'AITA for staying at the family holiday instead of leaving when my boyfriend left?'

"AITA for staying at the family holiday instead of leaving when my boyfriend left?"

I (27F) took my boyfriend of a year and a half (27M) on my annual family trip to my Grandparents Cabin. We've been doing this my entire life, for two weeks we go up there and fish, hike, hunt, forage and basically unplug from our lives back home. I love it and it's the highlight of my year.

My boyfriend expressed interest in going with me this year as he'd not be able to see or talk to me during those two weeks, we'd been dating last year when I went on this but not long enough for me to consider inviting him along. I won't lie, I was hesitant to agree. I warned him what it involves.

That there is no TV, No Wifi, hell you can rarely get a signal for your phone out there. I told him if he came he'd have to bring books or something to occupy himself with in case he didn't want to do the activity of the day.

He told me he'd be fine and I took him at his word. The whole family was happy to have him there, my grandparents, parents, my brothers, their partners and kids. Even my aunt and cousins popped round for part of the trip. I had pushed aside my anxiety over him coming and was excited for him to see this part of my life.

He did try to enjoy it but it was clear he was miserable. The only thing he liked was swimming and most days the water was too cold to do that for long. After five days he told me he wanted to go home and I respected that, hell the rest of my family let him know he'd done well and there was no hard feelings.

I drove him to the bus stop in the nearest town and told him I'd wait with him till the bus came. He was confused about this he seemed to assume I'd be going back with him and I explained that no I wasn't that I'd see him when I got home and we'd do something he'd enjoy. He seemed a bit sullen but at the time I put that down to perhaps he was embarrassed he was dipping.

When I got home yesterday I reached out to him and my calls were ignored, I thought something was wrong so I drove to his and when he answered the door he told me he was upset I'd let him go home alone and that as his girlfriend I should have came back with him.

I was startled by this and asked why I'd come home when he knows I look forward to this every year? He told me it was the principle of the thing that I shouldn't have stayed when he didn't, then asked me if we got married one day would I keep doing this and leaving him behind when he doesn't like it?

I told him I didn't get what the big deal was that it was ok we didn't like all the same things but he doesn't seem to feel that way. I don't know, I just feel conflicted. Was it really that big a deal for me to stay when he left?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

plm56 said:

NTA. So he: Couldn't handle being unplugged for one week, let alone two. Pouted when you didn't leave with him. Ignored your calls when you came home. Expects you to stay home and hold his widdle hand if you get married.

Big red flags. Tell him you will 100% continue going to these retreats when you are married, and if he's not mature enough to deal with that, it's probably best to cut your losses. Differing interests are healthy, as long as both parties are mature and secure enough to accept it.

theabsolutegayest said:

First things first, NTA, and I am side-eyeing the fuck out of your boyfriend. Why is it that you, and you alone, should sacrifice your happiness so he can maintain access to you? He can't tolerate five days of mild boredom, so you have to lose out on nine days of precious time with your family and go home with him?

His behavior is egregiously selfish. He thinks you should be so blindly attached to him that you'll abandon your family to follow him home because he's bored. Let me state that more plainly: he thinks he, as your boyfriend, should take higher priority than your entire extended family.

That's selfish, entitled, arrogant, and BS. I don't think you want be loved by a man who loves like this. I don't think you should commit loyalty to a man who defines it as blind obedience. If he wants a comforting companion who will follow him everywhere he goes, he can get a dog.

notastraycat said:

NTA, and now you know something important. He only cares about what he wants.

Competitive_Net_4578 said:

NTA and you should be wary of him trying to ruin things you enjoy

Humble-Macaron7768 said:

NTA. And this is your first sign to cut ties now. What future do you see with him? If he doesn't like something you can't do it? Your kids don't get to enjoy your family trips and traditions? He doesn't need to like it, but he won't let you enjoy it, like you're entitled to enjoy things with him.

Ok_Stable7501 said:

Did you try unplugging the boyfriend and plugging him back in? Maybe his attitude will improve after a hard reset. NTA.

Globaller said:

You're definitely NTA. It's a strike against him to expect you to have left with him and to be pissy towards you about it. You gave him a chance to join a family trip and he wanted to bail. You guys were nice about his departure so you and your family were doing everything right.