'AITA for stealing back Pokémon cards my fiancé's nephews took (and possibly taking extras)?'
"AITA for stealing back Pokémon cards my fiancé's nephews took (and possibly taking extras)?"
To set the background, I'm (29F), my fiancé is (31M), and I have three children (8F, 7F, 5M). Sometime last year my daughter Summer (the 8F) started collecting Pokémon cards that her bio-dad would gift her during visitation.
I haven't kept up with the fandom as I aged but collected coins as a kid and loved the idea of helping my daughter grow her collection. I have also supplemented the collection from lucky Goodwill finds. It is about 5 binders worth of cards, with cards from between 1995 to 2018 generally and some are very rare.
My SIL asked my fiancé if we could babysit her two sons Peter (8M) and Paul (7M) while out of town for the weekend as she has to pick up her husband's nephew for something. I was not keen on this for a few reasons, being:
Peter has to attend an alternative school for anger issues and outbursts, and though they have become less frequent I wouldn't know how to handle it if something happens.
Peter has had issues in the past with stealing money from my fiancé and I when we would leave cash out in our room. His mom would get defensive about it but $10 was never something I'd die on a hill for, so I'd usually drop it.
Peter has also tried stealing my daughter's Pokémon cards in the past or my DBZ cards. I took them back but it blemished my relationship with my SIL a tad.
Despite all this I hoped the weekend could go smoothly as she needed the help, so me and fiancé agreed.
However, last night while I was at work Summer called me and asked if she could 'give her Pokémon cards to Peter'. I could hear Peter whispering in the background. I was very clear in saying NO because I couldn't advise if there would be a fair trade or if he would take the more valuable cards. Later I asked my daughter if she really wanted to give him the cards and she said no.
This morning while tidying my daughter's room I saw all the Pokémon binders out. I had a bad feeling, opened them up, and discovered HALF THE COLLECTION missing. The binders were full but now there were empty pages and scattered cards missing.
I was pissed. I went to Peter's backpack and found some of my DBZ cards, my other daughter's full rock collection, and a massive plastic bag with a bunch of Pokémon cards dumped in.
I took everything back and sorted my daughter's cards from Peter's, though I was just going by the card's print dates as Peter only had cards from 2022 and beyond (so I thought). I put the sorted cards in a lunch box.
I told my fiancé at the time this, but Peter and Paul have noticed their card stash is much lighter and started whining in saying that their aunt gifted them some older cards that are missing.
I'm sick and tired of them thinking they can just steal whatever they want from our house. AITA for not giving them any cards back, even if some are actually theirs? I'm worried they'll complain to my SIL.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
NTA. Honestly, the petty in me says if you accidentally had a few of his cards, it’s karma for being a little terrorist. If he complains to his mom, I hope she lets him know these are the consequences of being that way, and hope he learns a lesson. If mom comes at you instead, it sounds like a perfect segway to the conversation regarding no future babysitting.
NTA but tell your SIL before they do! When there are conflicts among children, it's important for all the parents to work together on this. Just explain that they took tons of your kid's cards, and you did your best to recover the correct cards.
They are now claiming that you took some of theirs, but you don't believe them. And even if you did take a few by accident, that's a reasonable consequence for stealing. And then do not give in or negotiate. You were the parent in charge for the weekend, and you did your best. That's all there is to it.
Officer_mama2016 (OP)
In the past my SIL never really believed me when these issues were brought up, and when he'd get caught stealing money or cards, she'd seem upset that I was making it known or asking for it to be fixed. We've had other (non-major) issues before and I don't want to seem like there's always an issue with the kids. hhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
NTA. But seriously don’t let them come over.
NTA. You don’t know if they’re telling the truth anyway. But you do understand that you can’t have them in your home again or unsupervised with your daughter, right? It’s not fair to your children to let kids that pressure them & steal from them in their home. Your fiancé can see the kids at their house if he wants to help his sister again.
Officer_mama2016 (OP)
That's the problem, even if they say some of their cards are missing, I literally have no way of knowing. If they hadn't touched our binders it wouldn't have been an issue at all. Hell they could have nicked a few and I wouldn't have noticed or cared. But so many were gone and they just tossed them in a big ole bag. 😭
NTA. This isn't a court that needs to prove each distinct card that was stolen before it is reclaimed - this is a police situation where you caught a robber with a swag bag of stolen money and he claims some of it was his money mixed in. Too bad, all confiscated.
Don't let the kids be confused - there still needs to be a punishment, and the children shouldn't be allowed in your house again. Sometimes kids steal and they usually outgrow it - but only with consequences.
..stop letting THIEVES into your home. they are straight up THIEVES. if someone took any of MY cards, given how often I go through them(not often unless buying/adding new) this'd be my solution as well. NTA.