This is a bit complicated. I am a stepmom to five wonderful kids. I became their stepmom when the oldest was 9. I adopted all of them except for Nick, who never wanted me to be his mom, and that's fine. The moment he turned 18, he made it very clear he doesn’t care about me at all.
I wasn’t invited to his wedding or any holidays he hosted. My last straw was when he told me that he would come to Christmas if I left. So, we have very low contact.
Along with that, he has strained every sibling relationship. He now has two girls, and he called me unexpectedly, and we started talking.
After a while, he began complaining about not getting help to raise his kids and asked me to watch them on Sunday and step up as a grandparent.
I told him the reason there isn't a 'village' to help raise his kids is because he burned that 'village' down. He called me a jerk and hung up. My husband is unsure about the situation but told me it’s my call, as I would be the one watching the kids most of the time since he often travels for work.
OP responded to some comments:
What has your husband been doing for the last however many years? Does he have a relationship with his son? How did you all function before Nick turned 18? Where is Nick’s mother?
There’s too much missing here, but based on just the information, it appears Nick is facing the consequences of his choices. NTA (Not the A%#hole) maybe?
Husband has a low contact also but it is due to different reason. He didn’t have a great relationship with his siblings but they tolerated each-other.
Nicks mom said, "I'm out" and basically gave up her rights. I have never talked to her, and I don’t think the youngest has even talked to her. I have no idea what she is up to.
INFO: what is the “different reason” his father is LC? Did something happen during childhood… maybe before you came into their lives?
He trashed his hunting cabin and refused to pay for the damages.
INFO what is your relationship like with your other four kids (or rather, your four kids — it sounds like you never adopted Nick)?
Also, has Nick ever said why he doesn’t like you? As a mom, it seems really weird that he’d want to leave his kids with a woman he clearly despises. Leaning toward not a%#hole, but I’m a little confused
I’m not his mother, never will be is his words. He is the middle child. He never would give me examples as to why he doesn't like me, but he said I am too much according to him. My relationship with the other four is great. I personally think he realized he isolated himself from the family
NTA. He called to complain he isn't getting help, he didn't call saying he regrets that he messed up his relationships. He wants something from you, he doesn't want you. This sucks, please prioritize yourself and the people in your life who actually care about you.
What do you think? Is OP right to