videos of her literally lurking outside your home and then pouncing on your door for 15 minutes at a time will make any sane person think your MIL was off her rocker.
TossingPasta said:
NTA but I think both you and Jared need to sit down with Susan and say "I do not know all the reasons for you moving into the house next door, and I hope you had more reasons than expecting to see my child every day because if that is the case, then you should have asked us how we feel about that.
Because my bottom line is I am not living my life to make you happy, and I have absolutely no intention of having you visit every day. I have my own routines, Jed has his own routines, and you interrupting us every damn day is just too much." And then Jared needs to back you up.
"Mom, when I get home from work and OP, Jed, and I have had a chance to have dinner and complete our day, if it works for us to have you visit, I will text you. Outside of that you need to leave my wife and child alone during the day. Like OP said, we hope that you didn't move here solely because you thought you would be interacting with our child every day. We are not changing our lives to make you happy."
BagOfSmallerBags said:
NTA. It's your own damn house and your own damn son. You gave her clear boundaries which she refused to follow. You and your husband should give her an ultimatum- respect your boundaries or never see her grandson.