'AITA for not stepping in when my husband snapped at his sister for a comment she made about me?' UPDATED

"AITA for not stepping in when my husband snapped at his sister for a comment she made about me?"

I (25F) and my husband Ryan (26M) have been together for 5 years, married for 1. I get along really well with his parents and brother, not his sister “Emily”. Emily constantly makes remarks about my body and clothes. Comments such as, looks like you didn’t eat today, stop buying clothes that are too big it’s trashy, wow she’s finally eating and so on.

Ryan has spoken to her privately numerous times and called her out but she just ignores him and says I’m over sensitive and she’s not doing anything but joking. (she’s backed off a little.) My whole life I’ve been thinner wearing xs/s clothing. I’ve also had trouble gaining weight, but with Ryan helping me work out and lift more I have begun getting in my target weight range.

2 weeks ago everyone was over at our house for a pool day and dinner. Ryan and his dad were grilling hamburgers and bbq. I went up to grab a plate and filled it with a lot of food. When I sat down to eat Emily said wow, finally about time you start eating like a real person.

I ignored her and just went on about eating. She didn’t like I wasn’t giving her a reaction so she called to Ryan and said "hey ryan, your wife is finally eating so now you don’t have to sleep with bones" and laughed. Everyone was silent for a moment but ryan snapped. He told her to get the heck out of our house and not come back.

Of course, she protested but he let her know he’s tired of her treating me horribly and we gave her too many chances to change and now she’s lost the privilege to be near us. She then demanded their parents do something. Her parents walked up to her with her stuff in her bag and said they would walk her to her car. Once back they apologized profusely for her behavior and said Ryan did the right thing.

For the last two weeks everyone hasn’t been in contact with Emily unless they were telling her to apologize. She is refusing saying she did nothing wrong and was just joking with her brother. Her friends and even some other family members are saying I’m just over sensitive and a horrible women for taking her parents and brothers away from her.

Before we blocked her she told me I should have just laughed at her joke and stopped Ryan from snapping at her and that she now has no one to cry to because I took her family away and I’m starting to feel a bit bad because they were always close. So, AITA for not stopping my husband from snapping at his sister?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

DinkumGemsplitter said:

NTA. That husband of yours is a keeper 👌

Prudent_Border5060 said:

Nta. Also so good for your husband and the In laws to stand by you. And also good for not insulting her back. I would block anyone for the time being who stands up for her. Calling you a bag of bones and her other remarks are beyond horrible. You handled it correctly. And this doesn't reflect on you.

Only her and her behavior. Anyone that stands with her shows you what kind of people they are. You don't need that negative vibe

CarrieCat62 said:

NTA. 'Jokes" are supposed to be funny to the person that they involve; she's been bullying you about your looks for years, good for your husband having your back, and good for his parents too. You have no responsibility to protect a bully from their own consequences.

It sounds like Emily is jealous of you being slim. Many people are naturally thin, as long as you're healthy you're great the way you are, if you like that your building up muscle that's great too.

Aside from Emily being an AH - it seems like she's missed all the info about people who have eating disorders. I'm not saying YOU have an ED at all, again there are plenty of naturally thin folks out there, and depending on the culture 'skinny/thin/thick/fat' can vary. BUT if you or anybody else in the vicinity of Emily's 'jokes' did have an ED I can't imagine how hurtful/triggering that could be.

If she genuinely cared about a friend or relative and was worried about that person there are many gentle & caring ways to ask if that person is ok or needs some help. It sounds like Emily has her own body image issues - that has nothing to do with you, you shouldn't be expected to put on 40lbs to make her feel good about herself.

And RumSoakedChap said:

NTA. She can have her family back when she apologizes. Probably should have done it earlier tbh.

She later shared this edit to her post with more info.:

I forgot to say Emily is the same age as me (25).

My goodness, thank you all for such encouraging comments! I really appreciate it! Ryan and I have been reading them throughout the day. I do want to Clarify a few things

1.) I’m not a confrontational person and have trouble standing up for myself, Ryan has no problem speaking up which is why he talked with Emily.

2.) She has made comments throughout out relationship, but I didn’t want to cut contact with her because I have 2 brothers and always wanted a sister. I held onto the hope we could become really close, may even be why I excused her behavior. Still not a reason for not going LC/NC sooner

3.) Ryan’s other brother “Luke” (23M) does currently have a girlfriend and after speaking with her Emily has said snarky comments to her as well, mainly about her eating habits. She didn’t say anything until I asked because she didn’t want to cause drama. I will say Luke is even more angry with Emily after finding this out. He has blocked her as well until she apologizes to myself and his gf

4.) I don’t believe Emily is overweight, she looks great!

5.) She and everyone who is supporting her is blocked and will remain blocked unless we receive a sincere apology. Will update if anything changes, thank you again!

As promised, she shared an update:

She found the post, blew up and long story short she is no longer apart of our lives as we have all decided to go no contact. Thank you to everyone for the kind words! We are much happier without her