'AITA for telling my stepdad’s babysitter’s husband that she's having an affair with my dad?'

"AITA for telling my dad’s babysitter’s husband that she’s sleeping with my dad?"

I (30F) have a step dad who has been my dad since I was 3. I have 15M, 13M, 10F, 10M, and 7F siblings. (5 total siblings). My mom and step dad are divorcing, for reasons that won’t be included here. My step dad and I used to be very close, typical father/daughter.

My step-dad has a babysitter - Rachel. She used to be my mom’s best friend. She and my mom are no longer friends. Rachel is married to Joe, who my step dad is friends with. Rachel has been our family friend for over 7 years, she even used to babysit my son when I lived in the same area as them. Rachel has two daughters with Joe the age of 8, and they regularly play with my sisters.

I found out last December my step dad was sleeping with Rachel, while she was still married. My siblings caught on and they are extremely uncomfortable with it since they know Rachel’s husband.

My siblings, especially my teen brothers, have texted me numerous times telling me how disgusting it is and how much they hate Rachel for getting involved with our dad. They say Rachel has been repeatedly trying to act like she’s their mom. My 15M brother told me that he can hear my stepdad and Rachel do the nasty and the younger kids can hear it too.

This is all in the middle of my parents’ divorce. The kids are dealing with huge transitions living in 2 houses. They are already not doing well emotionally, let alone adding my father having an affair with the babysitter.

So since my step-dad and I were close, I texted him and confronted him about what my siblings said. He got angry and blocked me. He said I’m not allowed to see the kids anymore (whereas before I would take them on weekend trips, have them overnight, and I was their emergency contact at school).

My step-dad has never had an issue with me until now. He told my siblings not to talk to me anymore, but they still call and text me every single day. A couple months pass, and recently I got a text from 15M brother.

He said he wants to tell Joe, Rachel’s husband, about the affair because my step-dad had Joe and Rachel over for dinner the other night, and my step-dad is still pretending to be friends with Joe, with Joe completely unaware of what’s going on.

My brother is also angry because our mother accused my step-dad of sending inappropriate texts to Rachel while they were still married. So now that my step-dad is in a relationship with Rachel, we are starting to wonder if our mom’s accusations are true.

Anyway my brother insisted on telling Joe. I told him not to, but he insisted he would. Being the older protective sister (and our dad is already mad at me), I offered to tell Joe myself if it would make my brother feel better. He said yes. So I texted Joe. AITA?

TL;DR: My stepdad is having an affair with the married babysitter (my mom’s ex-best friend). My younger siblings are disturbed by it and one begged me to tell her husband, so I did. Now I’m cut off from the family. AITA?

What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:

metsgirl289 said:

NTA. You’re an amazing sister for taking the heat so your stepdad doesn’t take it out on him. I’m really sorry this happened. I’m sure everyone has empathy for your mom and your siblings but I almost think you really got the worse part here. The man who is essentially your father turned himself into your enemy rather than accept responsibility for his own shitty decisions.

OP responded:

Thank you. I’m devastated I can’t see my siblings all the time.

AKlife420 said:

What did Joe say? I am now invested in this.

NTA, your step-dad is a liar and cheater and was probably sleeping with Rachel while still with your mom.

OP responded:

This is verbatim what Joe responded “Please mind your own business and let me take care of our business in peace. I don't think it's anyone else's place either so as the adult I hope you'll handle everything as an adult with minors. My girls don't need you talking about our family's business with everyone else. Thanks."

Similar_Corner8081 said:

NTA Your step dad and Rachel actually suck. Smiling in joes face while cheating on him. Cheaters deserve to be outed. I'm petty I would post int on fb and ig.

OP responded:

Trust me I want to, but I do not want to embarrass my siblings. I also don’t want anyone being able to use it against me as a reason for me not to see them because I plan on taking my dad to court for visitation rights. Could be seen as harassment.

Historical_Kick_3294 said:

Are you able to see your siblings when they’re with your mom? Surely she has some say over this.

OP responded:

My mother was a homemaker for 20 years. My step dad got a really good lawyer and has full custody. There’s more to the story. And my dad has decision making — he legally decides who gets to see the kids even in my mom’s parenting time. He’s restricted my access to them pending the divorce, in their temporary parenting plan.

oldcousingreg said:

NTA. Go to your mom together with the proof and explain how your STBX stepdad blocked you when you confronted him.

OP responded:

My mom knows everything now. She was incredibly hurt. She unfortunately does not have decision making because my dad’s lawyer is far more expensive than my mom’s… and they got custody. So as of now, my dad still decides who can see the kids.

brianozm said:

This is the exact reason why it’s usually best not to get involved in other people’s business. People are complicated and situations that look simple often aren’t actually as simple as they look.

And OP responded:

I didn’t get involved in any other people’s business as I said, I knew for months before I said anything to him. I only started saying something to him when my brother was voicing the fact that he could hear them doing it.