Woman boycotts stepsister's wedding scheduled for 'my dead mom's birthday.' AITA? 'She ROLLED HER EYES.'

"AITA for refusing to attend my stepsister's wedding scheduled on my dead mom's birthday?"

I (25F) have been dealing with this whole nightmare situation with my stepsister (27F) for weeks now. We're not close - she moved in with my dad and me when I was 15 after her mom married my dad, and we've always had this weird tension.

Last month, she announced her engagement to her boyfriend of 8 months. Whatever, happy for her I guess. The problem? She's decided to get married on my deceased mother's birthday. My mom passed when I was 12, and that day has always been special to me and my dad. We usually visit her grave, look through old photos, and just remember her.

When she announced the wedding date, I pulled her aside privately and explained why that date was difficult for me. She rolled her eyes and said, "The venue only had that date available, and it's not like you own a day on the calendar. It's been 13 years, you need to move on."

I was livid but kept my cool. A week later, I found out from my aunt that the venue actually had THREE other dates available - my stepsister just preferred this one because it was cheaper.

At Sunday dinner, when she started talking about wedding plans, I lost it. I called her out in front of everyone, told her she was being deliberately cruel, and said I wouldn't be attending. My dad looked shocked but didn't say anything.

Now my stepsister is crying to everyone that I'm trying to ruin her special day, and my dad is asking me to apologize "for the sake of family peace." He said maybe this is a way to "create new positive memories" on that day.

But I feel like my mom's memory is being erased, and I'm not backing down. My stepsister called me a "dramatic b" and said I'm just jealous of her happiness. So, AITA for refusing to attend my stepsister's wedding because she chose my dead mom's birthday?

Here's what people had to say about this one:

Crazy4Swayze420 said:

NTA. Just tell her you will go to her next wedding. Dating 8 months odds of that going south are definitely higher than 50%.

My_Frozen_Heart said:

As gently as possible: ESH. No, she should not have told you to get over it. That was an unkind and unhelpful thing to say and there is no timeline on grief. That said: While I understand that it is a painful day for you, you don't have a monopoly on the date now and for all eternity.

She is allowed to choose whatever date she wants to get married, and unless you are offering to pay the difference between the cheapest date that happened to be your mom's birthday, and one of the other dates then you really don't get a say here.

Also she is allowed to be excited about her wedding and to discuss it at a family gathering. Attend the wedding, or don't, but you don't get to forbid her from discussing her wedding in your presence.

GorgoPrimus said:

Not for refusing to go but for everything else, YTA. Her telling you to just get over it was an huge ahole thing to do, but this all started because you tried to make her wedding all about you - who doesn’t like her to begin with - and your mom who she had no relationship with.

You don’t get to demand she pay more for a date of your choosing, and you don’t get to forbid her from talking about her wedding at gatherings, because you can’t handle the date. Just don’t go, you don’t have to and nobody is forcing you to. You’re not the groom or bride or, from the way you describe your relationship, even someone who’s very close to her.

Avocado_Popp said:

ESH. She was wrong for being flippant about why this date is important to you when you brought it up. But YTA for calling her out and telling her that she’s being deliberately cruel. Why would she pay extra money for a stepsister who doesn’t even like her to attend her wedding? Choosing the cheapest date is perfectly valid reasoning.

Look, you don’t have to attend the wedding. I seriously doubt your stepsister gives a crap about whether you attend, just like you don’t really give a shit about the fact that she’s getting married (“Whatever, happy for her I guess”).

You’re NTA for not going to the wedding. You’re the asshole for creating a lot of drama about it and trying to make her feel awful. You have serious main-character syndrome for expecting to be prioritized when this is the relationship you have with her.

If you were a reasonable person, you’d apologize for the accusations and still sit the wedding out. At this point I don’t think your stepsister would even want to see you there.

nowheremuzza said:

Soft YTA. I understand that the date of your Mums death is difficult but that date will have no bearing on your stepsister who likely never knew your mother. Also if that date is cheaper then fair enough to her, weddings an expensive as it is. You do no have to attend the wedding but neither does she have to move the date for you.

Disenchanted2 said:

I hate to say this, but YTA. I agree with what others have said that she didn't know your mother, and sad as it is for you, the date doesn't hold the same significance for others as it does for you. You can't blame her or "lose it" because she's excited about her wedding plans.

I agree with your Dad on this one; I think you should apologize to her, as well as the rest of the family that was there. My guess would be your Dad isn't going to be memorializing the day like he has in the past with you either, he'll probably be attending the wedding. As I've gotten older, I've realized that the world doesn't revolve around me, it's part of maturing.