Stepmother's shocking response to teen's trauma: 'You don't get to run away.' AITA?
"AITA for moving in with my grandparents after my stepsister went out of her way to be evil to me and my dad told me we'd make it work?"
This is a recent event that happened with background going back years. My dad met my stepmom when I was 7. My stepsister's the same age as me. My mom died when I (16) was 4 and my stepsister's dad died a little while before my stepmom met dad. But she and my stepsister's dad were divorced.
My stepsister didn't like me and didn't want us to be a family. I loved the idea of having a (step)sister or even another friend. It wasn't easy and she never wanted to be close to me.
My dad and stepmom never pushed for us to be close too hard but they encouraged it all the same. We'd all go out to do fun things, they'd offer to take us to stuff we both liked and accepted whatever answer they got, and we always ate together as a family. It didn't work and it hurt.
I was sad for a long time that my stepsister did not want to even be friendly with me. Then last year she approached me and said she was sorry for how she treated me. She said she had always wanted her parents to get back together and then her dad died and she hated that I was so eager for us to be a family and she didn't want to betray her dad.
We talked about that stuff and (I thought) we grew closer. It made me so happy because I had given up and had decided to accept it would never happen. To think it was possible now was great. She even said she liked the idea of trying to work up to being sisters.
I opened up to her about stuff. Like how bad my periods are and how I might even have endo. And I told her about my crush on a guy in school and I told her that one of our teachers was cute. She told me stuff too... turns out it was all lies though.
Stuff started spreading in school in February that I had a major crush on one of the teachers and that I was trying to sleep with him. It took me way too long to figure out it was her. And only after she pretended she cared and was there for me.
Only reason I realized it was her because she mocked me in front of all her friends and even told the guy I had a crush on about my crush and they all acted like it was the grossest thing in the world. She called me stupid, pathetic and gross and she told her friends she wished I was dead.
I started getting bullied because of it. I told my dad all that happened and he tried to reassure me and promised it would get better. And then she destroyed my teddy bear with some of mom's ashes in it. Which is when I was just done.
I told dad I couldn't live in the same house as her anymore and he told me not to speak like that and we'd make it work. He told me we're a family and we couldn't separate like that and that it'd get better.
I asked him how he could expect me to be around her again and he told me that's how it is with families. I told him he should be doing better by me and not worrying only about his marriage.
He tried to argue about it so I asked was it about her. He told me he loves us both and he loves his wife and we're a family. I told him I was so let down by that and I called my grandparents.
A few days later I moved in with them. My dad was so upset and angry. My stepmom told me 16 year old's don't get to just move out and away from their parents. She said I was running away and it wasn't right. I told her I never wanted to see her daughter again. My dad's mad at my grandparents for taking me in to make it even more messed up. AITA?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
You can tell your dad he's left with the child he picked.
I can't wait to see what kind of nursing home the step sister puts him in. I suspect it will be cheap.
Make no mistake, your father has failed you in every way possible. He brought a bully into your home and did nothing to protect you. It's hard when your parents let you down. You so want them to be someone they are not. I'm glad you've got your grandparents.
It sounds like you made the best decision for your mental and physical health. Try to get into therapy so you can process all this. Plus, it would be good for your dad to then have a session with you so that your therapist can tell him what a crap dad he's been.
NTA. Your father failed you. I'm glad your grandparents are around to help you.
NTA you dad failed you and your grandparents are the only ones acting like parents.
Exactly. OP’s grandparents are the only ones who prioritized her emotional safety and actually stepped up when things got too toxic to endure. Her dad may have claimed to care, but his actions and his excuses...spoke volumes.
No child deserves to be gaslit into accepting cruelty just because it’s ‘family.’ OP did the bravest thing by walking away to protect herself. That’s what real strength looks like!!!
NTA, your dad is wrong to disregard you like that. He's delusional to think you guys can be a family. I'm sure the step kid will be coming for him next.
NTA, your Dad failed the first rule of parenting. Protect your child above all else. All for the sake of a bed partner.
NTA - your father has failed catastrophically as a parent, he should be very embarrassed and ashamed of himself. Your grandparents are angels and I really hope you’re so much happier with them.