'AITA for stealing my friend's baby name?' 'I told her I wouldn't use them.'
"AITA for stealing my friend's baby name?"
I have a good friend. When I was pregnant with my first baby, she told me what her girl and boy names would be for her second child (she already had a boy), and I told her I wouldn't use them.
I ended up having a boy, obviously didn't use her boy name. Before I have birth, she got pregnant again with her second boy, and I completely forgot about the girl name after that because it wasn't relevant anymore (at that point she was only planning to have two kids).
3 years later, I've just had my second baby, a little girl. My friend moved overseas almost 2 years ago, and while we still talk, it's not like we used to. We decided on our baby's first and middle name around the halfway point in pregnancy again. Spoiler, the middle name we chose was my friend's girl name, but it had completely fallen off my radar that she'd liked it.
About a month before my second was born, my friend told me that her and her partner were tossing up having a third. Then a couple weeks later she told me they decided to try, but that she was having second thoughts still.
So now we've announced baby's arrival on socials, with her full name, and my friend is hurt that her middle name is her girl name. I don't think she believes me that I had completely forgotten about it being her girl name, but that's absolutely the case. AITA?
Later, OP edited the post to include:
Some people think I'm not being honest about forgetting, and that's fine. I had a really rough year in between when we'd spoken about her name preferences and me getting pregnant with this baby. For context, I had an ectopic pregnancy that was mislocated, saw the wrong tube removed, and left me infertile (this baby is through IVF).
I went through (and am still dealing with to an extent) pretty bad depression that turned my life upside down. I don't want to make excuses (as I type out an excuse, I know), but I feel like my brain's capacity to hold on to what was not really relevant information anymore was kind of shot.
As soon as she told me I'd used her preferred name, I searched through our messages and sure enough, there was one exchange discussing the name back in 2021. Again, it's fine if people don't believe me, I know that the truth is that I honestly completely forgot.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
gordonf23 said:
NTA. People are allowed to have the same name as other people. Even their friends. Even their family. You don't get to call dibs on a baby name and forbid other people from using it. It's not even her first name! It's her middle name! You did nothing wrong here. Your friend is crazy. She lives in another country, for Pete's sake!
StaticOwl9825 said:
NTA, first of all I just want to say I don't understand why people gatekeep names because there is usually hundreds of thousands, if not millions, with the same name so what does it matter if someone you know names their kid the same thing.
You were told that your friend was having two children, both of the same gender, meaning a different name for the opposite gender would be irrelevant. If you want to use the name go ahead and use it. Also, you said your friend moved overseas. If these two children have the same name, they most likely won't ever meet anyways.
Finally, I believe you mentioned the name was used as a middle name. Middle names are not what you call the child on a day to day basis. If my middle name was "Pepsi" for example nobody would call me "Pepsi." P.S. what right does a friend have in naming your child. They can name their children what they want, not yours.
sfzen said:
NTA. First, name your kid whatever you want. It doesn't matter if they have the same name as someone else. Second, you used it as a middle name, not a first. Even if you cared about your kid and your friend's hypothetical future kid sharing a name, they don't.
9smalltowngirl said:
NTA but I call bs on you completely forgot her name choices. Stop telling others your names people. Some people lack creativity and can’t think for themselves.
PerfectFeedback880 said:
NTA. The whole “you stole my wanted baby name” trope is just so damn stupid and childish. It’s a name. Millions of people all over the world share names. If she can’t get over it, she’s not a real friend.
hqubed said:
NTA Did your friend pay for exclusive rights to the name? No? Yeah, didn't think so. She is being more than a little silly to be hurt that you used it for your daughter's middle name.