Stepdad skips stepdaughter's wedding, 'ruining her special day.' AITA?
"AITA for not attending my stepdaughter’s wedding?"
I (46M) have been married to “Kate” (48F) for over a decade. Kate has two daughters from her previous marriage, “Selena” (29F) and “Amy” (25F). We have a daughter “Lynn” (12F) together. Two years ago Selena got married and although I was invited to the wedding, I wasn’t a part of the ceremony. Selena is very close with her bio dad and doesn’t see me as a father figure, which I respect because we still have an amazing relationship. Amy considers me a father figure, though.
I also have a very good relationship with Kate’s ex and the girls’ bio dad, “Ron” (54M). We bonded over football and we went on many games together. I don’t have many friends since I moved to another state, but I consider Ron a very good friend of mine. Amy is planning a wedding and this is when the conflict ensued. She wants me to be the one to walk her down the aisle and the one to dance with her. I felt very honored until I found out the reasoning behind this decision.
Around five years ago, Ron suffered a serious injury that affected his mobility. Fortunately he isn’t paralyzed or anything, but Amy claimed that his limp would get in the way of having nice wedding videos. I was shocked and appalled and disappointed in how cold and brutal she treated him. Ron was very involved in her life and loves her so much, and his condition wasn’t even an issue for Selena when she was getting married.
I politely declined her request and this is when sh#t hit the fan. Ron found out that she wanted me to take his place and he decided to not participate in the wedding at all, also deciding to not contribute financially. His wife, “Belle” (F38), called Amy and said that she is an ahole and that she won’t be contributing financially either. Amy and Belle had a pretty good relationship and Amy relied on their financial support when she was planning the wedding. I decided to not participate in this wedding either since Amy decided to exclude her own father and my best friend.
Now Amy says that I’m an aShole for refusing to pay for the wedding, to participate in it and ruining her special day. Kate says I’m being too harsh on her since she lost the support of her bio dad and step mom. Her fiancé is on her side too. Selena, Ron and Belle think that she’s an ahole and pretty much cut her off, expecting me to cut her off as well. Luckily Lynn doesn’t have a distinctive opinion. The drama is snowballing with every next day and I feel like I need to hear some outside opinions. Sorry if I left out any info.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
omeomi24 said:
Amy isn't THAT 'special'. Sounds like in spite of families that remained close and navigated the 'step parent' issues - you raised a brat. That videos or photos are more important to Amy than the feelings of her father...should be a red alert for the man marrying her.
Your wife is wrong - Amy did not "LOSE" the support of her father and stepmother - she threw it in their face. I think your stepdaughter should pay for her own wedding and walk herself down the aisle. Amy STARTED the drama - she's the only one who can end it. Right now, I think she'd be better off eloping.
Mc_and_SP said:
NTA - sounds like Amy has taken having two loving father figures for granted and burnt all of her bridges.
lostinthought1997 said:
Freedom of choice doesn't mean freedom from consequences. She decided that her father's limp was more of a detraction from her wedding than the removal of his love and financial support. She decided that the look of her wedding video was more important than her looking like a self-centred, entitled, mean-spirited mean girl. She showed everyone who she is and is unhappy that she's not being praised for her cruelty. She is harvesting what she chose to plant. NTA.
Sorry-Thing7797 said:
NTA, but Amy sure is. I actually can’t believe she would exclude her bio dad because of his limp affecting the wedding videos but still expected him to pay for the wedding. How shallow can one be.
TrainingDearest said:
NTA. Amy made an incredibly selfish decision. That she's STILL trying to 'make this happen' even knowing how upset he is - just goes to show how deep her character flaw runs. Not to mention the crass level of entitlement she is showing by expecting YOU to finance this now that her Plan A fell apart.
She didn't choose YOU for your relationship - she chose you because you don't limp! Amy has a very poor character, and you shouldn't reward THAT behavior by participating or paying for ANYTHING. She created this mess, she can either repair it or pay for it herself, but letting her get away with her behavior by FUNDING her is not the answer.
TossingPasta said:
NTA and OMG Amy is valuing a fricking dance video over her actual father. I am gobsmacked and I honestly can't remember a time I was so disappointed in a human being as I am in Amy. She should be deeply ashamed of herself. She can finance her own damn wedding.
I hope her video comes out exactly as perfect as she needs it to be. I also hope it keeps her warm at night as she pretty much just burned her relationship with her dad, her stepmom, and you. Tell Kate that she can continue to have whatever type of relationship she wants with her daughter but you are done.
MGKatz said:
NTA - Amy didn’t ‘lose’ her either of her father’s support, she threw it away for some pretty pictures.