Stay-at-home wife demands $6K/month while husband's business struggles, 'that's you're problem.' AITA?
"AITA? Stay-at-home wife mad as hell. Reason not obvious to me."
Back story. Been together for 14 years married 12. Of that my wife only worked 3 for someone else and then until Covid she worked for my business. Start of Covid she decided to stop and homeschool our kids. Now 10 and 12.
We have a cleaning lady twice a week and she handles the rest. They have since gone back to school. But she has not gone back to work in 2 years. She’s “trying to find her passion”. Meanwhile kids in private school.
I pay all the bills. She insisted she pay for the kids activities and groceries out of the joint account. We constantly fought about how she was spending money. So now I have to give her $1500 a week. And basically cannot question how it gets spent.
With the taffies business has slowed down and I told her we cannot keep going like this and must look at our budget. She says that’s my problem and I cannot give her any less money as that’s her and the kids basic needs and whatever I have to do is my responsibility.
She refuses to work as she has to pick up the kids at 2:45 and doesn’t want a boss. She won’t help out at my business because she says she doesn’t like how it’s ran and I have a business partner that owns 20%. So therefore she feels, she’ll work for them and doesn’t want a boss.
This weekend was the tipping point. She went to yoga and I let the kids play and I took A nap. The kids got some stuff out of the garage looking for something and didn’t put it back.
Our cleaning lady cleaned the house Friday. So it’s still really clean. She stormed in screaming at the top of her lungs that the kids destroyed the garage and I need to go fix it now.
I got the kids to show me what happened and all that was left when I got there was a box and some bubble mix spilled. We cleaned it up. I head back to our bed room to talk to her in the shower.
When I get there the made bed that I just got off was striped bare. And we have tons of pillows. A duvet and the comforter. She said the bed looked messy and I should have made it right. I did say FU it was fine it’s Saturday and all it needed was fluff the top as I was laying on it.
She went off the rails. I told her to F off and slammed the door. I told the kids we were going out for a late lunch and we left. The rest of the day was her blowing up mine and my son’s phone that we have to come home and clean up. Mind you house is like a magazine shoot.
We stayed out for a few hours. And when we get home she’s still going on. She ended up sleeping in my daughter’s room. My son and daughter go to the same school so we leave a 6:45 am. I wake them up at 6. And she says our daughter was up all night crying and is not going to school. So I take my son to school and go to work.
She just texted me this is all my fault and I should come home. I still cannot even comprehend what happened. She’s been difficult before but this is new. And completely blindsided me. She is OCD clean. But this is not new and I deal with it.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
You know you don’t have to stay in a toxic marriage right? The child support you pay will still be less than the bills you’re paying now.
1000% this!!! I'm a woman and I approve this message. She's got it gooooooood, I mean reallllyyyyy gooood....She has no idea how lucky she is to have everything she has.... Tell her to quit complaining, or get a job.
And take her 1500.00 a week allowance away. You pay those bills from now on....she doesn't work, so she doesn't need 6k a month....I'll marry you, take care of the kids, clean the house, and I wouldn't complain about ANYYYYTTTHHHIIINNNGGG!!!!! Scouts Honor!
What the hell is she spending $1.5k on each week?
Sounds like she is saving her own nest egg for when you guys divorce.
NTA - no offense but your wife sounds like a nightmare and seems to treat you like an ATM.
Buddy your marriage is grossly toxic and she is at the very least taking advantage of you financially. My recommendation? Pay everything yourself instead of giving her money. If she wants spending money, tell her to get a part time job to earn it while she “finds her passion”.
If she doesn’t like this, next step is marriage counseling. If she isn’t open to that, it’s time to consider walking away. Because this is not healthy and it will have a negative impact on your kids if it goes on.
I’m a mom and a wife and she seems super delusional.. why don’t you pay for the kids’ activities etc. so you no longer have to give her any money and tell her her needs need to be taken care of herself since it’s not in the budget anymore. Like… she needs to touch some grass or something.
She is abusing you financially, verbally, and emotionally. Do you want your kids growing up thinking this is how people who love each other treat one another?
Directly pay necessary expenses and kids bills yourself. Cancel the cleaner. Tell her if she’s at home doing next to nothing she can be responsible for the house. If she gets a job you’ll get a cleaner again.
She is majorly taking the piss out of you. She doesn’t respect you. Stop giving her an absurd amount of handouts. You’re doing way too much and getting nothing in return. Relationships are give and take - there is a balance. Right now you’re carrying the weight of everything yourself and on top of that she is WHINING.
Change things up and see how she handles it. If she continues being a spoilt brat and nasty to you it’ll be her fault when you leave her. Also, her work doesn’t need to be her ‘passion’ she can get a normal job and do her hobbies on the side like most people. Done.