Stepmom threatens hubby with divorce, 'Your kids VICTIMIZED me; I'm OUT.' AITA? 3 MAJOR UPDATES + POLICE DRAMA
A couple of weeks ago, a stepmom was threatening to leave her husband after what her stepkids did to her. And now? The police are involved. For a quick refresher, here's OP's original post.
When this woman is furious with her husband and his kids, she asked Reddit:
"AITA For telling my husband i don't care about his kids?"
Hi, i know i sound like the asshole right from the get go but please hear me out. I 39F got married to my 42M husband 5 years ago. He had 3 kids at the time who are now 10F, 14F and 17M.
I got along with them really well for the first year, they didnt call me mom or anything which was never ever enforced, i always let them know that they were allowed to call me by my first name.
Their mom has not liked me from the start, she has constantly showed up to my door step yelling at me saying im trying to steal her kids. I have tried to sit down and talk to her explaining that her kids love her and would never replace their mom. She still continues to tell them that rubbish.
At around the 2 and a half year mark the kids started pulling pranks on me, i assumed it was harmless like putting baby powder in my hair dryer, or greasing up the stairs. Looking back on it, it shouldve been a sign.
The rubbish their mom kept telling them eventually got to them, with her going as far as saying "she was the mistress which is why daddy and i divorced" which is completely NOT true.
The kids would then start disobeying me, it all started little. Like not putting their shoes away, leaving dirty clothes on the floor. Then it down spiraled from there. They would start screaming at me, the eldest going as far as calling me a "home wrecking whore" which honestly left me in tears.
These past 4 years ive been subjected to bullying within my own home. I have spoken to my husband SEVERAL times about all these situations. He brushes it off saying theyre still adjusting to change or, its all "just jokes".
Yesterday was my final straw when the 17M and 14F sold my gold earrings that were from my grandma and they split the money. I told my husband that i was getting a divorce because i could no longer do this.
He begged and pleaded with me and said "don't you care about the kids?" I told him i didnt care about them one single bit. Im at my parents house now and he keeps texting and apologising saying he'll buy me new ones, i am yet to respond. AITA?
Let's take a look at some of the top responses to the original post:
janetspain writes:
You don't have a stepkid problem. You have a husband problem. His ex threw you to the wolves and he has done NOTHING but blow you off and dismiss your feelings and concerns. "Just joking" is the rallying call of every bully on the planet.
Get a divorce. Why should you care about kids who are bullying you beyond reason OR for a husband who watches it happens and does nothing. Get the hell out of this totally dysfunctional marriage.
Stay at your parents' house. Get a lawyer. Start the paperwork. F his apologies. Too little/too late <-- and this is what you tell him. If you are stupid enough to go back, he will almost immediately go back to the way it was, ignoring what is going on.
blablaparrot writes:
You have been quite the doormat. Maybe it’s time you break this cycle by not only divorcing your useless husband but by pressing charges against those kids for theft.
You need to start building back your self respect as your tolerance for their abuse towards you is quite sad.
NTA, but the fact that you are wondering if you are the AH tells me you still have a long way to go. You need to learn to protect your own wellbeing.
Make no mistake OP… your husband would have continued to allow this abuse towards you.
Only now in panic he is making promises. Meaning, if you go back and the dust settles, he will slowly go back to his old ways.
Move on, be strong, know your worth and start over. You will not believe the peacefulness you will feel when this lonely and stressful part of your life is behind you.
jersey7 writes:
NTA... my husband's ex tried this crap with me even though I didn't re-meet him until 3 years after they separated. Her issue was we were friends in HS therefore somehow I was the side piece even though we hadn't spoken in 25 years!
I invited her over for dinner and her and I and the kids sat down and I asked her why she thought I broke up her marriage since the divorce was on the grounds of her adultery and I wasn't involved until 3 years later. She blew up at me!
How dare I tell the kids, who were 15 and 13 at the time, the truth...who cares if she screwed around and walked out on them and their father 2 days before Christmas, I had no right to be with my husband.
THEN she realized she just told her kids she did screw around, she did walk out of them knowing it was 2 days before Christmas and that their Mom was off her rocker. That was 8 years ago and the kids still have not forgiven her.
The kids were already aware that Mom was cheating on Dad for 2 years before she got caught so it being for adultery was not the shock it was that she voluntarily walked out when she had told the kids their Dad threw her out 2 days before Christmas.
carelessweb6 writes:
NTA- you were right to GTFO. Husband is a wimp. his go to argument for you leaving wasn’t “I’m going to put boots to ass” it was “ don’t you love my children that abuse you and don’t you love me for doing nothing about it?”
All other crap aside, greasing the stairs could have absolutely killed you or paralyzed you. Then what? You’re supposed to raise his children from a wheelchair while he’s like I can’t believe you’re still mad.
It was just a prank. F them kids-they are old enough to reflect and remember timelines-at least the oldest one is. And I’m sorry but at 17 I knew when my mom was full of crap.
my parents didn’t divorce until I was in my 20s but several times she changed up her timeline about her and my stepdad and kept trying to get me to remember it her way -I remember quite well- and she didn’t warp the truth as much as the exwife, but she kept painting herself as a victim, who didn’t cheat on my dad.
This entire thing could’ve been prevented if your husband had stepped up for you and taken the mother back to court for coaching and manipulating the kids .
Again after the first “harmless” prank. he should’ve sat them down and say OK what’s going on? We’re gonna talk about it now and nip this in the ass because if it happens again, there’s going to be serious consequences.
(because did I mention that that powder in the dryer prank can end in giant flames if they put the wrong crap in there-I work in a hair salon and I’ve seen it firsthand) second prank with greasing the stairs would have ended with the kids in therapy...
and spending the entire night with dish soap and scrub brushes cleaning up those stairs-not to mention, probably a month or two of manual labor. that’s just an example of your husband not wanting to deal with his own kids.
Ofc now that you’re out of the door he wants to do something. But he doesn’t actually wanna do anything to his kids he wants you to you know, forgive them.
Like others said absolutely call the cops-report them stolen. Get that police report and go to the pawnshops and try to find your earrings. Let the police know where they are and they’ll take it from there.
Don’t go back to him he’s not gonna do anything about it .
hirider7 writes:
No YNTA the husband, the ex, and the kids RAH. Him for not putting a stop to the kids treating you like thrash, the ex for teaching the kids to treat you like thrash and the kids for treating you like your thrash.
This will not change at all and I personally don’t think this is a healthy environment and maybe you need to file for that divorce, but this is only my person opinion and you should listen to the logical side of your brain and your gut.
Then, OP has this interesting exchange with one of the commenters:
09mmenter2 writes:
Depends on the value of the earrings stolen and the state in which this occurred. 17M and 14F maybe charged with grand larceny if it was expensive enough which is a felony which can have minors tried as adult in some states. The one i can name on the top of is California and Florida.
OP responds:
hey, Thanks for letting me know. I am actually located in florida.
Then, OP provides this first update:
Hey guys! These past days have been hard for me. Especially with all thats happened. I took the advice and went to the police station and filled a report. The police said theyd see what can be done.
Im guessing they did show up to my ex-husbands house because he kept calling me non stop. He called me all sorts of names which i took screenshots of and sent to my lawyer.
I have indeed contacted a divorce lawyer and will start the process in the next few weeks! Thank you so much everyone, an update wont come out for a while tho because im still figuring things out.
Then, OP provides this second major update:
Thank you so much for all the support everyone its so kind and i actually cried. I was able to get my earrings back!! They were sold on facebook market place and after the police found out who my ex-husbands kids sold them too.
The buyer was so nice and understanding and gave them back to me, i tried to give them $100 for the inconvenience but they just wouldn't let me. The punishments they got was that the 14 year old receives a warning and the 17 year old is looking at about 100hrs community service and the warning permanetly on his record.
Their father has repeatedly been harrasing me on social media calling me petty and every name under the sun. It has all been forwarded to my lawyer and the process is going smoothly. Thank you so much everyone for the support and kindness!!
Then, readers posed these questions about the legal details of the situation:
Commenter: Your kids went through the court process and got punishments in about 5 days?
Commenter: "14 year old receives a warning and the 17 year old is looking at about 100hrs community service and the warning permanetly on his record." My interpretation is the 14yo isn't going to court and that is the likely punishment the 17 yo if found guilty. So no court as yet but that will be what happens if OP pushes forward with one.
Commenter: Not surprising to me. Here in the U.K., the 17yo could have been held overnight, brought before the Magistrates next morning, Guilty plea from 17yo, sentenced and out. The 14yo might have just got a police caution, especially if her older brother accepted all the blame for her involvement.
Possession of cannabis years ago at Glastonbury festival. One friend took the blame, in Court next morning, plead Guilty, fined and out - everyone else walked out of the station next morning, no charge. We did all chip in to pay his fine…
Commenter: The police themselves being on top of this isn't a big stretch for me. Even in hillbilly hell the county sheriff and the deputies get straight to work to get things done. The court part is fishy, but I have no experience with family/juvenile court.
For adults it can take 30 days in county jail before seeing a judge to even get freaking bail, much less a sentence. At least that's what it was for ex son in law #3, but he was a repeat offender on parole.
Commenter: childrens court for offences like this do not take very long as they are minor.
After all that, this reader really summed up OP's dilemma:
demonkey44 writes:
Her ex wanted a free babysitter, housekeeper and cook. She is well out of there. Amazing that the girls stole from her and she was just supposed to “suck it up. “
Dad not setting any boundaries and bio-mom telling them lies did them no favors. I’m glad the police have a record of their dysfunction. The father is the typical moke who outsources his parenting and then is confused why everything is falling apart…
He should have immediately stopped the lies from the ex wife and stood up for OOP. This is on him.